Perhaps you’re here for the first time today, following our feature story in the Press Herald (or perhaps you’re Big Ern just here to stir up trouble – watch yourself, Ern!), so I thought I’d answer a few questions.
Q: Why does your teammate look like he is going to stab you in the back in that picture?
A: Filthy hates the sound of laughter. It reminds him of being picked on in junior high – mostly because his name is Filthy McNasty. I blame his parents, Bob and Linda McNasty. Anyway, right after the picture was taken he grabbed a bowling ball and smashed it through the plate glass window out front to release his aggression, and the smile slowly came back to his face.
Q: I’ve been told never trust anyone over 30. Any thoughts?
A: Good question. Only in Maine am I “young adult” at age 33. Now I have to go to the library and return my copy of Freckle Juice.
Q: I bowl around 250. Can I join your league?
A: No. Unless that is over a three game series.
Q: I am 57, can I join your league?
A: Yes. I think you may be just on the edge of Young adult, but you are welcome.
Q: The article said the Big Lebowski was a ‘bowling farce’. I am deeply offended at that denigration of an American classic.
Q: Wow, Hungus, where do you go from here?
A: Simple. BoccePortland.
Q: Isn’t your playoff system just a formality? I mean, Off Constantly is going ot mop the floor with everyone. Maybe you should just save everyone the heartache and give us , I mean them, the crown now. We’ll let you look at it.
A: Ah, interesting question. I feel that Off Constrantly is very vulnerable right now. There is a ‘blueprint’ for taking them out. Stay close to Oz, and take out the Twins.
I’ll be back this afternoon to answer more of your questions. Oh, and “Gritty” from the PPH comments, you are welcome to play in the league next year assuming you aren’t a ridiculously good bowler. We have bowlers from ages 17 to 44 this year, and all are welcome.