Thursday Lines (now with more B!)

All righty then, looks like none of these Thursday B clowns want to do lines so Oakie will pick up the slack. Because I’m Oakie, Oakie like a Sunday morning. Let’s see what Dungus has in store for us tonight I am predicting a shit band, no wait staff and no oil. Wow maybe those podcast guys should go back to bowling bag sniffing, ouch! Holy shit guys add a little enthusiasm. Poor Nut Sauce and Sparkles must have gotten turned into skeletons via Skype. If you are looking to get bored to death this is the show for you:

Nah props to Glossy and CJ for keeping it going, also props to Glossy for financing and producing the Beer Frame Podcast. These boys are just starting to hit their stride. You can’t blame them that Sparkles and Nut Sauce bombed as guests; hard to pull water from a stone as Oakie always says. #pullingaTango
L.O.S. is on a bye maybe Cheese took a day off, what are the odds?!?!?!?! Is it me or are the New England Patriots like the Atlanta Braves over the last 12 years always win division and rarely win the big one. Only once in the last 12 years and that was handed to them by the Seahawks. Oakie is a huge Falcons fan! Honestly is anyone a Falcons fan? Anyone know a Falcons fan? I was with a buddy in the pasteurization process who was a huge Falcons fan and the fucking guy had never been to Georgia.
DHD has a bye too which is good for B side because those cats are straight up crushing B at 3-0 and have a higher team average than 8 “A” Teams. I put A in quotes because I am using that term extremely loosely. Only 3 “A” teams with averages over 600, totally pathetic; for those of you scoring at home you only need 4 bowlers to avg. 150 to get a 600 not hard guys have some pride and pick it up. Also stop bitching about the pattern either put in the work and figure it out or do what Oakie does throw it at the pins and hope for luck!
Early:
TDYOB (1-2) -1 vs Tats & Tits (1-2): Rare early appearance for the geriatric ward that is TDYOB on early oil. You would think these guys would want more early because they are already in town at dinner for the blue-haired special. TDYOB broke a pathetic 8 game losing streak that went back to week 8 of last season. Space Farmer has been pushing these guys and Thunder came to life a little as they hammered out a 721 to get back in it against TME. Line is close because my sources tell me Munson is out west skiing. I still see Farmer and Thunder pacing them to a close win aided by the resurgent Spooky who is off to a hot start. Tats & Tits want this one badly. Train Conductor got his fall ruined by Blunder’s draft league team and cost him $50 because that band of losers couldn’t muster two wins. It is early so maybe Rubbys won’t be blacked out and can put together a reasonable game. Ralphie is due a big one and it looks like she has smoothed things over with Greg the Mechanic. It is said people that oil the lanes have an advantage. Tell that to GOB.
5 Finger Discount -7 (0-2) vs Bowled and Beautiful (0-3): Well someone will be getting their first win. With Natro and Coco back I see 5 Finger with a few big ones from Rufio powering by B&B who have still yet to figure the pattern out through 5 games. Saw, Mr. Mayor and crew have to be getting awfully frustrated hovering around 500 team average through 5 games. Stop fighting it guys move way right roll it slow up first arrow and watch and fall back into the pocket at 12-13 mph of pocket strike, spins on you from there for Brooklyn love or easy spare. B&B is too good for this to continue much longer but disparity in average and return of Natro a former champion with big game potential and a 111 average to put in the distant past spells 5 Finger win for this prognosticator. Also B&B when all else fails get a round of shots, get drunk, get loose and say fuck it. #strikesandguttersdude
GOB (1-1) pick em vs (BUI) (1-2): I honestly cannot come up with a line for this match. GOB is out to prove that the old adage of oiling the lanes gives you an advantage is 100% not true. Invisible Hand has been invisible, Nurple who looked great in draft has forgotten how to bowl, Jon Moon is older than Thunder and has a dead back, Sea Town is rolling hot and could use some help. BUI has been the surprise mess of Thursday night. Yeah they got a win but their 563 avg is still on life support. GOB actually has the better team avg in this battle. G Unit is still recovering from the pregnancy. This guy flirted with a 200 average in draft and now can’t score 150. Move right boys, move right. Perennial All Star Duke Thunderwood is a total head scratching mess; 5 games deep and sub 150. Hexy might want to spend less time organizing and more time practice 117 is super low for her. Hopefully we can chalk this up to a slow start for both teams and they find their sea legs, that or they are going to pool their money build their own lanes and have Hand lay down the pattern and practice on it 24/7. Honestly guys get your shit together. It is in your head let the ball roll and knock down those pins. Another tip try closing two frames in a row it does wonders for your score. #OakieTip #JusttheTip This match is also a sneaky party game because both teams quietly like to tip them back and cut loose. Bowloff????
Pinny Candy (0-3) -1 vs Linguists (1-2): It is PayDay mfer’s!!! PayDay gonna rise up put the candy on his back and lead them to victory. Oakie would like to hear what this group of public servants thinks about our current political climate because there are a ton of bills to pass. It is awesome to see Angus back on the lanes. Fear the high five from these dudes. These are two old school type teams enjoying the BoPo scene with their group of friends and the bowling comes second. I like Candy to break through for win #1 by a hair.
Bowlderdash (1-2) -11 versus Bad News Spares (0-3): I love everything about BNS. I know Oakie loves to shit on “A” teams struggling in average, but a huge group of friends getting together every Thursday night to throw some balls at some pins and enjoy each other’s company is BoPo to the core. Love the uniforms, and love the vibe. A ball that goes in the gutter isn’t a cringe, or a “Fuck!” it is a shy grin a ton of laughs and a ton of high fives. This league was built on that scene. Some people were fueled to become “Bowlers” and some folks just wanted to keep it casual save on the $200 balls and $5K of lane fees and have a bitching good time with their tribe every Thursday night and hot damn that is all right! Bowlerdash, Sweet Tam, Big Ern and crew have also been around forever doing their thing and coming back every year to have a good time. They have a decided pin advantage in this one and should win in two but no one in this match is too concerned with that.
Happy Hands Production (2-0) -1 vs Roll Another (1-2): A clash of another couple of long time BoPo squads. Roll Another is defending B champ, I spoke to Bones about that and he said, “I don’t know how that happened we lost all our games in the regular season and the playoffs.” He also went on to add, “We are awful this year!”; therefore, I favor Sasha and group in this matchup. I’ve got it close though as only 4 pins separates these guys in average. Roll Another needs to work on their high five game though they almost decapitated a passerby last week on a high five gone wrong. HHP coming off a bye will be raring to get back on the lanes and make it rain!
Late:
Lion’s Den (2-1) -3 vs UREA! (1-2): Lion’s Den continues to win despite an awful 552 team average. Teams continue to roll down to this one time B team. Perhaps all that banging and yelling in opponents backswings is paying off only thing that could make this crew louder (more obnoxious?) is adding this dude to the fold (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRhhvcQefK0). All that said Oakie loves the Dens vibe, I think they get squarely in the heads of the UREA! rollers leading to one too many splits to overcome. Also check out C-Murda’s roll the guy thinks he is left-handed, another great addition to the BoPo scene!
Game of the Night
YBII (3-0) -3 vs Guacabowle (2-0): The giant killers are back after a week off. You guys still hanging out here?!?!?!!? Guac rollers ain’t afraid of nobody, I understand that and respect that but YBII has Crackerjack and his 212.4 average who has a nice look on this pattern and I think he pulls high and total every game leading to this spread. Guac is sure to out party YB2 and have more fun and let’s hope Glossy and CJ don’t bore them to death like they did to Nut Sauce and Sparkles-Sauce on the last podcast. New bar owner Dick Whitman probably kills them in this one with a couple low 100s making the difference in the match.
Touch My Excite (1-2) -1 vs Leisure Rolls (3-0): I see the LTs getting knocked off their high horse in this one with Viking back in the building for TME. TME has a slight pin advantage and Gutterslut and LaGa have been rolling hot lately which should make the difference over Space Cadet, Magic and crew. Also only a matter of time before Deadliest Gatch gets implicated in something inappropriate regarding his coaching career which won’t be good for team morale either.
Most Fun Match of the Night:
ICBING (3-0) -1 vs Party Mix (1-1): PM actually has small avg advantage, but there is something to ICBING’s 3 consecutive 8-7 wins. Party Mix is a great addition to BoPo X led by Big Fucking Party another Ultimate Frisbee convert playing a team of ultimate Frisbee converts. There has been some talk that Big Fucking Party has been having a dry January, well you could have fooled me. This should be a fun-fest with both teams hanging and enjoying the moment and battling it out to the last frame of game 3. Peanut Gutter has guaranteed a 200 so that is something to watch.

Pud’s Taxi (2-0) -3 vs Granola Bowlahs (1-2): Surprise upstart Pud’s Taxi come into this match undefeated against Kid Loose and gang. These teams have a couple of the lowest averages in the league and could care less. Setting the over/under of house balls used in this match at 5. Pud’s been putting in the time and are looking to rewrite their team history in BoPo X. They show up for games, pay on time, and practice might be time for a name change.
Lesbowlians (2-1 ) -10 vs F’C Chuckits (1-2): Crowd favorite Oolie is off to a hot start rarified air that he hasn’t been in for quite some time. His supporting cast of the Ram brothers, Lou Dawg and crew are some of the most fun in the league, but thus far like a lot of people they are struggling on the pattern but not off the lanes where they are 100% guaranteed to bring the party 24/7. Tilt, Keglinger and crew have a decided pin advantage and will want to beat long time BoPo rivals in this grudge match.