Bittersweet Sixteen

Bowling is a merciless game, we all know that.  While I accept it, and understand what we are working toward with this playoff process, a championship title that will change the lives of those who win, it is sad to see teams go.  That said…

Now we’re rolling!

#1 Binga’s Ringas vs #16 Purple Haze

Purple Haze finished with the seventh highest average in the league, so they are not your ordinary 16 seed.  They’ve had four different rollers crack 200, the only team other than Binga’s to accomplish that (don’t fact check me).  That said, they have little to no consistency, and squeaked through the prelims with some very low scores.  Lulu and I-Moan give them a leg up, but can Arnie, The Dude and Lefty all get on track at the same time?

Binga’s is coming off the bye, but last anyone saw them they were busy shattering the league record for team score with something in the 790 range.  Crazy.  They are loaded with Wing Alex joining the already powerful bunch of Danny Diesel, Hot Mango Mike, league leader Jamaican Jerk and the suddenly hot Buffalo Booth.  That said, this is Diesel’s first playoff coaching experience.  They have the talent to win it all, definitely, the only question will be their focus.

I had been thinking Purple Haze would jump out to a game one lead like in week 10, but now I think that memory is still too vivid in Bingas’ minds.  Sorry, Dude.

Binga’s 11 Purple Haze 4

#8 Alley Gash Rollers vs #9 Pud’s Taxi

Well, this certainly looks like the game of the week.  The teams are evenly matched, and the fur has been flying all week.  Cuppy and Pud’s have taken to some really ingenious if bizarre psych-out maneuvers.  Chocolate Rain?  Pud’s has countered with more direct insults.  Eventually it devolved to taking sides in a classic musical showdown: Pud’s likes Luther Vandross, Rollers have sided with Van Morrison.  So, let’s break it down along their chosen terms.

First Band Name: Vandross – Shades of Jade    Morrison – Sputniks…….edge: Vandross

Weird Performance: Vandross – non-speaking role as hit man in Meteor Man    Morrison – Comfortably Numb at Berlin Wall with Roger Waters….edge: Morrison

Longevity: Vandross – dead  Morrison – alive…edge: Morrison

So, that settles it.

Alley Gash Rollers 8 Pud’s Taxi 7

#4 Roll Another vs. #13 Great Lost Spares

I like this game a lot.  Roll Another is in a position I can’t imagine they saw coming after last year – top seed coming off a bye.  The Spares meanwhile have faded from an early season appearance in the Power Poll, but have fought for every point on their way here.  They are tested.  Chupacabra is a quiet leader of a mute team.  Pinstigator is a smiley motivator of a Pink team.  Roll Another has The Package.  Spares has Captain Meatstick.  The Spares are sponsored by The Great Lost Bear.  Roll Another is sponsored by Maine Staffing Group, who has this picture on their web page:

Uh – oh, that looks bad.  I’ll have to call the upset.

Great Lost Spares 8 Roll Another 7

#5 Off Constantly vs. #21 Happy Hands Productions

Has anyone else noticed this very strange phenomenon?  When defending champs Off Constantly was introduced to start the season, they were roundly booed.  While some of that had to do with Dick Liquor’s silly antics, it was bigger than that – they were the league bad guys.  Flash forward 10 weeks.  Everyone loves them, one team even asked me “is anyone on Off Constantly available?”  Anyone?!?!  People want to be around this team.  It’s crazy to see a favorite and defending champ getting so much love.

Happy Hands had a nice win last week, sort of a nice finishing touch on their season.  Yeah, I think they’re done.  OC is ready to roll.  Sasha is doing a bang up job planning the Bowling Ball – Friday, April 10th, 8-midnight!

Off Constantly 12 Happy Hand Productions 3

#2 Urban Achievers vs #18 Die Gassenjungen

Urban Achievers have had an amazing first season, rolling their way to the second highest point total of the year.  They are also one of only two true expansion teams left in the tournament as the veterans flexed their muscles a bit last week.  J. Hammer has really worked on removing individuality from his unit, making all but Pinky use only initials.  They have developed an intimidating, silent stare. 

They will be staring at Uli this week, after the big German led his team to a round one upset.  He’s going to need to  step up even more if he wants to pull off this shocker.  They provide an excellent contrast in style to the Achievers, wearing dresses and pouring beer down each other’s chests.  They are a walking Oktoberfest.

Still, if there is one team unlikely to be rattled, it’s probably J, T, M, and D.

Urban Achievers 10 Die Gassenjungen 5

#7 Pinups vs #10 B.E.E.R.

Though lacking the trashtalk and creepy pre-game subplots of the 8-9 matchup, this one also has the potential to be a showstopper.  Big Ern has transfomed into a calm, patient leader, and perhaps an accupuncturist.  How else to explain Oft-Injured Chunk’s endurance.  His shoulder is hanging by tendons thinner than a mole’s hair, but he’s still rocking the big numbers.  The surprise forfeit last week allowed him to rest it, too.  Combine that with top 10 bowler Silky Pete and a roster of solid extras and you have a dangerous team.

B.E.E.R. is tough to predict.  They did hold on to get through the first round last week, and there is some thought that with that weight lifted they will come strong on Tuesday.  Roy G Biv has been spotted around town lately, and he could be a big boost to the Cheddar-led squad.  Filthy has sworn off the Filthy Hooker, but can he rediscover his 232 form, or even 75% of it?

This is a coin toss game, but I can’t pick against my own team in that situation.

B.E.E.R. 8 Pinups 7

#3 Derelicte My Balls vs #19 Incredibowls

Here come the Balls.  This team has developed a reputation for strong finishes, and Bubbles hopes that momentum carries into the post-season after the week off.  They are the hottest team in the league right now.

The Incredibowls have played with a chip on their shoulder since they were referred to in preseason as the Happy Hands JV squad.  They have proven their point.  One great fun fact – I still don’t know who their captain is! 

One fascinating subplot to watch is the Silver Fox vs. “Silver Fox” showdown.  My money’s on Silver Fox.

Derelicte My Balls 11 Incredibowls 4

#6 Dirty Half Dozen vs. #22 Strikes of Hazzard

A lot of things get said in the heat of the momet that people don’t really mean.  Sometimes a team just takes things a step too far.  Case in point – the Dirty Half Dozen.  After leading the team  in trash all year the experienced trash talker Jeltz  went strangely quiet for the last two weeks.  Then Riggs filled the void.  With this.

If you try that on the lanes, Riggs, you are disqualified.

The disqualification would be little consolation to Roscoe, or Boss Hogg.  These two are coming off the huge success of the Stache Pag and playing in this game is just gravy.  They would like to not lose their peaches.

Dirty Half Dozen (if not disqualified) 12 Strikes of Hazzard 3

6 thoughts on “Bittersweet Sixteen

  1. Dirty Half Dozen (if disqualified): All yr peaches.
    Strikes of Hazzard, random passersby: Pain, long term peach deficit.

  2. First off, regarding your “everyone loves Off Constantly” comment–not this guy. These guys would buy the last glass of water at an oasis in the middle of the desert just to pour it out in front of you. Pure evil…
    Moving on to you, Hungus. Do you think about how odd it will be writing about a league you’re no longer playing in? To go from playing the game to simply reporting it. You’re Charles Barkley, dude. You’re Charles effing Barkley.

    1. I don’t know, even when BEER loses, I’m sure Hungus will STILL have them beating us in the Power Poll.

      1. you have to earn it on the lanes, ern. averages speak volumes. and i assume you called me charles barkley as a reference to my dream team, because unlike sir charles i’ve decided i won’t dunk the black widow in your collective face. or because of my gambling issues but that’s too subtle.

        [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

      2. Oh I will earn it in the lanes my friend. In fact, I may just “Big Ern” it in the lanes tonight. Ha. Word play.

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