More Questions Than Answers: A Finals’ Preview by Natro, Walkaways

At 8:30 on Thursday, there were four teams in the running for the finals. One was a startup; another a reconfigured team with already a banner on the wall. The other two teams were original BoPo. Both of which already had banners on the wall. Those two teams had the experience, they had the family mentality, and man did they bowl.

OC has been on fire all year long. After beating the number one seed, they are now itching to return to glory. The twins runneth over on the quest for this cup. They have the experience, the depth of bench, and enough lefties to make sure that they have the right people on the lanes to adapt to any lane conditions. Two friendlies on Thursday night made them used to beating teams that they liked.

BEER had a tougher way into the finals, and they are ready to prove that last year’s win was not just a fluke. They have the best bowler from the league, they have the brain behind this whole thing, and they have the Zen-est bowler this side of Binga’s. And they have already been through their grudge match with the other house team.

They both come into the finals with some questions. As usual, the finals will come down to the matchups. Will Cheddar’s lack of bowling for three weeks show? Can Oz regain his early season form when it matters to take the point? Are they just going to throw the same line as each other the whole night? Will we be able to hear the Cheddar’s pop over the sound of the screaming fans?

Will McQueen put his livelihood on the line when he comes up against his employer in the match, or will he fold? Is he going to be able to follow through into a column without fouling while picking up a 10 pin? What if there is no column there? And for that matter, can Hungus tear himself away from the lanes and let Lou take over so he can enjoy the match? Does Beatrix really want to watch her boss beat her man friend Off Constantly?

What will be the outcome of the battle of bartender charisma? Will the efficient style of Number One be able to hold up against said Zen-master and everyone’s favorite drink shaker player Filthy McNasty? Is Number One’s finger going to hold up? Is the lack of WMPG going to throw Filthy off?

Which lady from OC is going to “feel it”? Can either of them step up against BoPo darling and second best named Coco Lopez? Has Queen Bee recovered from her back injury, and will she step up like she did in last year’s finals? Are blondes really better bowlers?

And what about the bench? How many shots is Tom Richards going to take before his first rock, paper, scissors game? Does he realize that he always throws rock? Will he throw scissors? Will Filthy throw rock instead of paper, thinking that TR will throw scissors? Will Tron go all number two over TR?

What about Dick Liquor? How many games in before BEER sees The Dick? And how many times is he going to say that during the match? Is his turban going to break or is his ball going to break the ball return rack. How many times is the right amount of times to put your thumb in the ball before you throw? Four? Five?

Which teammate is going to return for the match? Is BOB going to cheer like one and a half people? Can OC get some voodoo love from New Orleans?

Those two families meet on Saturday night, on the lanes, with the fanfare, and the pressure and the love to decide which team will get that second banner. If I were a betting man, I would bet on the over on 14 shots of Tuaca, the over on two blackouts, and call a push on one incestual love fest the likes of which have yet to be seen. OC -1.

It’s time to dance. And answer some questions.

7 thoughts on “More Questions Than Answers: A Finals’ Preview by Natro, Walkaways

  1. Props to OC and BEER for an awesome finals, and to OC on a much deserved second championship!

  2. Looks like someones antics got under Natro’s skin on Thursday.

    Hey Natro, speaking of thumbs, who’s got two thumbs and is in the playoffs?

    This Guy

    1. You don’t bother me. I talked about everyone. Funny that you are the only one who was offended by it.

      1. The only thing that offends me are seven ten splits and clowns.

        And, don’t worry, B.E.E.R. will get a taste of the Dick.

  3. Love the writeup. The popping of the thumb hole on the purple ball cracks me up. Nicely done.

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