Congratulations on Bowler of the Week!
So, before your recent absence from the team, you seemed frustrated and angry and your scores were down. Now you return to your best performance of the year. Was the difference taking some time to clear your head?
I think everyone can relate to the stress of league bowling. The media was relentless, my agent was trying to dick me over when my scores started to fall. I think some of the staff at Yankee lanes were getting paid off to mess with my game. They kept putting up that graphic of the dinosaur getting flattened by the meteor ball. What gives man! They know I got a soft spot for the Brontosaurus.
The road was good for me and my ball. We were able to spend some quality time away from the lanes together. We both really appreciated that. The Toughcats had some troubles with the van on the road. We kept a really positive attitude when times were rough. I think my ball and I really gained something from that experience as well. I also got to spend some time with my Mentor Mary-Lou, a late seventies league bowler from Pittsburgh. She really helped get things back into perspective for me. The crystal-meth I scored on lane 32 before the game definitely didn’t hurt either.
What was the biggest difference you noticed in the bowling in Missouri?
Early Morning Alcohol Consumption! I was always impressed by the amount of pitchers consumed on Tuesday nights by the BowlPortland League until I witnessed the miller highlife bottle carnage at the AMF lanes in Missouri. We have got a lot more drinking to do if we want to be on par with the rollers from the Show-Me State.
DHD had a little slump and there seemed to be some tension on the team. Now you’re winning again. Is that tension gone for good or simmering below the surface?
One thing about DHD is there has never been any tension between the team. We have always been about the team, and will always be about the team. Everyone gets hot. Everyone gets cold. Everyone rolls two games. Everyone contributes.
Are you at all concerned about the Bowler of the Week curse?
I’m bowler of the week? I thought this was an online dating questionnaire.
Was Jeltz lording his week 2 “Bowler of the Week” award over the rest of the team?
The only thing Jeltz was lording over the team was his vintage autographed copy of Richard Simmons “Sweatin’ to the Oldies.” He takes that thing everywhere with him. He makes us all kiss it for good luck, but he won’t even let us hold it. He keeps telling us they are related, but I don’t buy it.
If the playoffs go true to form, you would meet Derelicte My Balls in the semis, only two weeks after this game. Will you guys hold some stuff back for a potential playoff matchup?
If by stuff you mean “STUFF,” then hell yeah. That shit is expensive, and I only got a little left. My guy on lane 32 isn’t to reliable, and is kind of a tweaker.
Where was your jersey last week? Does the strong performance without it mean you will stick to sweatshirts the rest of the way?
I go out and smoke too much to bother with taking my sweatshirt off every time I am up to roll. My agent also wanted me to mention that sales of the Harlyn P Hoodie are gaining ground on the Belichick Hoodie on Ebay. Get one while the getting’s cheap.
Any other comments?
The Toughcats just got nominated for best Roots Act by the Portland Phoenix! Go HERE and vote for us. How can you not like a band that is currently working with Hungus to write a BowlPortland theme song?