love traditions, and BoPo has plenty of them. Celebrity rollers. The All Star game. The Bowling Ball. Driving through snowstorms to bowl. Late matches ending at 1145. But my new fave is the personal ads that appear around Valentine’s Day. Without further ado, here are the matches for Thursday A:
Match 1: Mature, fun loving person looking to add a little spice to their lives. We love our families, especially the kids and grandkids, and am hoping to meet some younger fellas/gals to add some energy and chaotic fun to our lives. I’ve never been an adventurous eater, but hopeful to have a new friend take me out for some Mexican food, maybe a stop at a local dive bar, or take me on some other adventures I can only dream about.
Naturally, this is My Balls (+1) v. Guacabowle. Fresh from an 0-2 week last week, My Balls will hope to get back on track against the big scores of Guacabowle. This match is happening on the West side, where scores tend to be huge. And I would expect both teams to average 700+ on the night. I especially expect big things from my Peloton friend Dick Whitman, who has ridden his bike exactly 3 times in the past month. I think he is doing an extended taper to really crush it tonight.
It’s not as late as My Balls had to deal with last week, so a 7:30 start should suit them well. However, those averages from Guac are hard to ignore, and I could see them taking this match, and enjoying a post-romp hand-rolled cigarillo behind Howie’s to celebrate their win. While Bonita dances inside:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNsKvZo6MDs
Match 2: Down on his luck drifter with a passion for local sports and local beer seeking someone to dominate them all night long. Don’t care if you are old as fuck, taller than my daddy on a step stool, a lady or a dude, just pound me with strikes all night long. And then do it again. And one more time game 3 for good measure. I promise to smile all night long, and even though you may want to show a little mercy, don’t. Just don’t call me Gimp.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgryJhw8SzA
Yep, this is Leisure Rolls (+7) v. DHD. Everyone should be afraid of DHD. They are killing it, and are showing no signs of slowing down. Leisure Rolls have found the Magic touch in running into teams rolling well, timing their splits to perfection, and find themselves the only team in Thursday A averaging under a 600. Somebody get these guys a crossover with OC! Stat! Doctor, do you concur?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnJytdCvhMI
Match 3: After a near death experience, I have chosen to follow my passions, and I have many. I love designing buildings and jewelry. I love my time out on the ocean. I have a royal connection to booze, and enjoy a nice cocktail. Looking for someone who has a little ink on their body and isn’t afraid to swing it bigly. If you know what I mean. And, seeing as you’rereading this, you know exactly what I mean.
This was a bit obvious (to me anyway) but we are talking Hexy’s Hooligans (-3) v. Tattoos and Titties. T&T has stumbled a bit lately, while Hexy’s crew is rolling well, unfortunately without the results to show for it. I even saw Clam Hands and Tommy Torpedo at the lanes last weekend getting some work in. T&T have the potential to go huge on any given game, but Hexy’s Hooligans seems to grind you down with solid score after solid score after solid score, and in the end I think that’s the difference.
A little more of Flatline’s backstory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S5KVekL5eg
Match 4: Do you like a rich, full beard like mine? Do you like a neatly trimmed beard? How about a beard so massive it’s like the old cartoon Captain Cavemen, able to pull all sorts of treats from it? If so, I may be your guy. Seeking a partner who’s not afraid to dream a bit, who likes the color grey (both on their clothing but also on a small patch of my head), and can get a little handsy with me when the time is right. And I just checkedmy watch (Apple Watch, nbd)….the time is right.
Naturally this is Average Bros (-7) v. Touch My Excitement. All the dudes on Average Bros sport beards. And at least 3 of the dudes on Touch do as well. Not sure about Potato Thumb, but I could see Touch also going 4 for 4.
Average Bros are off to their usual decent start, but they don’t really get going until later in the season. Southpaw and The Dentist have probably spent more time indoor golfing than bowling the past few weeks, but they still will roll well, and are leading their team in average. I think the MVP of the Average Bros is Fisher Price, though, who has an awesome 168 average this season and will make them a tough team to play all season. Touch is still looking for their first win of the year, even losing to OC. Lil’ Bit has made a huge leap, and is rolling like a stud, but the Average Bros are too much for Touch My Excitement.
Speaking of The Dentist:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoWom0CCRKM
Match 5: All I’ve ever wanted in a partner is someone I can learn from. And have a glass of Johnny Walker with. A back rub would be nice, too. And if you can be patient with my dumb technology questions and fix my computer, even better. Are you out there? I am a local beer league legend, I mean the building has bricks with my name on them, I own a local upholstery business, I sling whole wheat bagels, and rock dreads better than any Asian war hero ever has. You know that I know that you know you want to call me…Holla!
Yep, its Y&B2 (-3) v. BUI. Y&B somehow has lost twice despite their league leading 755 team average. BUI is having a great season on the stats sheet, but find themselves in the middle of the pack in Thursday A. A testament to the strength of this division now. Y&B can start 4 bowlers with over a 190 average, while BUI “only” has 2 in Duke Thunderwood and Snapshot.
It’s a late match, so to me that helps BUI. But Duke and Animal will be super full from their dinner out to Boda to be able to roll too well. This definitely goes three games, and in the end King Ding Dong wins it for Y&B2k20.
Duke and Animal at their dinner (hey, at least it was paid for with winnings from some money games!):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoXdN7XE4RY
Match 6: If it’s not fun, then why do it? That’s a motto I try to follow in everything in my life. It’s why you usually find me dancing, laughing, partying as much as I can get away with. Family is super important to me, so looking for a fun partner who values the same things as me. Baggage (read: kids) are okay, as long as they are willing to join in the fun. If you like long walkaways on Puerto Rican Beaches as a storm rolls in, you just might be the perfect match. Let’s Get Tropical!
This one is TDYOB (-3) v. Lion’s Den. The folks of Bork are rolling well, and are feeling good coming off a 14-1 win over My Balls and their first appearance in the Power Rankings since their historic trip to the semis in 2012. Lion’s Den are not exactly rolling poorly, but are not finding a lot of wins. Mokiki and Otis are looking good. But, Spare-O is looking better. And the big leap by Spooky in the last few weeks has been a game changer.
Mokiki doesn’t like this prediction, so he tried to interrupt the 3rdSafety Meeting of the night for TDYOB:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAdAPAGIztg
Have fun tonight, and Happy Valentine’s Day!
Who says romance is dead?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
My moves are so much more sloppy than that amatuer Jim Carey.
Enjoy your safety meetings TDYOB, tonight, your in the DEN!!!
I concur.
I read our line to the tune of ‘Kiss me I’m shitface’. Made it even more badass.
Touch crushed OC on Tuesday, 14-1. We had some bad intel on that one. We apologize profusely for any confusion. As you know, we strive to print only facts in these lines.
Wait I thought we won Tuesday or did I dream that?
They wish it was a dream.