So, this is a tough stretch timewise right now, so I am going with another digest format. I have two writeups, submitted by captains in those games. For next week, I’m looking for a volunteer from each game to do those writeups. We’ll call it “Voice of the People” week. For now, two guest recaps and a digest.
The Who? showed up in their flashy skirts and dancing shoes and TDYOB showed up having lost a tough one the prior week to their arch-rival, reminding themselves that there are a bevy of similarities between Bowl Portland and Portland Ultimate (mainly games are played to 15). The 15-0 victory is a tad misleading as Rinni and the Ruckus brought it for The Who? in game one just narrowly being defeated by Dr. Thunder and Roy Munson. In the pivotal game 2 the good Dr. stepped outside for a safety meeting and “tips on rolling” session with Luke and Uncle Jesse from Strikes and Barry from Huevos. Uncle Jesse admitted he didn’t know if his ball was a hooker or a straight ball. Roy Munson cashed in his Trojan Condom money and retired his rubber hand to his trophy case next to his grade school hockey and soccer trophies. With Roy-boy’s new hand he went large with a 182, out-dueling Felty, leader for The Who? at 146. By game three, The Who? and TDYOB were involved in a dance off and drinking contest, with GVO and Ichy coming out on top. Meanwhile, the Borkers closed out the 15-0 win. Before the game Dr. Thunder asked The Who? if they were excited that their namesakes were playing the half-time show at the Super Bowl to which they responded, “We didn’t know that, we are not football fans, the name actually was decided on like ‘who just beat us’ but that isn’t really working out for us.” That said, as a new squad to the league they are getting better every week and certainly are one of the most enjoyable squads in the league to roll against. As for TDYOB, they were excited to jump ahead of their frisbee rivals Strikes and ICBING in the standings with the 15-0 win, but they sense that the tough part of their schedule is coming up, starting next week with the Eggman; like the Stranger says, “Sometimes you eat the bar and well sometimes the bar eats you.”
Incredibowls 10 Three Fingered Willies 5 – Submitted by Dirk McLucky
The 3FW were short-handed tonight with the loss of Schizo to the DL for the season, P-Dubs at home taking care of Schizo, Foxy McLucky at 35,000 feet somewhere between Denver and Boston, and Sweets McCoy visiting the family down in Nawth Caholihna. With 4 Willies out, I had to go to the bullpen and bring in the righty. Emergency sub Jailbait came in and performed admirably under pressure. Alas, we were no match for Incredibowls who swept us in the first 2 games to sprint out to an impressive 10-0 lead with their Game 2 featuring a 600+ team score and Boston’s first ever 200+ game. In Game 3 however, the Willies dug deep, vowed to avoid the shut-out in honor of our fallen comrade, and rallied for a 5-0 win. We lost the match, but we were a good bet for the savvy gamblers who took 3FW and the points.
We’re starting to get some stratification in season 3. Noone is surprised to see Binga’s at the top, and Off Constantly nipping at their heels. There’s no question they are the two title favorites, and everyone else is looking to be a distant 3rd. That said, if everything broke right on playoff night, there are a few teams that could somehow sneak through. Look no further than Binga’s 9.5 – 5.5 chugging of B.E.E.R. Nothing was going right for Binga’s, other than the normal Jerk outings. Facing a 5-5 tie against an excited challenger, however, Binga’s was rescued by a magical performance from newcomer Chernobyl Lane. After her opening game 109, Lane rolled a nuclear 191 to lead the team. If she had rolled a 109 again, BEER would have won. I pity Binga’s next opponent, as they will likely get a more focused Champ. The Urban Achievers had one shot earlier this year and got the OC brushoff, but they continue to steamroll the rest of the league looking for another crack at the top. Tuesday Urban Achievers tore apart Splits Happen 13-2, which actually was a slight moral victory for Izzy. They were 13 point underdogs. People who had gathered to watch rookie sensation La Gatita were disappointed by her absence. She has become quite the draw. Strikes of Hazzard smoked ICBING 9-6 in a safety match. The Duke boys are continuing to prove that one game can change everything. The Strikes were an afterthought before Uncle Jesse smacked his 258. Now they are five steps ahead of John Law. This week they even welcomed back a motivated Mabel Tillingham, who stole the show. Let’s hope it’s not just a guest episode. ICBING rebounded late, when Fabio and Sweet ‘n Creamy both broke through the 200 barrier, but were left dazed and confused as another team passed them in the rankings. You know who really looked good? The Gutterballs pounded Pud’s 13-2 in impressive fashion. They got some big scores from Daddy TL and Rusty Nail, and some great vibes from Hildo. Pud’s bit the Bullett, who found it a surprising turn-on. Maybe that’s why Dink went home without his shirt. Huevos laid a 13-2 loss on Bowlderdash. Bubbles buried the pins, but Barry’s bubble burst (though he’s still in the top 5.) Next week we unleash the Muskrat on your helpless selves, and trust me, you will buy what he’s selling. As for Bowlderdash, they are one of the last teams to get a week off, and may be showing the wear and tear of nonstop bowling (though they continue to look stunning in their sage/off white Keglers, form fitted and sweat wicking). Young and the Bowled had an 11-4 coming of age against Happy Hands. Happy Hands tried to go NC-17, and have been ‘practicing’, I’ve seen it personally. Jules Calderwood broke into the Top 20…Jules, it’s time for your closeup! (Jasper knew this would happen when you guys got into this line of business, so he’s got nothing to complain about). The Young’uns aren’t as innocent as you’d expect, and had some oats of their own to sew. The big win gave the YB’s a funky good time, and a one point lead over the OC boys in the division. Interesting, no? The Sweet Rolls licked the Wrecking Balls 12-3, staying close enough to first to taste it. The dynamic duo of Frenchie and Hot Tamale, or “The French Tamale“, led the way, and the Rolls keep rising. The Wrecking Balls have crashed hard into last place, and are having a hard time getting the momentum going the other way. They did play shorthanded, and showed improvement, but they’ll have to dig their way out of this hole one shovel full at a time. The Dirty Half Dozen cleaned up 8.5 to 6.5 over C.B. O’Nutz. Nothing is coming easy this year for the two time runners up, but a determined Pirate at the tiller has kept them on a steady course. Riggs has come back closer to form, maybe because Baby Riggs said her first word, and it was “strike”. That’s tough to mouth, and an impressive baby. She’ll be tough to catch in the inaugural “BowlPortland Baby of the Year” award category. The Nutz are just hanging around in the middle of things, but have yet to explode on the scene. Team Owner Deez Nutz is contemplating more tamari. Livin’ on a Spare plastered UREA! 14 -1 down on the end of the alley. The game was really the uplifting story about a bowler who overcame great hardships, and Precious completed the script with a 213 to lead the way. UREA! is stuck with their top dog T-$ rolling lefty. They have had the same four people for every game, so are gaining a certain cohesion, but this time they were punching a little over their weight class. The Pinups squeaked one out over the Saucy Posse, 8-7. Kaiser Awesome is stepping up big and trying to make fans forget about the Oft-Injured Chunk. Big Ern led his team to the bar for an exciting celebration of shots and standing over the heater grate. SauPo continues to tantalize but ultimately disappoint, much like that cigarette that thankfully Walter has continued to avoid. Finally, No Pins Intended shutout the Lesbowlians 15-0, but the Lesbowlians held their own at the postgame hosted by their opponents. Tilt-A-Whirl edged up to 3rd in the standing, and Wut What apparently knows “you want [him]”, and also that “[he] wants you.”