Hey guys it is Oakie again wasn’t that great when we had that private party last week and we had to play on those chewed up lanes, total blast! We only have 4 teams total on Thursday Night with an average over 600 6 under 500 wow this pattern is super fun! Oh yeah had complaints about syntax and other grammatical errors. Well last time Oakie checked like the celebrity ball I don’t get paid for this shit; therefore, we don’t edit #realpodcast, and it is stream of consciousness anyway so fuck off don’t bother Oakie with that shit……#rumdiaries
Just caught a little DJ 212 AKA DJ Mosart on Facebook Live, doooooooooooope!
Let’s get to some A lines!
Early
UREA! (1-1) -1 vs BUI (0-2): Preseason I would never have seen myself making a line like this. BUI had a great run last year and their rollers put up nice averages in draft, but boy have they found their kryptonite. With a 542 average and 3.5 points they are the worst scoring “A” team on Thursday and have the 3rd lowest average. They are an absolute mess. I see them continuing to press why an even keeled UREA! comes out and does just enough to win. No one on BUI has an average in the 150s that is just amazing. Look for Big O and T$ to pace UREA! to victory as the wheels come completely off the BUI crew. As Nasty NAS says, “Life’s a bitch and then ya die cuz ya never know when ya gonna go.”
Leisure Rolls (1-1) -14 vs Bowled and Beautiful (0-2): Here comes the 1,000th remake of the Good, Band and the Ugly. The former Trolls (no one loves Fuge new Troll team more than these former Trolls) are one of the baddest Thursday “A” teams around with their 592 average that is the Good. The Bad apparently Gatch is now Deadliest Gatch come on new podcast guys stop sniffing bowling ball bags and start talking some league this would have made a great podcast:
Farmer: “So Gatch now is the time to reveal your new bowling name.”
Gatch: “Okay, here it is everybody, Deadliest Gatch.”
Dr. Thunder: “Are you fucking kidding me bro?!?!!? That’s a terrible name dude.”
That’s a rough name change. I tried to change to Oakie the Milk Jug and caught a whole rash of shit! The Ugly B&B has a 507.8 team average that is rough. Slow start these cats will put in the time and turn that around. They better or B&B is going to change its name to Bed & Breakfast people go there to sleep, eat breakfast, take a shit and then get the fuck out with a win. That said Oakie netted a 1 on my celebrity bowl again, this pattern is no joke! B&B takes steps forward but LT has too much for them in the end, in the middle and at the beginning. No offense guys. Let’s not cry over spilled milk, waka waka waka foozy Oakie!
This: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_woNBiIyOKI) found via DJ Mosart sample, we are spoiled with Dj Mosart and Dj Atomik in the house, also check out Mona’s post move your shit, make it safe for the staff to do their kick ass job. I know this Acorn keeps his glass filled. Props to those that make the ship run.
Y&B II (2-0) -15 vs Tats and Tits (1-1): The new podcast guys are Thursday night royalty with their 664 team average. As stated prior an embarrassing only 4 Thursday teams have team averages over 600, no wonder Hungus treats you guys like second class citizens. The new podcast guys and crew are the early leader in the Thursday clubhouse after a huge comeback win 8-7 over powerhouse “Prepare to be crushed!” LOS. Down 7-3 they needed all 5 and bam! Mystery Powers and Mo$ are knocking down pins CJ and GM are threatening to talk about the league this week on the podcast and crushing pins. Holdovers Itz and Pete add two proven pin killers watch out this team could make a run this year (No one is beating Yatchzee). Word is Crackerjack just signed with Varaflex Skateboards and Vans, not the shoes, but the old school 70 type vans. T&T is one of the most enjoyable teams to roll with in the league. Train Conductor and Rubbys are truly two of the most enjoyable dudes you will share the lanes with, fun loving, with great sense of humors. BoPo to the core, here to get loose and have a good time if they roll well great if they don’t who fucking cares because they follow that mantra if I come to the lanes and don’t have a good time I am an asshole. 140 something was a top ten average in BoPo I, we are back!!!! Ralphie runs a tight ship and has already had to boot-stomp Greg the Mechanic from the team. Allegedly newlywed G the M got super pissed when he was told he wasn’t rolling game 1 last Thursday and stormed out. No word if he is coming back this week. #drama #gotthebubblyflowingthroughme
Late
Touch My Excite -5 (1-1) vs TDYOB (0-2): TME is like everyone else trying to figure the lanes out, but at least they have managed a win. The boys and girls of Bork haven’t recovered from getting booted from Sunday Shootout against B side rivals ICBING. These asshats were down 6.5-3.5 to the Lions Den last week needed 5 for the win 4 for the bowloff they went out and got zero behind a Farmer 152, Thunder 143, Munson 110 and Spooky 98 for a nice crisp 503. Holy shit these guys suck, at least we don’t have to hear Thunder run his fucking mouth; hard to talk shit when you have a 140 average. TME it is said doesn’t have Viking in this one, if they did I would make the line -10. Uno, Gutterslut, La Ga Windiesel and the crew are going to break off TDYOB something proper. Something tells me even if it gets ugly again for TDYOB they will be bouncing around and getting their monies worth. This one is over in 2. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXyFYNiV-9I) Got the bubbly flowing through me!
LOS (1-1) -13 vs Lions Den (2-0): 2-0 563 avg versus 1-1 with a 650 average can you say fed to the wolves. Cheese hasn’t left the lanes since YB2 came back on LOS last week. Just sitting there rocking pins. No one likes losing less than The Twin Powers that means prepare to be crushed! Was going to make the line -15 but didn’t want Rick 135 to lose it on me. LD will bang their drums and scream their jungle calls and if they do it in a Tower backswing they may get a bongo broken over their head. Hit em with a Bongo!!!!! LOS wins this. Going this is over in 2, and unless Shithawk losses yet another point it is 15-0.
Five Finger Discount (0-1)-1 versus Guns of Brighton (0-1): Everyone is talking about FFD’s slow start but they have one of the best averages on Thursday which says they are finding a way to get their spares. GOB lost a winnable one to T&T last week. Hand reports that he is Ralphie’s bitch and he never beats her. What a gentlemen. F-ing caveman, you got your ass kicked dude, own it, talk shit or you are shit that is Oakie’s motto. Please don’t tell Oakhurst that. I look for Rufio and crew to come out strong, Natro to have 45 Buds with Coco out of town and give Dick O’Douls 100.7 avg a run for its money in the battle of worst former All Star. Hand and crew oil the lanes they will either get it turned around or pull an SS and change the oil pattern. I don’t think they figure it out this week; Dutch gives these guys a Dutch-oven and FFD pulls out the win.
Good news Rooftop Sessions announces once a month podcast so the whole league can be talked about so that we don’t have to listen to spoilers about Star Wars VIII anymore. Oakie got mad love for VIII but don’t want to get it spoiled. BoPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Need me some Oakie Tuesday lines like we need ass gaskets in the coed rain closet.