The Voice of the People: Week 6 in BowlPortland

Writeups are being submitted by 13 different writers, one from each game.  I will be updating throughout the day as they roll in.  They are signifiantly longer than mine.

B.E.E.R. 13 I.C.B.I.N.G. 2

by Peanut Gutter – ICBING

Jose Canseco, A-Roid, Karl Hungus…..

Yes, you read that right.  After watching B.E.E.R. destroy I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter last night, that is the only thing this reporter can come up with.

ICBING came out of the gates smoking hot.  With 4 Gutter Bowlers all set to roll, the crowd, anticipating history in the making, not making a single noise as each Gutter stepped up to the line, and then erupting as the ball smacked the wimpy pins all over the alley, strike after strike after strike and B.E.E.R. leaving at least 4 pins in each frame.  ICBING was feeling good, the crowd was on their side, the bowling gods were looking down on them favorably.  But lo and behold!!  A computer scoring glitch, the house had to reset games for the entire league, but in doing so deflated the collective will of all the ICBINGs.  Leaving each Gutter to stare in amazement as 9 pins fell in every frame, leaving just 1, yes you read that right, just one pin standing.

Karl Hungus and Cheddar bowled all over the Gutterballs, leaving Tom, Queen Biscuit and Filthy with mop up duty.  And mop up they did, to the tune of 13-2.  I for one thought that a few hammers were going to be thrown, but the only hammers I saw were from Munj and his company called Upright Frameworks.  They will come to your house and do an energy audit and write a comprehensive report detailing how you can save some money on your energy bills.  Not bad and you get a discount for being a fake american!!!

After a rash of reply to alls regarding the DJ, This reporter thought that scratching by the house DJ was out.  Well, it was definitely in at one point.  GutterFace was knocking ’em down and B.E.E.R. was up against the ropes.  As this reporter looked up from his notepad, he saw Karl Hungus, Cheddar, Filthy and Tom all dancing to the music and taunting the DJ by fake air scratching.  Then, then it, then it, then, then, then it happened……  He started scratching, throwing GutterFace’s rhythm off by half a second, causing GutterFace to live up to the teams name by throwing a gutterball.

With cries of “Pump Cheese”, the 1 pin standing and the delicious taste of the ice cold beer lingering, ICBING walked out into the cold night thinking of ways to implicate Karl Hungus and his merry band of rollers in this steroid scandal that is now rocking all Major League sports…….

Remember, “You gotta get up to get down!!”

Purple Haze 9  Three Livers  6

by The Dude – Purple Haze

The Haze came out smokin in week 6, with the bitter taste of continued underachievement fueling their game.  The Dude opened with a turkey and all Haze rollers started well, causing the 3 late arriving Livers to scramble into a bit of a shell-shocked start.  Wilma shook it off and inspired her teammates with a turkey of her own in frames 5-7, showing no fear and great form.  Fred, Flo and Ruth slowly got into it but Arnie, Imoan and Lefty pinned them down one by one.  After his strong start The Dude was outperformed by Wilma who rose to the occasion with a game 1 score of 184 to top out the night. Nevertheless the Haze took a 4-1 lead. with a 530-476 total.

Arnie rolled a 137 in Game 1, and was feeling it into Game 2 – in fact he was on fire with the best night of his young career topping out with a 169 to win game 2 honors.  The Dude played up to Arnie, whos shaggy look belied an intense competitiveness underneath, and posted a 167.  Tootsie was strong at the end, and scored a sweet 107.  Fred finished spare/strike throwing hard enough to shake the lanes and splinter some pins and had his best score in game 2.  Still the Haze played like a well-oiled machine and notched a team score of 560, which with the Livers slight tailoff to 454 meant the Haze took a commanding 5-0 game and 9-1 lead heading into Game 3.

Arnie and Tootsie hit the road after pacing the Haze, and just like in week 5 it seemed their departure took the competitive wind out of the Haze sails.  All Haze rollers looked tired and out of synch and posted massive tailoffs in Game 3.  The Livers tailed off a bit again too but not so dramatically, and the dance moves began to pop.  Flo and Ruth tried to one-up each other after good throws, and the battle was intense.  Lefty got into it with his own dance moves, but left his bowling form to suffer for it.  Inspired by the dancing, Lulu showed her own dance form to go with her perfect post-roll posture.  In the end Ruth had the killer valentine socks and a sweet split, but Flo held her double pump move the longest to win the dance point.  The ring-pop sucking ended in a tie.  To finish what should have been a breakout night for the Haze on the lanes, they wore down and dropped a 5-0 game 3 to the Livers with a pathetic 386 team score up against a diminished 436.

Three Livers was happy with the finish, but were heard as they headed to post game saying “We miss pearl and bernie from the bottom of our hearts”.

One thought on “The Voice of the People: Week 6 in BowlPortland

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: