Week 2: Back to the Future

Three Fingered Willies 8 Roll Another 7

In the beginning…12 teams assembled on a cold January night in 2008 to try “a bowling league”. Many did it ironically. The canvas was blank. Stepping up to the easel was the Artist Formerly Known as the Pin Whisperer. On the very first night, P-Dubs set the early mark with the league high score. People wanted to see him, to touch him. Long story short, the pressure was too much for the generally reserved Whisperer. Soon, the conversation became “whatever happened to…?” as PW faded into obscurity. Then he was traded to the Three Fingered Willies, and spent another year overcoming the psychological turmoil. Well, finally, in Week 2 of Season 3, P-Dubs shook the doldrums, and along with an inspired performance by his Captain Dirk, led the Willies to a thrilling 8-7 win one week after being shutout.  Let’s hope it’s not a one hit wonder.  Good to hear from you P-Dubs.

Roll Another did salvage 8 points with a comeback in game 3. The Package led the charge with some really big games. They may have had some vision issues, because they stated that the only team they can’t beat is the team they can’t see.

Dirty Half Dozen 13 Strikes of Hazzard 2

The rumors were already flying that DHD Captain Riggs had lost a little of his focus. Well, anyone looking for confirmation need look no further than the trunk of my car, which is where his jersey is after he cavalierly left it at the lanes. I’m sure there is a fascinating subtext about shedding the external trappings and what-not, but I’m more concerned with things bowling than things metaphysical, and so I wonder what direction DHD is headed. They’ve haven’t been tested, so it’s hard to say. Jeltz rebounded from a Week 1 case of ‘Garlic Fries’, to post his first 200+ of the year, continuing the DHD trend of a new hero every week.

What about the Strikes? (Freeze frame on bowling ball just about to hit the pins.) Will the Duke boys be able to learn a little something from the back to back losses? Will Boss Hogg have any artery issues? Will Daisy’s new music video for “Don’t you wish your girlfriend could bowl like me” be a hit or will the Yankee producers rip her off? Does Crazy Cooter know what a Cooter is in Southern parlance? Tune in next week for another episode of the Strikes of Hazzard!

B.E.E.R. 10 Three Livers 5

Remember the good old days, when the walls of Yankee Lanes echoed with the shouts of “HANK!”, and Three Livers brought the wild spirit of the North Woods to the league each night? Well, Bernie’s gone, and while the debonair Lukass is physically a close facsimile to him, his reserve is setting a very different tone for the back-to-back party champs.

The match with BEER was entertaining, as these two teams have a strong camaraderie, but it wasn’t the drunken free for all of years past. Wilma led her squad gamely, but apparently this year at least 3L can’t handle BEER.

BEER had two excellent rookie debuts, including a 145 from Slow Roll in her first ever game. Cooter Rae Tae showed up fashionably late but unveiled a natural hook, and the two joined the team seamlessly. Of course, Cheddar led them, again.

Binga’s Ringas 11 Off Constantly 4

Last week, I may have said something about Binga’s being fat and happy. Well, maybe that was a little premature (or just wrong). In a clash of the titans match, Binga’s delivered the highest three game score in league history and sent a strong message to Off Constantly: “we will not relinquish the Cup easily”, and “I wouldn’t hesitate to kill a man, that’s for sure”.

The pregame tension was through the roof for this one, a fact made even clearer by the strong contrast of having Madbotts and BEER next to them. Apparently, though, this was the “good” tension, as both teams delivered their best games. It was actually fun to watch them push each other. Oz had the highest score of the night with a 244, but the Jerk returned to 2009 form with three 200+ games (also, I believe, a league first). Valley Girl Jess posted a 189 in game one as well. Frankly, if these teams are on their A games, no one in the league can top them. For now, Binga’s looks locked into the #1 ranking, and it will be hard to take it from them. OC finished the night with a haunting a capella version of James Ingram’s Just Once: “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough, cause here we are right back where we were before…”

Pinups 14 Great Lost Spares 1

As he shed his warmups pregame, Big Ern bellowed “My 98’s booming with a Chunk-a funk! “ That’s right, Chunk’s back, and all the jealous punks can’t stop the dunk. The Pinups with Chunk are a whole different animal, and that ferocious beast was uncaged against the Great Lost Spares, who suffered their second straight mauling. Their giant carebear-esque mascot is not intimidating, though maybe if seen through a different light it is. See: http://undead-art.deviantart.com/art/Killer-Care-Bears-quot-DEATH-quot-41350414

Anyway, I don’t want to step on Spinella’s captain boots with any unsolicited advice.

In other news, Bulj renounced his Dutch citizenship and reclaimed the name Bulge.

Young and the Bowled 9 Wrecking Balls 6

Purple Haze no more, Wrecking Balls looked sharp in their baby blue, moisture wicking, form fitting duds. Unfortunately, the sharpness did not carry over to their game in the season opener for both teams. After an offseason that they claimed made the “balls heavy, ready and wise”, they ran into a team looking to make a statement.

New Captain Lou Dawg made a fashion statement with the vintage 1986 Celtic short-shorts, and his team showed that they are a different bunch from 2009. Like most teams looking to improve, they brought in a native Wisconsinite, and Pistol Pete delivered with a nice 463 series that he vows to improve upon. Trailing 6-4, Lou Dawg’s 186 and RR’s 156 helped launch a 5-0 comeback to clinch the game, after which they celebrated with a group triple lutz. Impressive.

Incredibowls 12 Pud’s Taxi 3

Incredibowls loves to play the “nobody believes in us” card, so I was interested to see what would happen when the pundits were on their side. Well, they delivered. After a creepy but unifying chant of the team mantra “I will not touch anyone else’s ball” they busted out the big scores. “Early to bed and early to rise makes us get strikes on every tries” they noted. Very interesting, and nice win.

As for Pud’s, they may have saved their best for the postgame. In fact, they were focused on postgame from the get go, calling non-postgamers “nerds, boy scouts and crunchy people”. Well, they performed best when it counted most, finishing as postgamers of the week (in a three way tie with B.E.E.R. (Karl Hungus)  and Splits Happen/Buxton Slingers (Audrey Rugburn/Xander Rolle)).

Saucy Posse 13.5 Happy Hands Prod 1.5

Sometimes SauPo is so unassuming you forget about them. So when they didn’t play in week one, it was easy to skip past them when talking about top teams. Well, in their unassuming way, they changed my assumptions. Walter roared into the 2010 season with a 199/212 to start, and N Sauce followed his lead as the Posse grabbed all five points in game one and never looked back. Now if they can shake that playoff monkey. Why can’t you do it, why can’t you set that monkey free?

Happy Hands has now experienced both the highs and lows of BoPo in just two weeks. “We like to go high and low, up and down, in and out – you know how we do” noted a coy but not so subtle Jasper L Pond. Then he went to bed.

Sweet Rolls 14 Madbotts 1

It’s true, Madbotts’ powers of distraction are creating bizarre results. First they play Three Livers, the league’s resident power-drinkers, and it turns into a sober event. Now they play the Sweet Rolls, who, no offense, have not been a league juggernaut (except for the love and sweetness juggernaut angle), and the Rolls come out looking like Binga’s, grabbing what I believe to be their first 14 point game. I can’t wait to see Madbotts vs. OC next week.

New Sweetie Hot Tamale paced the Rolls, earning high praise from his opponents, who said they would “do Hot Tamale for a Klondike bar”, after which he bolted toward the 7-11 on Forest. Not sure if it was related, but someone else on the Sweet Rolls said “Get Hot Tamale a helmet.” Yeah, it was quite the show.

Bowlderdash 10.5 The Who? 4.5

Michael Bowlton may have a honey voice, and gorgeous locks, but don’t overlook his bowling prowess as it may be his greatest talent. At least one could believe that after his stunning 212 on Tuesday night. That kind of raw power helped them overcome the shenanigans of The Who, who “bought us a pitcher, what a mind f*&k!” The Dashers also brought it at after party, which earned them a lot of points in my book, which is a cool book, but mattered less to them than the 10.5 points they got in the standings.

The Who? showed some talent, primarily in the art department, creating a mesmerizing 3-D bowling alley in the little box at the top of the answer page. Cool. The Ruckus led them in scoring, though I can’t speak to the scoring after the game when the team went out for “happy ending sundaes”.

TDYOB 8 Splits Happen/Buxton Slingers 7

No team in the history of BoPo has generated more talk before playing a game than the good folks of TDYOB. Of course, as they say, bowling talk is a tale told by a fool, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Coming off a week of being overcome by “the puke virus”, the Borkers picked up the tight win in a week without their Captain. So who then was bowling under the name Dr. Thunder? That was just a guy who had an honorary doctorate in bowling.

Splits Happen could have folded after being down 8-2, but an inspired speech from Izzy Moxy and Wilbur’s offer to “give up his bonus” in exchange for a comeback seemed to work, as a 5-0 third game win made the game close and gave them some positive momentum. Plus, they managed to find a way to play nine folks again. Impressive. After the comeback, they celebrated with a little something Audrey Rugburn referred to as a “Buxton slinger”, which apparently was so inspiring, it may become the team name, but then again that could just be the Buxton slingers talking.

Huevos Rancheros de Norte 11 C.B. O’Nutz 4

After hiring a coyote to usher them from Vassalboro to Portland, the Huevos didn’t want to waste all that effort with a bad game. They didn’t. El Barry continues to impress with a high series. How’s he doing it? He says “If it comes with batteries, I’m open to suggestions.” In the end this rivalry game ended up being not much of a game at all.

C.B. O’Nutz wasn’t happy with the results, and left the lanes without responding to interviewers.

I.C.B.I.N.G. 8.5 No Pins Intended 6.5

Sorry guys, Peanut Gutter pledged to write up the highlights for this one, so I gave him the interview notes and I haven’t heard from him, so I’ll assume it was just like watching paint dry. I did see that Fabio’s hair was perfect.

One thought on “Week 2: Back to the Future

  1. ICBING has got to put the writeup through their propaganda machine a few times til it comes out distorted enough for the public.
    p.s. Is Peanut Gutter ALWAYS aiming for that 4th point in the lineup, or is he just feigning no bowling skills? Could the Lewiston guru really disown his fledgling protege this early?

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