Body English – Tuesday A: Captain – Karl Hungus
(written by Filthy McNasty)
When Hungus started up BoPo in 2008, Team B.E.E.R. (original acronym being Body English Endorsed by Rivalries) was one of 12 squads in the upstart league at Yankee Lanes. 6 of 7 original members were Maine Law grads or spouses of. BEER has had some roster changes over the years but still boasts 5 players (Hungus, Slow Roll, Queen Bee, Hacksaw & Filthy) from the 2010 Championship team (Plus a 6th in Natro who is a vet of the Yankee era). The game 3 galactic finale of that title match has been referenced in other write-ups, but what is less known is that the 2010 championship is the only one in BoPo history to end in a major upset, with Bingas undefeated streak being snapped at 2 seasons. If you joined the league after it found a home in Bayside , it may be unfathomable that once upon a time we were a BoPo darling.
This seasons roster will not only look a little bit different from last year, but will take new shape from week to week as the season rolls along. With upcoming obstacles including but not limited to childbearing, school, a honeymoon, work-travel, island living, and BEER-Foot, attendance increasingly became more and more of a concern. Miraculously we were able to score the ultimate free agent over the summer in Brandy. She needs no introduction, but to land a defending draft league champion and captain, as well as cool ass teammate with elite bowling talents is a huge score. Beer was not done, however. In what is becoming an annual tradition, Steve McQueens spot was filled by another military guy in Tommy Gunzzzz, who also figures to be a part-time bowler, regular and post-season. He will bring a calm intensity and gives us another player to chase top point in an ever improving and talent-loaded field.
Karl Hungus, Tom “Hacksaw” Richards, Filthy McNasty, Queen Bee, Slow Roll, Natro, Brandy and Tommy Gunzzz is a combo that you will have fun rolling against, but would like to avoid in the tourney. With nearly 50 years of cumulative BoPo experience, three titles appearances, one banner, one losing record and countless blackouts on our resume, you never know exactly what to expect from this team. In the history of the league we have never gone more than two consecutive seasons without a finals appearance, so we always have hope on our side right along with wild inconsistency. Could this be a year we find a spark and go on a magical run? Who knows, but if we can keep the positive pre-season team vibe rolling then we cant really go wrong.
Cape Fear – Tuesday A: Captain – Night Nurse
Cape Fear was founded in 2011 by Hot Pocket, who left the team in 2013 when we failed to live up to his expectations. He fancied himself a champion and left to find himself a team worthy of a trophy (how’s that working out for you buddy…? Yeah, us neither.). E-minor also left for greener pastures, mumbling something about us “crushing his positive vibe” and being “too curmudgeonly” for his taste. In 2014 we lost Minga and Burt, two mediocre bowlers but frequent “round of shots on my tab” buyers, to fatherhood. We now enforce a strict abstinence only policy for all team members.
The 2016 Lineup:
*Night Nurse seems poised to have her best season yet. I personally saw her bowl 4 games during the off season, which is at least double that of any previous year. Watch out BoPo!
*The bowler formerly known as Brentanimo is transitioning to Big PinPin. I feel confident that an identity change will bring him at least as much success as it brought Caitlin Jenner. Bowler of the year…?
*Despite his passionate distaste for the music selection (see January 2015 smackboard), Soccer Dad agreed to come back this season, provided they approve the use of a Discman during league play. Fun fact: Soccer Dad has two dogs and a cat. We think it would be great if he’d actually get a turkey someday soon, too.
*South Paw has spent the off season working on his shoulder strength, in the hopes that he can carry the team even further in the playoffs this year.
*Pip has been busy working on her new app, PINder, which should allow her to date her way through the alley more efficiently this season.
*2016 has blessed us with the addition of North Paw, bred from the same lineage as South Paw and questionably ready for his inaugural BoPo season. We anticipate that he will live up to the drinking standards, and possibly even the bowling standards, set by his brother last year.
Cape Fear is now coming off two solid rebuilding years and planning to come out of the gate hot in 2016. We are also excited to announce that will be unveiling new team uniforms this year. We heard that that “team spirit” thing can be kind of fun once in a while and decided we’d give it a try. Come have a drink with us – contrary to popular belief, we don’t bite.
I.C.B.I.N.G. – Tuesday B: Captain – Peanut Gutter
Grab your iPod and get ready to be introduced to the 2016 I Can’t Believe it’s Not Gutter drinking, I mean bowling team!
No, this is not your typical Jock Jam introduction. That’s for meatheads, this is for a team that consistently runs up huge bar tabs, buys pitchers of kamikazees and bets against their own teammates.
Que up: Punch You in the Eye by Phish
Peanut Gutter. This guy has at least 7 balls and doesn’t know how to use any of them. You should ask his teammates about his high game in BoPo. No way this guy is remembering it, Peanut Gutter was under the weather, as he ended up drinking too many shots. His drink of choice, the Rusty Nail
Que up: Here Comes Your Man by the Pixies
2 Dogs Fucking. Don’t let the name fool you. He is the kindest douchebag you will ever meet. He may drop his balls in different spots on the lane, but the end result is always the same. It’s always a treat to see him break out his dance moves. The Cabbage Patch dance will never be the same. His drink of choice, Red Breast 15 year.
Que up: We Will Rock You by Queen
Gutterball Turkey. I dare you to high five this guy with your bowling hand. He WILL rock you!! His drink of choice, anything he is not paying for!
Que up: Get Lucky by Daft Punk
Fabio. Yeah, he’s the guy with the golden locks and the magnificent chest. A two finger roller that loves Jagermeister and is still trying to figure out who buys him these shots! His drink of choice, you guessed it, Jagermeister
Que up: Sabatoge by the Beastie Boys
Clarified Gutter. She can tell the time just by looking at her watch. But what she can’t figure out is if it’s the AM or PM. Her drink of choice, a nice bold red wine
Que up: I’m too Sexy by Right Said Fred
Rocky BalBowlah. When he is on the hard he is on the team. This guy loves the brownwater, guns and “mericuh!! He will throw the 12 pound ball about 20 MPH and only knock down 3 pins. His drink of choice, Jack Daniels
Que up: Thunderstruck by AC/DC
Dick Gutter. The newest addition to the team. The secret to her tasty treats will never be disclosed, but we are sure once you try them, you won’t care whats in them. You have to watch out for her because she signed on the dotted line when we said that vipers and salmons were part of the nightly shenanigans. Her drink of choice, a Canton Royale.
When you play us, bring your dollar bills and join in on the betting. We usually bet on the second ball, do they pick the spare up or not. It’s always fun and we love the looks we get from the person we are betting on!!
We can’t wait for the first mechanical break down. Greg! Greg! Greg!
And for the tailgating and all of the other shenanigans to happen during the PBA weekend.
From the chanting of Charles, Charles, Charles
to holding up signs that say “Pete Weber wears Velcro bowling shoes” and “Randy Pedersen still uses a flip phone”
See you on the lanes……..