Interview With Player of The Week: Week 2 – Jeltz, Dirty Half Dozen

Bowl Portland: Congratulations on Bowler of the Week Honors.  How do you feel about it?

Jeltz: One time, in Pittsburgh, I was at a restaurant. They brought me a steak and that was tight, because I like steak. I had that steak for real, and I had a glass of wine. I believe it was a cabernet, but hey. It was nice, y’all.
Anyway, after that, I saw a sweet looking piece of banana cream pie on the dessert cart, and I ordered that mother right quick. I mean, that was exactly what I had in mind. A little banana cream, a sniff or so of Courvoisier, Pittsburgh woulda got burnt, son.
But then that pie turned out to be key lime. What a let down. Shoulda had another steak instead.
I’m a optimist though, so I believe it’ll turn out to the good next time.
BP: What kept you away from the lanes in week 1?
J: I would rather not discuss the various circumstances that led to me not appearing at the appointed time up in that piece. And shit.
BP: What’s it like having a younger sister on your team?  Any extra pressure?
J: Well, Dutch is the shit, man. She can roll, which is nice. But mo’ importantly, she tends to have money at post game, which is sweet, cause I tend to not exactly always remember to bring along my wallet.
BP: Do you think your captain is threatened by your being high scorer?
J: My captain is Mike Schmidt, and that boy is all about the numbers. We don’t talk a lot off the field.
BP: Have you considered going pro?
J: What DEAD mother told you I wasn’t pro? I want names, bitch!!
BP: Other comments?
J: I think it’s important for y’all to know that Jeltz is not afraid of nothing. Nothing scares me, brother. Except one thing, and I confront that shit every morning, in my bathroom mirror:  Jheri Curl bedhead.

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