First Week Schedule Revealed!!!!!!!!!

Off Constantly vs. Three Fingered Willies: The champs begin their title defense against this year’s melting pot team.  The Willies’ are hoping their veteran acquisition Pin Whisperer returns to glory as they face a rude welcome to the league.Urban Achievers vs. The Pinups: Big Ern’s Pinups try to shake off last year’s disappointing finish as they welcome back oft-injured Chunk.  The Urban Achievers are brand new, and proud we are of all of them.Three Livers vs. Hyper-Bowl-E: Another new team faces a stern test against a veteran squad.  3 Livers welcomes Fred to replace Hank, and the captaincy is in the able hands of Pearl.  Hyper-Bowl-E will wear you down. They bring an unheard of 9 players into their opening season.  Don’t ask Michael Bowl-ton to sing, please.Gutterballs vs. Young and the Bowled: Two new teams square off, with the Gutterballs backed by the odd combination of carpentry and sex toys.  I still think the Young and the Bowled should have been the Bowled and the Beautiful.Lesbowlians vs. Sweet Rolls: Sugar (formerly Shenner Lee)and Frenchie venture out to captain their own team, and they sound delicious.  The Lesbowlians feature BowlPortland web-designer turned captain Trixie, so regardless of the outcome expect to see them at the top of the standings online.  They can haz strikz.Purple Haze vs B.E.E.R.: This one’s going to be a bloodbath, as brothers K. Hungus and the Dude duke it out in a crucial Power Family Division early-season matchup.  B.E.E.R. welcomes new roller Cheddar, while Purple Haze brings in three new rollers: Hendrix, Arnie and Tootsie.  I will make no Tootsie/roll jokes all year.Roll Another vs. Pud’s Taxi: A division game.  Chupacapra has changed his team’s name, colors and roster, wanting no reminders of last year’s disastrous campaign.  As of press time, Pud’s doesn’t even have a roster, so hard to call this one.Great Lost Spares vs. Saucy Posse:  Lots of veterans in this one.  The Saucy Posse is one of this year’s sexy picks to challenge for the title.  The Spares are just plain sexy.Binga’s vs. Happy Hands Productions: Binga’s took a hit when Wing Alex walked out in a contract dispute, but Danny Diesel has assembled a never-say-die squad.  Happy Hands maintains their edge, and know they need this crucial division game. They could be distracted as Sasha Northfield is supposedly working on a new “film”.Maine Yacht Center vs. Dirty Half Dozen: In my book the most interesting game of the week.  DHD is hungry and focused after their finals loss, and battle hardened.  MYC looks full of potential, and a bit rowdy when they get ashore.  Very intriguing matchup.Strikes of Hazzard vs. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter (ICBING): Peanut Gutter and crew have a lot of gutter references in their names, which could just be to throw you off.  The Strikes face a difficult test in bringing Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane together with Uncle Jesse and Cooter to form a team.  Hillarity ensues.Die Gassenjungen vs Alley Gash Rollers: More new teams.  Damn there are a lot of games.  Die Gass, as they they are affectionately known from Dusseldorf to Munchen, are getting the lederhosen ready.  Ausgezeichnet!  The AG Rollers look to hipcheck their way to victory.Derelicte My Balls vs. Incredibowls: On paper this is no contest.  The Balls look like one of the league elites, now that they have brought in Muskrat and dealt with the multiple Betty situation.  Incredibowls hasn’t even contacted the league, preferring to hide under Sasha Northfields skirt.  Wait a minute, now it all makes sense.MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION EVER:Week One postgame is at……………………….RIVALRIES, sponsor of Team BEER.  It is not only awesome to attend postgame, but important to the league.  We moved the start times up a half hour to accomodate better postgame attendance.  Free bowling ball to anyone with perfect attendance on the year!** must have at least one drink per postgame