Guest lines from Dr. Thunder. Take it up with him.
Game of the Night
Late #1 B.I.B. (9-2) -3 vs GOB (5-6): BIB is flying under the radar for a team at 9-2, ranked #1 and with a banner on the wall. Bama is putting up 800 series on the regular at other houses, but like Hungus says we have the hardest shot in the state and people in this league want to get better. Last I checked their was about fucking 20 people in the league that wanted to get better and another 200-300 who want to drink and have a good time and luck into an occasional 200 every once and awhile and not have to fight for 150s or worse. PUT AN EASY SHOT DOWN IN 2016 HUNGUS!!!!! You want to get better, you own the lanes, put down any number of patterns for you to practice on so you don’t go 298 over 2 in the Xtra Frame shootout next year; PSA over. GOB is a tricky one. They are a perennial semifinalist, with two guys on their squad that have bricks on the wall. SeaTown has had a strong season and won me a 6 pack off Hungus; they just can’t seem to put it together at the same time. That said raise your hand if you want them first round. I see BIBs depth being too much for them in this one.
#4 Linguists (9-2) -3 vs Cape Fear (4-7): Linguists wrap up a Thursday A title with a win. Farmer keeps saying he doesn’t know if they are good or if they suck via the podcast, but who really care what some poser with a 163 average, 0 200s on the year, and 4 lifetime 200s in BoPo over 4 seasons has to say? Cape Fear has had a strong season in Tuesday B after Buds got relegated to B and Cape got called up to A. Southpaw has been one of the most consistent rollers in the league and Soccer Dad (get a job dude!) has added some punch to the lineup. Linguists are DEEEEEEEEEP. LaGa gives them the most potent woman in the league, Gutterslut has been putting up huge numbers, Roo is in running for rookie of the year and has been near the top of the average standings all season, and they are backed by El Hombre, Wildcard, and Windiesel whom have all put up huge 200s in key spots for their squad. Not only will they win tonight I expect them to make a run at the finals. They are good Farmer, they don’t suck.
#4B Buds (7-4) -6 vs Pinny Candy (6-5): Buds have a large team average advantage in this match, and have taken B by storm. Although they are not in the running for Tuesday B and are ticketed for the shootout and going to be a tough first round match for whoever gets them. Sir Marks A lot and Pickup Truck have been great additions to the league as has the rest of their crew. They have put in the time and want a promotion to A in 2016. Pinny Candy made waves when Pay Day had words with Hungus about late start times, and then $ Day ran wild on the board, but come on we all have a bad day. The dude has a long drive and has bills to pass. These fucking bills aren’t going to pass themselves!!!! They too are ticketed for the shootout and it appears the Buds will be a little too much for them this evening. Expect them to be off the lanes toot sweet by 7:45 p.m.
Lesbowlians (3-8) -12 vs 3 Livers (2-8): Both squads are heading to the shootout on Sunday which should be great fun so there isn’t much more than pride on the line in this one. Lesbowlians take pride in crushing pins, and the Livers take pride in abusing their livers just a bit more than they already have. Two old school teams matchup in this one which is sure to be a good time. The Lesbowlians are focused on getting through the shootout and taking someone out. Bernie is focused on yet another unsuccessful Baltimore sports season; edge Lesbowlians. Orioles suck!
Nuts (4-6) -12 vs Puds (0-11): Nuts and Puds, Puds and Nuts a little akin to those old kibbles and bits ads. Nuts have had a strong season in B despite roster turnover and they would have loved to see OC in the Sunday Shootout. Puds are back and have been having a blast and showing up on time and carry the bowler with the lowest miles per hour in the league which is pretty damn cool. They aren’t too concerned about the bowling just looking to hang out, have a good time, have a few laughs and if they don’t happen to win many along the way so be it. The Nuts on the other hand have always been a competitive team focused on getting Ws, and tonight a W they shall have. If you will it, it is no dream.
Splits (7-4) -1 vs 5 O’Clocks (4-7): RING THAT BELL, RING THAT BELL, RING THAT BELL!!!!! I smell a bowloff in this one. Xander Rolle was a strong presence PBA Weekend looking dapper as hell. His team has the pin advantage in this one, but I got a feeling about the 5 O’Clocks today, most likely because I haven’t drank since Saturday and I’ve got a work happy hour today and am dying for a fucking drink! When I hear 5 O’Clock Somewhere, if I think anything, it is slinging a few back! Both teams pegged for the shootout, so not much more to do in this one than throw a couple back, shake that ass to some sick DJ tunes and crush some fucking pins!!!! RING THAT BELL, RING THAT BELL, RING THAT BELL!!!!!
#2B My Balls (8-2) -2 vs Happy Hands (6-5): My Balls wraps up Tuesday B title with a win, avoids the shootout and grabs another B opponent first round of the playoffs so a ton at stake for Bubbles’ crew. In my less than humble opinion a huge piece of nepotism has kept them atop the B rankings all season, but an 8-2 record speaks for itself. Both these teams have 2008 roots and will be geared up to face off against each other. Hands have been putting in the time at the lanes and it hasn’t just been Munj. Sasha, Mookie Oak and the rest of the crew have been putting in the work and as a team this season they have almost as many BoPo 200s as Space Farmer has had in his entire life. Hands would love nothing more than to knock My Balls off their high horse (get it Bubbles and Barry) and send their asses to the shootout. Shit after Happy Hour I have a Red Tide meeting at 6:30 p.m. or I’d come in and heckle Barry and their crew straight into the shootout, no offense Wej (although Wes Mallott frowns upon your bowling name, that said I do not think he knows it has ethno-cultural roots.)
Hazzard (5-5) -3 vs Guacabowle (5-6) : Bonita killed it on the podcast a few weeks back and was not afraid to air the dirty laundry. It is playoff time and that means winning time so look for the Guac crew to roll their cutthroat lineup tonight. You never know who will be there for Uncle Jesse’s boys, but more times than not General Lee shows up. Both these teams are teams that no one wants first round. I expect a deep playoff run out of Hazzard. You don’t beat a living legend best 2 out of 3 and then lose to a bunch of yahoos in a beer league especially when your running mate is a dude that played in the same tournament and strung together some strikes against the best bowler in the world. Guac isn’t afraid of anyone, but I just feel it is peaking season for Hazzard and they show up tonight and throw down. That is if Uncle Jesse is still standing by game 3, something that has proved difficult for him in 2015, these are not easy days………
#5 XXX Club (7-3) -2 vs #6 Leisure Rolls (7-4): Fuck, didn’t see this on the schedule when I started writing these up. Guess this is really the game of the night, but fuck it. It is Thursday and the LTs don’t lose on Thursday; however, they aren’t playing some Thursday night schmucks here. They have one of the strongest squads in the league who won’t be intimidated by any Thursday night bullshit. These guys drink like it is Thursday on Tuesday. Expect the shots and booze to be flowing in this one, and you best believe I will have front row seats for this post said Red Tide meeting. This should go down to game 3, and it appears Roadhouse has left for vacation, but all that means is three games each for Tango and E Minor who have both been very hot over the last month, just ask them they will tell you. The Rolls won’t be intimated and will look to work their Magic in this one. By the way Magic was a strong presence on every PBA broadcast, front and center pants a glowing and howling for 12 hours a day. Strong work, I have just recovered my voice this damn week so I can only imagine how Magic must have felt. Decent shot at a bowloff potential in this one, which would be a blast!
BUI (4-7) -3 vs Saucy Posse (3-8): The brothers sauce have punched their tickets to the shootout. From the looks of things with a loss, depending on head to head, BUI could end up there. So BUI has something to play for tonight. Thursday night might prove bad for the brothers sauce because those dudes like to party and may fall overboard and get a case of hypothermia in this one. Snapshot has the crew focused as the playoffs approach and Duke Thunderwood has been a strong presence on the lanes all season backed nicely by pickup G Unit, dude must be a big rap fan, let’s hope he doesn’t throw his first ball like 50 Cent tonight because that thing will be earmarked for the gutter. “You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub, look mami I got the X if you into taking drugs, I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love, so come give me a hug if you into to getting rubbed”. I think in the end BUI’s “middle level depth” wears down the brothers of sauce.
#3 B Incredibowls (8-3) -4 vs IBS (8-3): IBS no longer has anything to play for with the Lovernauts wrapping up Thursday B on Tuesday night. However; Oolie still put the league on notice today that IBS ain’t nuttin’ to be fucked wit! The Incredibowls don’t care about any of that shit; they have a shot at a Tuesday B and a nice path in the tournament with a win and a loss by My Balls. That makes them the hungrier team tonight so expect Spidey and God of Thunder (breakout bowler of the year????) to put the women and children to bed and go lookin’ for dinner!
BILF -2 (5-5) vs Bowlderdash (5-6): Captain Danks will be shaking folks down for donations all night long in this one while he shows a video of Still Alice on his laptop while the match is going down. He has hung up the mic for a higher calling and the change may have paid off in his bowling game as the Bowlers I’d Like to Fuck have had a strong season. Both teams are earmarked for the shootout but the boys and girls of Dash can get to .500 with a win in this one. Look for awkward silence and a ton of spare attempts in this one, I kid, I kid! Well about the awkward silence that is, there will be a ton of spare attempts in this one…….