Guest Lines From Sparkles



DirigiBowls (3-4) -1 vs. Xander’s Army (6-1): This match up is a tale of 2 completely different teams. Xander’s Army; the deep team that doesn’t put up a ton of great scores, but also doesn’t put up very many bad ones. On the other side is DirigiBowls; the ultimate “heat check” team with 3 guys who can go off, but can also throw a 130. I’m taking the heat check team this week as Automatic’s squad needs the win more.


Danger Zone (3-4) -1 vs. Rollin with Samsquampch (4-4): Two evenly matched teams on paper, with fairly even averages, records, and points. It’s good to see Cheddar rolling well and Twinkle Toes has been great this season. On the other side, Dick seems to have found his shot and C-Murda is about as consistent as you can get. This one should essentially be a coin flip, so with that in mind, I’ll take the team whose ace has the stronger back.


Walking Dad (1-6) -1 vs. Drinks Well with Others (5-3): Soccer Dad’s squad desperately needs a win and Team Noodle is without Bama for the rest of the season… Nugget vs. Bora should be a good battle and Gutterslut can go off if he finds a line. Should still be a close match, but I think Stiffy on the early shot is the difference.


Danny Diesel (4-3) -1 vs. Magic’s Gathering (4-4): Diesel’s team hasn’t quite lived up to the lofty draft grade given to them preseason but still sports one of the scariest line ups in the league. Newcomer Kar Bomb has bowled well and Tango is obviously capable of going off at any time. Magic might have the best top 4 in the league with Railroad being Railroad and Rotini just crushing pins lately. I’m taking Diesel in this one based on depth.




Multiple Scorgasms (5-2) -1 vs. WHAM! (6-2): These teams are as evenly matched as you can get, both having 679.3 team averages. Cheese is bowling as advertised, Shooter is among the top tier ladies, and Doc Moose might be the steal of the draft (5th round pick, #39 avg). Hexy’s crew has really clicked. Nut Sauce has been good, and they’re getting timely scores from Snapchat and Cilantro. Taking Scorgasms in a close match due to WHAM! not having bowled much late.


Dirty Bowling (5-3) -3 vs. 100% Whoop Ass (3-5): Dirty Bowling has been rolling well lately. Irish has started to get used to his new shot and Roo has looked good coming off surgery. Whoop Ass started the season hot but has been struggling as of late despite Sparetime averaging 188. Look for trends to keep up in this one.


Typical House Bowlers (7-1) -1 vs. Laynezerbeams (5-2): This looks like a slugfest matchup between the 2 highest team averages in the league. THB have been dominating lately, with 3 guys in the top 25 (Deps, G-Unit, Vaughn), the high team avg by 18 pins, and the party mentality that ITZ and Rick Vaughn bring. Gutterboi has almost locked up top dawg already and Capt Caveman is in the running for steal of the draft for Laynezerbeams. I’m taking THB because I heard Deputy say he likes bowling late now and that’s scary.


Rubbys on the Reg (4-4) -1 vs. Fireball Muy Caliente (3-4): Rubbys has piled up points, but not wins and I feel like Crackerjack’s liver wishes he had drafted Medium Party instead of Big Party. CJ has been off by his standards (still hovering around 200) this season and McStriker is among on top ladies as usual, but that won’t be enough this week. No Ruby means more Viking and more Mitch.


B-Minor (5-2) -3 vs. Walter (1-6): This should be a good battle between a couple of the league’s best lefties. Team Walter has two all stars but a 1-6 record… I don’t see it getting any easier this week. Brandy’s team has looked good all season and team chemistry is great. She’s a top 3 lady and Blak Morris brings a ton of energy. I even saw E-Minor smile once this season.
Nipple Confusion (3-4) -3 vs. Mo-Town (2-5): It’s hard to tell which Jerk will show up. He tossed a league high(?) 280 last week but also has his share of stinkers this season. I think Oz will be here this week which obviously makes the Nips more dangerous, especially with Nurple and Slow Roll bowling well. Hungus vs. Jerk will be the headline but I think having Oz this week is the difference.

6 thoughts on “Guest Lines From Sparkles

    1. That’s cause THB brings the heat every week. We’re singlehandedly keeping downtown Portland hot through the fall.

      Tonight’s forecast: Scattered pinfall with a 100% chance of victory over Laynezerbeams.

  1. Nice job Sparkles. Here are a few tidbits of info that I’ve gathered over the week that might effect the lines. No Xander tonight for Xander’s Army, no Rotini for Magics Gathering, no Shooter tonight for Wham, and looks like Nipple Confusion only has three nipples but not sure which three but were going to see if Roy Munson could fill in.

      1. Nothing like a hot Munson.

        Well fucking done to Laynzerbeams tonight. 5-5 and they crushed it 5-0 in the 3rd for the 10-5 win.

        Also, don’t fuck with Whoop Ass. They had another 8-7 game 3 comeback win tonight. Sans Farmer. Well done.

        Pretty sure I hear fireballs muy caliente were up and then lost, but the words were coming out of Big Party’s mouth so I wasn’t totally sure what was happening.

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