BoPro-Am Preview

Cupid and Oakie do Bo ProAm lines.
Cupid:
Welcome to the team previews for the 3rd Annual Bo ProAm! While we can’t predict matchups, we definitely can assess each team and make some predictions. Settle in, we have 18 teams to get through….
We start with the defending champs, captained by Natro with Stu Williams, Too Koops, Shifter Paul, and Duke Thunderwood.
Oh what a difference a year makes: Natro is back in BoPo and injured again, Shifter only rolled in league twice this year, and Duke Thunderwood was dropping 90s this season. Probably smart to put Koops in the 4 spot. All of which has Stu thinking this about his title defense:

Just as there has not been a repeat BoPo champ, there will not be a repeat in the Bo-Pro Am. Three and out for this group, but that means more time for booze!
Danks was the first to sign up for the Pro Am and took Bill O’Neill as his pro because they both love to “talk sports”. Here is footage of Danks trying to bro-hug Bill after he learned Bill likes the Sox:

https://giphy.com/gifs/david-3oEjHBGh2sekbZSxfq

This team is a force to be reckoned with as the “random” draw also puts Hungus, Brandy, and Munson on this squad. If they can overcome the garbage rolling of Danks, this is a semi-final team. By the way, here is footage of my pet turtle imitating Hungus’ first roll for the media on the new lanes. (In his defense, we was wearing super grippy Bosnian shoes)

https://giphy.com/gifs/fail-falling-turtle-TvsgBFCL1RNIc

Cheddar had the second pick in the draft, and selected Norm Duke just ahead of Jerk….that is some cold shit right there. Donut King and Cheddar are joined by The Dentist, Walter’s dad, and The Implosion. I don’t know who The Implosion is, but as a former teammate of The Dentist, let me say just say this to you:
https://giphy.com/gifs/dancing-excited-good-luck-10AYkGR9M75nLW
Norm Duke took about 3 hours to become a BoPo legend a couple years ago, and has a Baker brick from last year. What does he do for year three? Bowl three games then hit the clubhouse is my bet…
Jamaican Jerk was sad not to be able to pick Norm, but was able to land a stud in 2-hander Jesper Svensson. Lala, Sweet Buns, and The Dude round out this team, and I foresee great things from them. Mostly in the sweet gear they will be rocking Thursday night, including flat brimmed caps that Jerk and Jesper both love.
I was a Bo-ProAm teammate of Jesper last year, and I wish I had seen this video last year to learn a few phrases in Swedish. So study up, everyone:

After a season bowling with the misfits from Lions Den, Capt. Caveman decided to roll with the best, and chose a dude with 2 Major titles in 2017, selecting Jason Belmonte as his pro. The hat draw was kind to these guys, netting Double Cheese, Senator ITZ, and Bora Bora. This is a team I expect to advance out of the preliminary rounds, and is a real threat for the title. But who rolls anchor?

Seeing as Belmo rolls 300s and doesn’t take a shit on them like Cheese, I like Belmo to anchor this team to a very successful showing.
Viking loves TDYOB. Almost as much as I do. He can’t be on the BoPo version of the squad, so did the next best thing by selecting TDYOB’s Dick Allen. Great choice. Along with Nugget, Roo, and Samsquampch, these guys are going to have fun, and have a chance to advance. It really depends on if Dick prepares TDYOB-style or not. Here’s my prediction for the pre-game:

Sorry, guys. Three and out it is.
(True story, in college we had a party where you had to do a funnel to get in, and a funnel to get out…so you had to plan ahead knowing you had to chug a beer before leaving. Needless to say after one such party we called it quits on that idea)
Viqueen selected reigning World Champion EJ Tackett. The dude has a brick, a couple of Major titles, and plenty of great memories of both Tequila and Strikes from his past visits to BoPo. Dick Du Jour, Capt Insanal, and Old Thumper make up the rest of this team. I have a feeling this team advances…great vibe, Insanal is rolling well lately, DDJ will be looking for redemption (baby!) from his playoff exit, and Old Thumper is finally free of the anchor that is Major Danks.
EJ Tackett actually played golf in college. I was able to find footage of him missing the cut at a junior PGA event. The people who were leading the event now golf in the PGA….but none are World Champs like EJ!

I bet you were expecting that to be a fake video, so here is some more recent footage Ronnie Russell shot of EJ during one of their winter rounds in Indiana:

Oz signed up early and selected Chris Barnes to join him, White Russian, Cygnus X1, and Soccer Dad. The injury that White Russian has battled all year will go a long way to determine how this team does. I learned recently that Cygnus X1 is a Fed Ex driver….but I didn’t know how they delivered so many packages so quickly until I saw this video:

Barnes is a Texas guy…he didn’t come here to make friends, he’s here to win. His basic message to the team is this:

His team’s response:

Captain Spare-O has selected Portland Lumberjack Kyle Troup as his pro. Kyle got into town very early and is certainly very comfortable at Bayside. Hot Sauce, Chernobylayne and Dr. Thunder make up the rest of this team. Troup cut the afro way down, he said his parents made him get it cut and “grow the fuck up” a bit. Here is footage of Troup getting his trim:

With Hot Sauce and Thunder on the same team, I can see the team hitting a very special beer room prior to the event. I think it will go something like this:

Here is what happens when you end up next to Thunder at the bar:

Oakie:
Magic picked the King of Brooklyn BJ Moore. That gives this team two guys that aren’t going to win the Roth Holman Doubles in Moore and Master Splinter. Rounding out the team are Ralphie and Jewdy who haven’t spoken to each other since Jewdy kicked Ralphie off her team and turned it into Spare of the Dogs which ended up being a dumpster fire of a team this year. If Jewdy and Ralphie can bury the hatchet this team is sneaky good and has a shot at the Quarters. After they do lose here are Jewdy, Moore, Magic and Splinter:

Sparkles fresh from punching his ticket to the 2 v 2 finals took Deputy’s favorite bowler Marshall “Superman” Kent. Rounding out the team are Cupcake, C Murda and Southpaw. Another dark horse here as Southpaw, Sparkles and Superman is a XXX waiting to happen. If they are lucky maybe Cupcake will make one of her special cakes:

Here is Deputy trying to talk Marshall Kent into his new nickname:

Speaking of Deputy (get a room dude) this guy picked Francois Lavoie. No offense to Francois but I had no idea who that was, had to Google the guy. Kind of like when Dick’s team got stuck with Wodka after Weber bailed and no one knew who Wodka was and then he left every frame open and got removed from the 5-hole. In Wodka’s defense he did have a sweet run in singles tournament that year. After looking up Francois I still was clueless so I provide everyone with some background info:
Native of Quebec City, Quebec…Wichita State University graduate with degree in business administration…Four-time member of Youth Team Canada…Four-time member of adult Team Canada…Won 2015 Pan Am Games doubles gold medal with partner Dan MacLelland…won 2013 World Bowling Championships trios gold medal with Mark Buffa and Patrick Girard…Won 2014 Intercollegiate Singles Championship and 2015 Intercollegiate Team Championship with Wichita State.
Wichita State is to bowling what Alabama is to football without the chance to have a multiple million dollar athletic career, or an athletic career at all. Rounding out the team is Luna, McStriker and Pauly Ringwald. Enjoy your three games guys.

Bombpop went for former Bo ProAm title holder Tommy Jones. Surprising Bombpop and Probie would show their faces at the lanes after the season they had. Rounding them out are SeaTown and Snapshot. While Oakie is a huge fan of everyone on this team this is the first time Tommy doesn’t make the quarters at this event. Here are the Dog boys and Jones at the bar after the game:

Yao Romo rounds out all 4 Dogs boys being in. Makes sense as these are the only meaningful games they will have played in all year. Yao took Wes Mallott as his pro and got an absolute ace that usually burns up the lanes at Bayside. The Big Nasty gets Slow Roll for some extra Lumberjack flavor and also has Gutterslut and E-Minor. #titlecontender alert. I fully expect this squad to make a run at the title.

Railroad took another Eastern Bloc compatriot in Osku Palermaa both these guys throw with power and chew up the lanes. Rounding them out is Honey Bunny, Space Farmer and Cookie. Definitely going to be a language barrier for everyone trying to understand Railroad. I see these guys as three and done and then Farmer does this:

Cookie gonna be down in the dumps after this one:

Roadhouse has a team that is absolutely loaded and sure to be a lot of fun. House drafted Bayside favorite Liz Johnson who was in the zone on the lanes last year. She is joined by Mo$, Tango, and Filthy McNasty all capable Baker Style rollers capable of making a run. This will be a team to watch, if it doesn’t go well they will still be a team to watch. Here is Tango and Roadhouse should things not go as planned:

There are also good odds that Tango falls down the stairs drunk after this one regardless of outcome:

Well damn if 007 can stay on his feet , and from what we saw last year that is unlikely, I like these guys as the team to beat. House lady ace Nut Sauce drafted two hander thumb in guy, wow this dude must have been weird as hell as a kid:

They also have Mitch Cumstien, Invisible Hand, and Nuber #teamBayside, like these jackasses already don’t spend enough time together as it is. Mitch is on fire, new Dad Nuber is going to need a night out, and Hand is oiling the lanes and is capable of closing two frames a game. Great squad. I see Nut Sauce rolling anchor before the night is over:

Team of Pete’s, Pistol Pete went with namesake Pete Weber:

Wow this dude looks like he might run a little hot. Weber is an all time great, but the guy pulls out of more Bo ProAm’s than Jim Morrison pulls out of gigs. Thought I was going somewhere else with that didn’t you??? If Pete stays in this is a strong team, they sport Doc Moose:

Xander 233 Rolle and Queen Bee round out this capable squad. Although I see it going like this for this team:

Bonus shot of Hungus and Nuber at the end of the night. Nuber is the shorter one:

On a serious tip good luck to all the Holman Roth, Bo ProAm teams, and the PBA League teams we got a hell of week coming up courtesy of Bayside Ball and the PBA. We super excited to have the PBA in town once again. Everyone be safe, have fun, and don‘t be a dink. Welcome to BoPo because:

BoPo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!