Playoffs!!! Lines are too fun, so they must continue through the playoff run. Oakie handled Tuesday’s action, so I will handle Thursday. As always, the point spread is real….the rest of it is total NSFW nonsense. For those Tuesday teams who have yet to get a taste of the Thursday lines, I offer a few tips. First, click on the links. Second, be ready to laugh at yourself.
If you get shit on in the lines, don’t sweat it…usually you end up doing well. Just ask BUI, who beat Sharks and Strikes Tuesday night after getting pounded in the lines all year. Thursday!!!
DHD (-5) v. My Balls – The second of the 2 B semi-finals will happen Thursday early, with the winner getting a date with Yahtzee in the second round. My Balls is loaded with people who can go big….ask Wej to show you his brick some day. Luna has 3 200 games this season, so expect My Balls to force this to game 3. But a 40+ pin team average lead will be too tough to overcome. DHD advances to the B final.
DHD has really taken this team bonding thing to heart, they are even growing playoff beards. The ladies decided to stop shaving their pits in solidarity, and the men of DHD are not exactly thrilled about it. Here they are discussing this in a team meeting:
If there’s one good thing going for My Balls, it’s that Barry Violet didn’t get enough games to qualify for the playoffs, so he won’t be tanking the match away.
Never knew the ladies of DHD were singers! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4iFhgyZdcU
Settle down, Farmer, I said singers, not swingers!
Bingas (-3) v. GOB – Spring in Maine…where flowers first bloom, the snow piles melt away leaving behind untold numbers of piles of dog poop, a new cornucopia of smells emerge in the Bayside neighborhood, and Bingas pulls their shit together and goes on a playoff run.
Come Spring Reggae!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dihgDsyM_Yg
The good people of GOB will run into the wrong team at the wrong time of the year in this match. Bingas likes late matches as much as TDYOB, as it provides them ample time to prepare for the festivities and cart in their elaborate shrine to all things Rastafari. GOB will not go quietly and do force a third game, but their season ends on Thursday.
Touch My Excite (-1) v. Strikes of Hazzard – If this were Vegas, we would take this game off the board because we don’t know who can make it for Strikes. How Sparkles picked their matches all year was a mystery, until I found footage:
No wonder he was wrong so much.
I am making this prediction based on LB and General Lee being at the match. They are both awesome, but the rest of their team is not up to the standards of Touch, so by winning the 3rd and 4th points each game Touch will win a close one.
One of my favorite couples in the league is Viking and Viqueen. Great to have them both rolling in the league now, always good to see them at the lanes. When not bowling, they are both active in the LARP scene, and I found some footage of them practicing for a Renaissance Fair last summer…beautiful singing by Viqueen while she tends to “Bam Bam”, which I guess is Viking’s LARPing name. Why he didn’t just go with Viking I’ll never know:
LOS (-3) v. Incredibowls – This one comes down to depth. LOS has Double Cheese and Precious, but Spidey and God of Thunder can battle those two with some huge scores of their own. The third dude is where LOS will exert their strength, because Incredibowls don’t have a Stiffy. (Click below to see what’s new and different about Stiffy)
Incredibowls scored more points than anyone in Tuesday B with 131, but some tough upsets left them outside the B playoffs. Not much of a consolation prize….they bowl on their off night and get to lose to LOS. Someone needs to put a shot clock on Sweet Baby Lou, I can see his slow style driving LOS crazy, but not so crazy that they lose.
Leisure Rolls (-5) v. Ball That – Happens every year, a team that nobody expects gets a couple wins in the tournament. I don’t expect either of these guys to be that team in 2017.
Ball That had a glorious time getting crushed by those tools with massive averages in Tuesday A, but none of that matters anymore. However, their 550 team average does matter and will not be nearly enough against the steady rolling of Leisure Rolls.
Leisure Rolls continued their fun and winning ways even without Sloppiness to keep their drinking stats atop the leaderboard. You just know he would have gone nuts with the shot specials this season. He probably saved $500 in shots alone by not being in BoPo. While he is missed, don’t worry, everyone, he is doing just fine. He even started an after school program for some local kids in Ohio:
Young and the Bowled II (-7) v. Splits Happen – Splits don’t happen to Y&B II; that’s why they are undefeated. Crackerjack and Glossy had great seasons and will get to extend them with an easy win over Splits Happen. (This paragraph definitely contains the worst joke I have written in these lines all year) #mailingitin
This Y&B II team seems pretty motivated to make a deep run in the playoffs. Their happy vibe has a bit of an edge to it, as they are gunning for the win. I get it, we all want to win, but nobody on my team sacrifices any fun for wins….maybe that’s why we lose so much? And also have more fun? ITZ gave the pre-game speech for the team this week, you can tell what their team goals are, take a look:
Guacabowle (-1) v. OC – A few years back Guacabowle beat OC in the first round of the playoffs, and it was a HUGE upset. Guac gained the reputation of being giant killers (deservedly so), and are now one of the stronger teams of Thursday A. That’s not saying much, but avoiding the Sunday Shootout means you had a strong season.
OC has this dude on their team named Gutterboy, and my understanding is the guy is a total douche. He had a sub-par season by his standards, and abandoned his mom to bowl on this team….that is some cold shit right there. (Truth is his mom is psyched not to be hanging with the guy every Tuesday. The guy used to put his Mooseheads on her tab all the time).
I am predicting a valiant attempt at payback for the upset from the past in this one. But not this year. New dad Number One was rolling well lately, but now he is juggling twins, sleeping very little, and bowling is not quite top of mind. Gutterboy doesn’t have all those major titles because he can’t bowl, so he will make things very hard for Guac. Unfortunately for Guacabowle, Dick Liquor isn’t walking through that door.
But if he did, it would look like this:
Oddballs (-3) v. TDYOB – Oddballs were very kind to allow this match to happen on Thursday so TDYOB would have 4 bowlers available as Munson is travelling early this week and Sneaky Pete has a broken arse. I think they agreed to this before learning that he went 239 227 in the Sunday Shootout. Something tells me the knowledge that Thunder went 126 125 makes them feel a little better about this one.
Don’t you love being the anchor bowler on your team with a chance to beerframe your teammate? Thunder is usually that guy for TDYOB, and he was gifted a great opportunity to close a beerframe in frame 1 of match 1 last weekend. Did he:
- Throw a good shot, but no strike
- Hurl it straight into the gutter
If you selected A, click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
If you selected B, click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx_Zo93RQoo
If you selected C, click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcUPgiwSTn8
Oddballs were formed from the wreckage of 2 time Titleist Back in Black. Brooklyn brought in his brother Heart Break Kid, another of the growing ranks of 2-handers in the league. Huge props to Brooklyn for maintaining the run in BoPo, in my view he should be in contention for Captain of the Year for saving the team and also expanding our BoPo ranks.
Oddballs are better than TDYOB, simple as that, so they will get the win.
Personally, those bright colors on the Oddballs shirts are a little 80’s for me. But it does make sense when you catch Brooklyn in action at his “real” job:
Don’t worry, Twisted Tea, Tinderella, and Heartbreak Kid entered the team competition also (looking good out there guys!):
Before I go, everyone, guess who I found on You tube??
While I have the floor, here are my picks for the major awards this season:
Rookie of the Year: G-Force
Team of the Year: Party Mix
Captain of the Year: Rick Vaughn (hey, I said Brooklyn should contend, not win COTY)
MVB: Nut Sauce
He Deserves Some Type of Award: The Fuge, for creating a new team and designing awesome gear for many BoPo teams
Good Luck Thursday! Set ‘em up, knock ‘em down.
5 thoughts on “Thursday Cupid Lines”
The Vik(insert royalty) LARP’ing line an all timer. Had me laughing pretty hard.
to add to the humor and a dig at my age….I said out loud “LARP????” and my daughter said…”uuuummmmm….yeah…Live Action Role Playing”. I tried to play it off but the hole time I was thinking some form of AARP….
Once everyone sees Stiffy’s new 3T Scroat, my sales will jump off the charts!!!!
3T Scroats will soon be the hottest thing since….2T Scroats!
That first ball really set the tone for my Sunday Shootout……
That is when I knew I was fucked…