Opening Night II: The Redrunkening

OK Thursday, Tuesday stepped it’s game up for opening night, but I have no doubt you will answer back resoundingly.  After all you just have to fake it through one workday post BoPo.

Game of the Night

#2 L.O.S. (-3) vs Guacabowle: The Tuesday A monsters put up giant scores.  LOS certainly thinks they can match that kind of bowling and, based on preseason rankings, I obviously agree with them.  Cheese and Precious are eager to protect their spot in the Bayside pecking order, Cheese is defending Top Dawg afterall.  Mr. Stiffy has been bowling great post-partum as well, and Shithawk and Ali have a new kid on the horizon they’d like to welcome into a world in which they are champs.  Guacabowle is no longer an under the radar team as they’ve had a couple big postseason runs, Bonita is defending doubles champ, and they are around the lanes alot.  Sparetime is a quiet leader, Salt n Peppa the fiery guy who has a job at Bayside to get some free bowling in.  They aren’t intimidated by the big guys, and this should be a fun game to watch.

Early Games

Tattoos and Titties (-1) vs Linguists: Ralphie is a back with a new team, and they should be a serious party contender.  Rubbys is out to drain the bar dry of Jaeger, and Sad Julian is only sad when he has no beer in his hand (or when he thinks of his chinchilla alone at home).  I don’t know what the Linguists will do in this one.  They have MVB La Gatita and male model Gutterslut, but Col. Angus has had a lot of churn on the roster. They’re still talented – maybe they even have better chemistry?  Pro tip to the rookies: watch your high-fiving hand.

Lesbowlians (-5) vs Puds: This is one of those extremely rare all-women BoPo games.  Madgirls had a dude, even the Lesbowlians had the beloved Butch in the beginning.  Puds has apparently moved on from Dink Mastercard and Bullet seems like a natural bowling leader.  Tilt-A-Whirl and crew will show no mercy though, and should get off to a nice start to the season.

DHD (-1) vs Roll Another: A couple of OGs, 9th year teams doing battle.  DHD’s old Captain Riggs may be making a few appearances this year though he has surrendered the helm to Fern.  Chupacabra’s quiet bunch looks to break out of their shell this year, buy them shots and buds!

HHP (-1) vs Bowlderdash: This is a sneaky good game that should go down to the wire.  The Munj and Sasha Northfield have a solid roster with them with the likes of Max Ship and Marv Gomez.  Bowlderdash may seem like they don’t care, but they practice too.  Michael Bowlton is a proven leader and he keeps his team on task.  This may be our week 1 bowloff.

Late Games

TDYOB (-1) vs GOB: Grab your earplugs, the Dr is back on the lanes.  He jettisoned half of last year’s team to get the old gang back together and they are planning to party pretty hard.  In week one he’ll bowl one less game than his partners in crime Munson and Farmer due to a poor practice round, but their internal competition motivates them.  GOB is a completely new animal.  Railroad, he of worst throw in BoPo history infamy, left (supposedly for Turkey Club, or New Jersey, but actually Sharks), Mr. Pickles has moved away too.  In are two other mechanics, Purple Nurple and Holden Green.  No idea what to expect, but Seatown and Hand should be solid.

Lovernauts (-1) vs Bad News Spares: Rufio’s got Slugga back and are after that B title that just got away from them last year.  The only thing that could stop them in week one is failing to bring their league fee.  That would do it.  Bad News is under new management with Smoke-a-Bowl taking the reins.  Can’t wait to see what she does with this franchise known mostly for their giant roster.

BUI (-1) vs B&B: I often pick Viking’s teams to win based on Viking alone, and he is quite capable of throwing 700 series anytime, but for some reason whenever I pick him they lose.  So, B&B, you’re welcome.  Snapshot’s team conversely is often overlooked, and love that.  So, BUI, I’m sorry.  I’ll just move on from this one.

Young & Bowled 2 (-3) vs Leisure Rolls: Crackerjack came to Bayside and promptly won a Draft League.  Then Shifter brought him to Y&B before breaking his leg.  Now Crackerjack says he brought in another ringer to join him.  He is a competitive dude!  He’s already backed ably by Pistol Pete and Itz, plus a couple excellent women in Mystery Powers and Mo $.  The Leisure Rolls have heard it all before, and they are never phased by opponents.  Brad will giggle and roll stright, Tampon Santa will bring good cheer to all the servers and they’ll bet on themselves, as they have the track record to back that up.

Spare of the Dog (-1) vs UREA!: Cool matchup.  Mona brought Hootie out of retirement and now half the Tuesday BoPo serving staff is in action on Thursday.  She also whipped her team into shape with a preseason workout – hopefully their glutes are starting to feel less pain.  UREA! added Automatic and he’s a wildcard.  T-$ is always solid too.  Not sure who has come in to replace Knuckles…Ruby Canary I think.  If so, a solid pickup.

Lions Den (-1) vs Fuckin Chuckits: Oh this one will get wild.  Rick Vaughn is here to roll strikes and drink beer, and he’s all out of strikes.  He’s got hungry newcomers Cuz Zander, Mokiki and Das Ducken all making BoPo debuts.  They face defending B champs Fuckin Chuckits (f.k.a. IBS).  Ramrod has his troops looking sharp and ready to rumble.  He’ll throw back more than a few Ramrod Clutches as he watches prodigal son Lou Dawg return to the fold.  Oolie could assert his dominance in this one, but he will be conflicted about such a aggressive display.



2 thoughts on “Opening Night II: The Redrunkening

  1. Don’t sleep on Wadsworth. Seriously. If you fall asleep, he will sneak up behind you and drop a salmon in your backswing.

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