Pinups 10 Incredibowls 5 (big ern)
The Pinups came out in full force for Game 1. Chunk and Silky Pete had strong games, and despite huge games by Boston and Sweet Baby Lou, the Pinups came away with a Game 1 shutout.
Not ones to take such a result lightly, the Incredibowls, like a cornered animal, became dangerous. Lashing out, the Incredibowls convincingly grabbed 2 points during Game 2. At this point, it seemed that Hugh Manatee’s pre-game trash talk (“Incredibowls… more like Incredibowel movements. Right guys? Right….?) was premature.
Riding this momentum to Game 3, the Incredibowls rolled their best game of the night, winning 3 points. Boston crushed the Pinups’ best present rollers, Silky Pete and Bulge Temptingly, by a margin larger than Nixon beat McGovern in ’72 (who said you couldn’t learn anything from a write-up?).
When it was all said and done, the Pinups came away with the win, but it was not enough to close the gap between them and their divisional rivals, the Yankees of BowlPortland, the Urban Achievers. Naturally, this leaves everyone asking the same question: Where would the Pinups be ranked if the Commissioner enforced all of the league’s rules and put a stop to Urban Achievers’ flagrant violations of gender rules. To quote one league-member “It’s like boy-band practice ran late, and they didn’t have to go pick up their ‘beards’.”
Gutterballs 9 Happy Hands 6
The Outlook was hopeful for the Gutterballs that day:
The score stood at zero, with but three strings to play.
First up on the roster was Hildo-the-Great,
And a cheer went up from her teammates in wait.
Next in the queue was Clifford, just Cliff to you,
and he took the lane by storm when he threw.
The Nilhist followed, however its spelled.
with fist-pumping glory, what a sight to beheld!
Doll rounded the list with a feminine flare.
Too bad she usually can’t get a spare.
Lolo waited and cheered for her chance at the lane.
JP wasn’t feeling well, our loss and no gain.
Gigi showed up on time but only to leave.
With two players down we were owed a reprieve.
But Happy Hands Productions cut us no slack
The first string was 5, zip, they were on the attack!
String two was a split, but we were aiming to rise.
Doll had never bowled three digits. Tonight though? Surprise!
The Nilhist sat out the third as he’d drawn the short straw
Don’t screw it up he piped while pumping his paw.
There was ease in Lolo’s manner as she bowled a good strike;
There was pride in HIl’s bearing, hey pin “Take a hIke!”
Cliff could barely contain his frustration at first
What’s wrong with that nine pin? It won’t fall, I’m cursed!
Nilhist’s smile grew wider as the scores slowly increased;
With the way Doll was throwing, the lane must be greased!
As we tallied our scores, elation grew to great heights
We scored it, we won, thank you and goodnight!
A thank you to Ernest Lawrence Thayer for a bit of “Casey at the Bat”
Derelicte My Balls over Die Gassenjungen (bubbles)
There once was a team named Die Gass
Full of flag-waving, hip-shaking sass
Tuesday nights found them drinking
Dancing, bowling, glass clinking
Very rarely on beer did they pass
Then one Tuesday Cap’n Ulli fell ill
Hoppy drinks he just couldn’t swill
Team stayed sober beside him
And outcome was quite grim
Sober tears nearly started to spill
Josef rolled a good game, well a few
But his lone efforts just wouldn’t do
Bubbles’ Balls were on fire
They were fueled by desire
To move up in BowlPortland, Year Two
Speaking of Bubbles’ Balls, they run deep
Competition among subs is steep
T. Jones, Barry, and Bunz
Tonight were the onez
Scoring big points and good times real cheap
Urban Achievers 13 Three Fingered Willies 2 (dirk mclucky)
For one fleeting moment, it seemed as though an upset of historic proportions was in the cards. In Game 1, the Urban Achievers threw everything they had at the underdog Willies, racking up an impressive total with M. Knuckles and captain J. Hammer leading the charge. 3FW refused to buckle under the onslaught, however, and managed to pick up 2 points with strong performances from The Munj, super-sub Hockey Mom, and the McLuckys. Games 2 and 3 were a different story…..
In Game 2, UA surpassed their Game 1 total, and thoroughly crushed the Willies thanks to Turd Ferguson and D. Fingers stepping up their games. Pin Whisperer came up big for 3FW, but with it wasn’t quite enough and UA picked up all 5 points.
In Game 3, both teams lost some steam, and UA looked merely mortal. But, 3FW didn’t have enough left in the tank, even with Slick Nick rediscovering his form, and couldn’t walk though the door that UA left open. UA 5 – 3FW 0
Sweet Rolls over Great Lost Spares (sugar)
After weeks of singing “the Candyman can,” the Sweet Rolls feared that they couldn’t without their best player. Perhaps the competitive edge finally got the best of them or maybe it was Sugar’s cheerleading high kicks. Whatever it was, the team brought the candy store. Sugar Daddy pumped up the ladies with “pep” talks about how this sweetness has to pull them to the playoffs. However, the real pep was administered by Sugar’s cheerleading. Rumor has it that the splits, jumps and screams injured the player with a sprained wrist — or at least, that’s what she insists to be responsible for the multiple gutters.
Gutters didn’t detract the team. They were on fire. Sweet fire. It must have been an overdose of Red Hots on Valentines Day that led to Sugar Daddy’s turkey repeat performance yielding a third game total score of 201. Baby Ruth finally broke 100. Honey didn’t find any pep in Sugar’s cheering or Sugar Daddy’s talks, but did do some fine dancing. Frenchie was unjustly benched by the team’s captain in the third game which only leaves speculation of her overwhelming success. All in all, this week revealed that these sweet thangs are ready to be dipped in a dream. The world can taste this good. Oh, yes it can.
Binga’s Ringas 10 Saucy Posse 5 (Hot Sauce – SauPo)
Hitch hikers? Pick ‘em up!!!!
Sorry for the lack of punctuality in the write up. We were so distraught about the loss to Bingas, The Posse chose to skip town to the Saucy’s lake retreat hidden deep in the North Western wilderness of Maine. Much of the time, (when not taste testing and retesting the same ½ gal. bottle of Crown Royal and discussing the up coming Oscars) was spent strategizing, brainstorming and number crunching that will bring the focus back to SauPo and their winning ways.
Having dropped out of the Power Poll since the beginning of the season, The Saucy Posse was feeling under appreciated rolling into week 6. SauPo wasn’t about to give up just yet, they wanted to quiet the critics and win the much anticipated David and Goliath match up against Bingas Ringas. Since, of course, this is a dog-eat-dog league, nothing is going to come easy.
Bingas proved this early and smashed any idea of a victory for the SauPo showing why they were the Goliath of this match up. Although they lacked their dominating demeanor of the past five weeks amidst a missing Wing Alex and sub par performances from Jamaican Jerk and Danny Diesel, Bingas came out to an early 10-0 lead over the identity fighting SauPo. This beating was followed by a Posse’s sweep of their own, for a final of 10-5.
“We didn’t play great, they didn’t play great, the lanes were shit, no practice, but oh well, at least we caught a buzz on”, was overheard in the lanes of 9 & 10. “Glad we squeaked out some points”, Jewels proclaimed. Bingas came away with the victory, however, agreed much work needed to be done to stay atop. “Everyone will be gunning for us at the top, the Saucy Posse proved that to us.” The Posse could have been the wedge for Binga’s slide in world, a-hem, I mean, BP domination. Watch for Binga’s at the dreaded 25-26 lanes this week next to those crazies, where cheering for your team/opponent is frowned upon. Friggin hooligans, start your bowling league early and get the F out of dodge so BP can enjoy their complete take over of Yankee lanes and have music for all three games!