Team Writeup #37: Budweisers

Budweisers – Tuesday B: Captain – Sir Marks A Lot

The Budweisers return to bowl Portland in their sophomore season as a top B league prospect. The team has the same exact lineup as last year with the addition of sameltoe, a result of the affirmative action style rules change on mandatory minimums set for bowlers. (Our call for the commissioner to accept pickup truck as a female based upon his heightened estrogen levels fell upon deaf ears). As they did last year, they plan on dominating B after finding out that they just can’t cut it in A. Anchored by their fearless leader “sir marks-a-lot”, they crush Budweiser and opposing teams in that order.

“Marks-a-lot” is a very gifted multi sport athlete who has a Keene eye for talent. He struggles to Marshall his team as best he can but sometimes he struggles to keep the peace amongst the squad. He consistently averages a far higher pin total and bud bottle total than his teammates and is clearly the most handsome guy in the group. He also has no weaknesses. Expect big things from this guy as the season progresses!

You will often see “marks-a-lot” and “pickup truck” in a heated debate about starting lineups or who’s screwed more chicks since high school. “Pickup truck” started bowling a couple years ago but has actually declined his average over the last 12 months. He has a hard time controlling his revs and his temper. In all actuality, he’s a 150 bowler who thinks he should be rolling a deuce every string. If that wasn’t bad enough, he also suffers from “Low T”.

“Ric spair” has had some big strings in his bowling tenure. Unfortunately they rarely happen during league play. “Ric” continues to fight head to head with “sir” for the inter team average title and more of the same is expected this season as well. His weaknesses are clutch performances and paying league dues. However, he is an integral part of the Budweisers and he can get you a great deal on cable tv.

“Pmixx” is coming off his rookie bowling season with a fresh new twin ball bag & a plastic ball that should finally help him close out those pesky frames. He brings a calming effect to the team when “pickup truck” blows a gasket. His achilles heal(s) are cheeseburgers & 10 pins.

“Ms Everdeen” was the teams only female bowler last season. She is now accompanied by “sameltoe” as they try to really step up their game this year and give the Budweisers a real shot at victory. The team knows that in order to compete with the likes of Bilf and the Incredibowls, the X chromosome constituency of BUD is going to have to start closing more frames. They both share an insatiable appetite for tater tots & Justin Bieber.

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