Welcome back to the show, BoPo! Let’s kick season 5 off right. Quick note to those of you asking for league rate and saying you are simply “in that Tuesday or Thursday league”, if you don’t know you better ask some one. You’re in BowlPortland now.
Game of the Night
#3 Walkaways (-3) vs. #6 Bingas: Last year the Walkaways collapsed in the semis under the tremendous pressure built by their off-season moves. This year, their team looks stronger but is flying under the radar. Their newest addition Valley Girl Jess, formerly of Bingas, makes her debut in this matchup against her Bingas boy toy, General Tso. For Bingas, Jamaican Jerk is attempting to revive this once dominant franchise. This is their second year together for the current line up including old stars Cookie and Chernobyl Lane. This is a classic matchup between old and new, of two teams with legitimate championship hopes.
#2 Off Constantly (-7) vs. #11 Turkey Club: The defending champs weren’t too happy about entering the new season ranked number two. They look to take their frustrations out on Bo-Po newcomer Turkey Club. Obsessed with domination and leaving nothing to chance, OC team ace Oz cancelled his carribran cruise to face the new upstarts. Turkey Club’s Port Sport league championships don’t mean much to BoPo veterans, but gives this team some confidence headed into their inaugural game. Captain Roadhouse held his own at the Captains party and Tango was on the winning team for the holiday hat tournament. If their smack talk is any indication, they are not intimidated by the real champs.
#9 Saucy Posse (-3) vs I.B.S.: The difficulty with a lot of these lines is not having seen these teams or players since last year, and in many cases not knowing even who is back. That is not a problem with the Saucy Posse, an Original 8 team that has stayed together. Walter is their unquestioned ace, but little bro’ Hot Sauce looks to make the leap and join him this year. N Sauce is back from a year off and the team is coming off some playoff success. I.B.S. is a mystery. Last year they added Killer B late and made a run to the quarterfinals. Is he back? How’s Oolie, who has been MIA? They could surprise me here if the whole crew is reunited.
#19 Strikes of Hazzard (-5) vs Three Livers: If the 80’s character Uncle Jesse had joined forces with the 80’s character Benson, studio execs would have stumbled upon the unlikeliest buddy comedy ever. We”ll soon find out the results of their combining in the world of BoPo as the Strikes welcome their new free agent. Speaking of buddies, this matchup is sure to be as cordial as a family picnic as these two teams seem to really love each other. Lots of folks love the Original 8 Three Livers, but they are looking for a little success to go with all that love. Bernie and Pearl’s new baby bowler may be the inspiration they need.
D-GUTS (-1) vs Incredibowls: This is a battle usually fought in the media league, but now it spills over to BoPo. Channel 13s’ Boston and WJAB’s Captain Collection constantly look to one up each other, and Tuesday night Bayside Bowl is just the latest venue. Boston won their last duel, but Capt. Collection may have his team more focused. Can he adjust to the lanes in time?
#16 No-Eye-Deer (-3) vs Splits Happen: Breaking news. The Gutterballs have disappeared overnight, leaving me in the lurch in terms of finding a new team in two days, but giving Splits Happen an extra gun in the displaced Wedgehead. We’ll find out who else Xander has pulled together to this ever changing squad on Tuesday night. No-Eye-Deer just needs to get their wins when they can with this year’s more challenging schedule. This may be one of those games for Shifter Pawl and crew.
#13 Pinny Candy (-5) vs Bowlderdash: Skittles of Pinny Candy may practice more consistently than anyone in the league. It’s paid off with a couple of 200+ games and Bowler of the Week honors. Now there are rumors that she has brought in a couple out of town political ringers to push her team to the next level. I’m buying the hype, and picking them to win. Bowlderdash is quietly back for another run, and are capable of the occasional surprise. This would be a big notch in their lipstick case if they could bag this game.
#5 Still LOS (-3) vs. #8 Nutz: No bowler is hotter right now than Double Cheese. He was playoff MVP in the draft league and arguably the top bowler on his holiday hat tourney championship team. His recent successes give hope to an LOS team that always had the talent but never the mojo. They begin the season with their traditional grudge match vs. Busta’s Nutz team. The Nutz proved last year that have ability to clash with league titans. Now they have to hope they don’t turn to stone in this Sparedown.
#1 The Steves/Back in Black (-5) vs. #7 Cunning Linguists: The Steves have been the champions of the off season but now put ball to wood for the first time. Their is no doubt they are loaded with talent, but there are definitely questions about what the new team’s chemistry will be. Their first test will come against a team that many consider to be a dark horse finals contender. Col. Angus beat the bushes for new players and came up with roses. He swiped la Gatita from the Walkaways, coaxed Polly Ringwald out of retirement, and wooed Windeisal into joining the shambles of Shambles. Combined with holdover Gutter Slut, they form a potent lineup, but it won’t be enough to lick the Steves.
#20 My Balls (-3) vs. Pinups: Balls captain Bubbles may be birthing a baby bowler on opening with her beloved Barry bedside. Should that happen the only Balls players confirmed are Big Red and Rambler. That they are favored by three with such an uncertain lineup is a reflection on the Pinups recent struggles. Big Ern is back to captain the Pinups for a fifth straight year, but the consistency of leadership has not led to results on the lanes. Maybe this is the year Big Ern puts himself in the game and the Pinups change their fate.
#4 B.E.E.R. (-5) vs #12 Young and Bowled: Body English Endorsed by Rivalries lost their endorsement after season three but kept the B.E.E.R. moniker. They may show off the Body English more this year, but in a nod to the past bring back Pin Whisperer as an occasional bowling guru. They lost Coco Lopez to a scheduling injury, but Slow Roll is back and TR and Bishop have produced Q-Man for depth. Y&B seemed to be peaking for a big playoff run last year, but were last seen collapsing under the weight of that pressure. The Truth disappeared and hasn’t been seen since, but word on the street is he will be back. Pistol Pete is working with a gruesome Franken-finger. Lou Dawg has taken over Bayside Tuesday night managing duties, so he won’t be around for motivation. Senator ITZ and RR have their own baby bowler to battle against Q-Man, but it’s unlikely to come down to that match up.