Greenpants Doubles Down

I’m on double duty today… buckle up.

Strikes on Tap (-8) vs. BARE

The only undefeated team in BoPo remains undefeated in this one. BARE was trending. Ask Garlic. They were really performing as a team before Bayside shutdown for the pandemic. They lost a few tight matches over the season, too. Not that any of this would matter against the thunderous Strikes. Even if Sticky Fingers was able to see through the daily haze of weed smoke and Highlifes to bowl better than his normal dumpster fire ways, it still wouldn’t be enough. Strikes would take BARE to the cleaners. Speaking of the Cleaner, he must be relieved we can’t high-five each other. You know, on account of the fact that he’s blind as a bat and has a 3.6% completion rate on high-fives. BARE would come to play, but Strikes takes this one. 

The lost child that is Sticky Fingers exactly one day after Bayside closed…

Poultry Ass vs. Burners (-6)

The Burners have had a less than exciting year. That’ll happen when you’re too busy taking bong hits to practice. The once Darlings of Bayside should now be known as the Milk Carton Kids. Granted, they’re still better than the Poultry Association. These hacks practice and still suck. How? What happened? Remember when you guys used to be in the Power Rankings? The glory days. Gone and lost forever. Burners would have picked up their 4th win of the season. Just a couple two or three away from being .500 on the season. 

Here’s the Burners getting ready for the game…

Brooklyn Hookers (-4) vs. Bowling Stones

Judging from the numbers, Hookers will take this one. But my preference would be Sarge and the Stones with the W. The Hookers are amongst the most boring teams in Bayside – they don’t know what the word party means. Somebody get the Hookers a few lines of blow and wake them the fuck up. 

It’s nice of the Hookers to carpool to Bayside. Stewards in the fight against climate change. Here’s a look at Eggroll and Cool J on the way to the game…

NED (-11) vs. Whoomp

NED. The team that should be in A would have shown Whoomp exactly why. Burt the Bandit and his gang of coattail riders have done nothing but crush this season. I can’t imagine anything changing. I went to look up some stats for Whoomp and started from the bottom of the page and worked my way up. I’d say better luck next year, Whoomp, but I don’t think that a year will make a damn bit of difference. Doesn’t matter that this game won’t happen, congrats on the win, NED.  

I like Burt—he knows how to party. Here he is preparing for the team afterparty…

Budweisers (-8) vs. BILF

Neither team is all that great here, although Budweisers is sporting an over 600 average. Something tells me BILF’s 547 average won’t be quite enough to pull out their third win of the season. If I were BILF, I’d just do what Shooter does and try to drug your opponent. Not that I’m hating, I was stockpiling Rohypnol before the virus hit. Nothing wrong with a competitive edge. At least both teams know how to drink; you gotta be good at something in life. BILF struggles to take this to 3 in this drunken orgy. 

BILF was spotted in the smoking lounge after the game. Jesus, guys, get a hold of yourselves. Not exactly ideal social distancing… 

Bowl Trolls (-1) vs. Wrecking Balls

This one would have been a fun one to watch. I think due to general team energy, Trolls would pull this one out. Swanny and the Balls would snooze their way through this one. Pay no attention to the Wrecking Balls’ record, this team of aging hasbeens is on the decline. That being said, the Bowl Trolls are usually blackout by the start of game 3. So it’ll be a battle of the last man standing. On one side, you have the Wrecking Balls staving off the need to be in bed by 8 p.m. and on the other, you have the Bowl Trolls, who will be trying to maintain enough coherence to even fucking bowl.  Would have been a fun one to watch!

Here’s The Fuge after getting some tasty chicken fajitas to celebrate the big win… 

Incredibowls (-12) vs. Splits AF

Splits was a fun team to play. That is if you can get comfortable with the ever creepy vibes Shifter gives you. It feels like he’s always watching and breathing heavy over your shoulder. Maybe it’s just me though. Being fun doesn’t get you wins, though. Ask Nurps about that. If you want to talk about having fun and winning, talk to the Incredibowls. These guys bring the party. And they just keep pounding. They took a page out of Method Man’s book, and fucking sew their opponents assholes closed, and keep feedin’ you, and feedin’ you, and feedin’ you, and feedin’ you. This one wouldn’t be much of an issue for Incredibowls.  They walk away laughing after the blowout.   


Love you, BoPo.  Till we see each other again!


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