Oh Lines, How We Missed You

Well this is it, opening night.  Sorry We The People, Tuesday just has a chronological head start on Thursday, not much we can do about the calendar.  I’ve been toying with moving more toward recap writing as opposed to line writing, and sometime mid-season when I’m getting two hours of sleep with Hungus Jr around there may be a big dropoff in writing, or at least a decided turn toward the surreal.  But today it is still fresh, and I’m feeling it, so on with the lines before my lunch meeting with our honored First Bowl guest.

So, like every year at this point I still have a chance to go 288-0 in my picks.  Let’s begin

Game of the Week

#1 Back In Black (-5) vs Off Constantly: Back In Black has been a pretty dominant franchise for years, and won last year’s title even after losing former top dawg Stevie Strikes, but now they try to do something 8 teams before them have tried and failed to accomplish – back to back titles.  They have the pieces.  They will open their defense against the only other 2 time champ, OC.  OC should have a good sized chip on their shoulder as their franchise has been overlooked due to recent struggles.  I see them as an under the radar team that could make a run, but an early game against Back In Black is too much for a team that usually finds their stride later in the season.

Early Games

#3 Turkey Club (-3) vs Strikes of Hazzard: BoPo has come a long way when a team featuring General Lee and LB Davenport is a decided underdog.  They may both show up for this one at least as Turkey Club’s newest signing, Buck Ripcord, may get every team’s best shot.  The debut of Buck, arguably the best bowler in the state, is a huge 2016 story.  The Club didn’t plan to go that direction but were left scrambling when Tango defected.  Adding the almost sure-fire Top Dawg is a good recovery, and the Club may not lose all year (though Buck is out for the quarters and semis).

Sharks and Strikes (-3) vs No Eye Deer: This is going to be a fun one.  S&S is loaded for a B team, as the expansion squad has filled up with A castoffs Roo and Pauly Ringwald, plus spent every day for six months practicing.  No Eye Deer won’t back down from the challenge with Burt getting stronger and Tush Christ firing up the troops.

ICBING (-3) vs Whoomp Spare It Is: I’m not going to be able to write that team name out all year, sorry Tootsie.  That’s right, the original Turkey Club cut-victim is back as a Captain with a crew of Wednesday nighters.  Maybe it’ll be WhoSII, or WhoSits. ICBING is the top-ranked preseason party team and look to go out and prove the ratings right.  They may pick up a win along the way.  They will miss Mo $ in that regard.

Wrecking Balls (-1) vs Splits Happen: I already know I’m getting this one wrong.  On paper, yes, The Wreck should get it.  The Dude spurned BEER to make a B run and Swanny has been posting 200s regularly in practice.  Splits, though, always pulls off wins when they feel disrespected.  I assume they are bringing back Wejhead who has been dominating accross the river.  Oh and last year the Wreck found countless painful ways to lose late.  Well, 2016 is a new year.

My Balls (-5) vs Pinups: Two 9th year teams, give them some props for that.  My Balls look like heavy favorites as they make another run for a B title.  The Pinups have been losing for several years now but to their credit it has never brought them down and they remain one of the more fun teams to play 9 years in.  Bring back Hugh Manatee!

Late Games

BILF (-1) vs Nuts: Captain Collection refereed to his team as the Milwaukee Bucks of BoPo, which I guess makes him the Greek Freak.  His team has the talent to challenge for the B title this year  Nuts were almost out of the league but The Cleaner stepped up to save the franchise, bringing back Salty then adding some free agents to stay in.  I think BILF takes this one but I don’t know enough yet about the Nuts roster.

Body English (-5) vs Budweisers: BEER welcomes Budwesier Joe’s crew to Tuesday A this year, and it may be a long season in terms of wins and losses.  They will be up to the challenge and will probably improve more than any other team over the course of the season in the face of excellent competition, but it would take a big upset to debut in A with a win.  BEER lost in the quarters again last year when they were shorthanded due to inury, so they signed a couple of players to help out.  Brandy will be a great addition in terms of keeping the team loose and on track, and though he will miss the quarters and semis if BEER makes it that far, part-timer Tommy Gunz gives them an extra ace up their sleeves when they need it.

Bingas (-1) vs Cape Fear: Binga’s had a dream season last year, making a finals run and beating the Philadelphia Hitmen on ESPN.  They made a nice offseason move adding Knuckles, but 2015 will be hard to top.  No team had a better reputation makeover than Cape Fear after that stellar writeup.  They are out to smack talk, flirt and bowl and I look forward to seeing the new, looser South Paw and Soccer Dad breaking out some Kid n Play level doubles dance moves.

#4 Yahtzee (-5) vs Ball That: Well Yahtzee is going for it.  They stole Tango from The Club to really give them 4 potential aces.  Sparkles was at Bayside for 9 hours, literally, on Sunday getting ready.  They are loaded.Ball That fears no team.  Samsquapch plays with some serious intensity, and his team writeup indicates his squad his on a revenge tour.  He’d love to take down Tango.

Incredibowls (-5) vs Three Livers: Incredibowls have been a B title contender for years and want it now more than ever with a B division title game in the mix this year.  Spidey is flashing some of his old skills lately putting up 700 series.  Three Livers is a 9th year team, so psyched they are still with us and bringing fun and M&Ms every week.

#5 Saucy Posse (-3) vs Sons of Danarchy: I really like this matchup – was almost game of the week for me.  So much to watch!  Nut Sauce is the best woman to join BoPo, well, ever.  That statement is going to fire up our resident lady studs, and one of those studs is Valley Gurl Jess, returning to BoPo after a year off.  Watching her and McStriker battle Nut Sauce is going to be fun.  Then there’s Boba Fett, errr, Master Splinter.  Many BoPoers are going to him for lessons, now he’s here to beat them.  Walter has made a monster move adding those two to try to end 9 years of SauPo mediocrity.  I like the team but SOD is no slouch, and they are untested.  I can’t wait to see how this turns out.