Oakie is back in action. Pats trolling lines almost worked, but if Oakie learned anything there it is never say it is over until it is over. Holy shit! Also Atlanta grow a pair or two you pissed drunk cocked choking losers. I hope you never recover from that one. Like ever. Somebody give these guys the Heimlich maneuver. They pulled a Sharks and Strikes to point out a recent team in our league that blew a big lead.
Oakie is hearing some folks bailing due to snow, shame, shame, here are the lines anyway.
Tuesday did bring the party this week. And honestly this who partied who didn’t shit is kind of played out. That said it is Thursday, ain’t no party like a Thursday party cuz a Tuesday party ain’t shit!!!!!!! Here are Sparkles, Tango, and Deputy partying after a Tuesday match:
Tats and Tits and Linguists get the short end of the stick this week and end up with a bye. Man bye weeks blow in BoPo. Here is Rubbys when he found out it was a bye week:
LOS (3-1) -5 versus 5 Finger Discount: Prepare to be crushed. Former LOSer Natro gets a shot at his former team on his new night. The Twin Towers plan to makes this anything other than pleasant for him. Since it is also a reunion for Alley, Coco, Precious and Shithawk, maybe they will let Shithawk bowl a game? Unlikely. 5 Finger has had a nice start for an expansion squad but the only thing that they are going to get expanded in this match is their loss column. LOS rolls angry in this one. Check out that wild man Stiffy’s two best pals listening to their psych up music pre-match:
Holy shit Oakie has a lot of time on her/his hands. Hermaphrodite milk it always goes down smooth.
Guacabowle (3-1) versus Touch My Excite (3-2): This is going to be a close match. Mitch Cumstein has been a powerhouse for the Guac crew. Gutterslut, Viking, and La Ga are the next three highest average bowlers in the match. Guac has the team average advantage; therefore, this match should go right down to the wire. Quick plug For Dick W’s and Mitch’s new joint Howie’s Pub; Oakie and some of his crew pre-gamed there before Pardon Me Doug last Friday night. Got a booth crushed some drinks played some tunes off the jukebox (that’s right Wedgehead they have a jukebox I know you are reading this mother fucker) played some Hobostank, had a few laughs, a few Captain and Cokes, a few beers. Good times. Use the backdoor, we came in the front door and looked like total newbies. Here is Mitch and Dick running trivia night at Howie’s last night:
UREA! (2-3) -2 vs Leisure Rolls (3-2): I know, double take, what?!?!?! Yeah UREA! has a 646 team average, although I am not sure that is right; whatever Leisure Rolls are on life support. Deadliest Gatch, only thing deadly about this guy is that awful name change. What the hell was he thinking? He has a new name, no practice, 130 average, and terrible Friday mornings. Magic seems to have lost his magic like a lot of other guys on this squad. Only bowler you can count on is Shooter. I mean can you really count on her? She is either rolling strike after strike or doing jello shots at the bar and biting heads off of bats. There is no in between. UREA! needed all 5 game three last week and pounded at a 706. I don’t care who you are that is a big league score. Unfortunately they only got 4 powered by C-Murda’s 225. UREA! is on the rise! Here is a Leisure Rolls reunion in 2050:
DHD (4-0) -15 versus Party Mix (1-3): Party Mix is Oakie’s favorite expansion team thus far in 2017 despite Big Fucking Party trying to take liberties with Oakie’s significant other last Thursday; clearly a Trump guy. Dude did not fall off the wagon he fucking flew off that shit like Superman. Deputy wants everyone to call Marshall Kent Superman, okay everyone we gonna chant Superman on 3! Well Deputy will at least. Big Fucking Party took January off the sauce and it showed. Stay in your lane bro. Love it! Black Morris had a break out Fall League and now is rolling like all of BUI, which is not good. Kid doesn’t know if he is a two or one handed bowler, classic Shifter move. Oakie always uses two hands. On the other side DHD is taking the league by storm this year. I haven’t seen G-Force yet but 8 games 192.4 means you do not suck. This is going to be a blood bath; good thing is Big Party won’t have any clue what the final score is. Bayside Staff watch this guy he is a big candidate to lead the league in walked out on tabs this year.
Pinny Candy (1-4) -5 vs Pud’s Taxi (2-2): Pinny Candy is in prime position here to grab their second win of the season. They have a significant pin advantage, but like they say in the NFL Any Given Thursday. Bow wow wow yippe yo yippe a doggy dogs in the mother fucking house. Ain’t no way Pud’s Taxi going take that line lying down. Bullet and crew will be ready and they do have secret weapon Severe Underbite who has 3 games a 125.7 average and 3 200s. Hexy get your shit together with the stats. Reporters like Oakie count on you to do your job so that I can do mine. Sorry for getting hot there. Here is Sharkey and Pinny Candy talking after the match. Sharkey didn’t see that coming.
ICBING (4-1) -3 vs Bowlderdash (3-2): ICBING suffered a crushing defeat last week at the hands of the Bad News Spares, might be BNS first win in the last 5 years. Despite the pin advantage for Bowlderdash I think Fabio, Peanut Gutter, Two Dogs Fucking, Rocky, Bread and Gutter, Clarified, the whole freaking crew steps up crushes pitchers of urine, bile, and kamikazes gets Big Ern and crew piss drunk cocked and roll to victory. Here is Peanut Gutter before and after Clarified Gutter:
Gator don’t play no shit!!!!!!
TDYOB (3-2) -3 vs GOB (2-2):
Well what do we have here??? Here comes Thunder (no shirt), Farmer (referee outfit) and Munson (top hat) to the lanes:
This should be a party to behold. Only person that got more sideways than Big Fucking Party last Thursday was Purple Nurple, probably the last time he is allowed at the lanes alone. The guy publically apologized on Facebook the next morning for walking out on a tab that he paid. #blackoutmuch? Seatown is missing the match so Seachellez has all three. TDYOB also have no Sneaky so it is Spooky going all three as those ladies battle it out all night. This line comes down to Space Farmer. All Star Space Farmer, this guy is tied for the Thursday league lead with 5 200s. Thunder as bad as the guy has been has the second highest average in this match thus the line. However, if Hand is going to show up and hit it heavy against anyone it will be his safety meeting crew homeboys from TDYOB. This match is sure to disappoint on the scorecard but not in the party rankings. We also found this footage of Sneaky Pete meeting Dr. Thunder:
Y&BII (5-0) -11 vs Bowled and Beautiful (0-5): B&B may be the only win-less team in the league, certainly only one on Thursday. Surprised they haven’t put a hit out on good ole Oakie yet but have to give credit where credit is due they have gone from a 500 average to 531 in two weeks so progress is being made. Well progress won’t mean much in this match as YB2 is on their way to ruining the podcast and a 12-0 record. A tradeoff I think all of us would take. Crackerjack has one of the top averages in the entire league, as usual; just ask him, he will tell you. Apparently he has a PBA card too? No clue, I have yet to see him on TV, but I have seen Hungus, Tso, Jerk, Filthy, Slow Roll, Chernobes, among others on TV at a PBA event. Glossy is (bottle of red just killed) starting to get his bearings on the lanes and on the reigns of the podcast. At 0-6 B&B can punch their ticket to the Sunday Shootout so maybe like the Atlanta Falcons they will #RiseUp.
Here is the B&B crew after the match:
BUI (1-3) -1 vs Lion’s Den (2-3): These guys have actually been using the smack board to shit talk each other this week. That hasn’t happened since Wedgehead and one other gutless anonymous troll who also didn’t have the cojones to use their real handle ruthlessly kicked the ever living shit out of Thunder during fall league. That was great! Snapshot let on Tuesday night that he feels the crew is finding their shot. Rick Vaughn rocked a 224 last week to welcome himself back to the 150s. Mokkiki talks more shit than any current or past 135 guy in the history of the league. G Unit and Duke T completely forgot how to bowl. This is going to be a battle of fruition, in the end whoever wants it the least will lose. Both these teams could use a little of this:
Oakie would love for someone that rolls in Tuesday B to pick up Thursday B lines. Oakie is a recent pickup in Thursday A and haven’t had much interaction save draft league and one long time B stalwart with the B side. Let’s be honest we are all B. Tuesday A save a few exceptions those top teams are A. Great thing is a lot of those teams keep to this league’s roots; a bunch of like minded folks getting together one night in a week to shake off the winter blues, get loose, and have a ripping good time. Most teams in this league are here to have a good time throw it at the pins and hope for luck. Powerhouse teams in this league are here for the same reason; they just add a little, to, a lot more skill to it. I love this league! Oakie over and out.
Happy Hands (4-0) -10 vs Granola Bowlahs (2-2): The Granola’s jettisoned Colucci Kid and his Beautiful Mind and are now aptly led by Kid Loose. Happy Hands has been dominating fools, hopefully they get Mookie Oak back this week who is off to a hot start. I see the hands crew winning this one pretty handedly (see what Oakie did there?) in two. Let’s see of they will be able to keep their hands to themselves.
Fuckin Chuckits (2-3) -10 vs Bad News Spares (1-4): The BNS coming off a huge win over ICBING and have to be riding high. There is a family connect to this one with Ram Rod he of the lowest average in the league to mark a 200 which ain’t too shabby, and La Striking Senorita, so potential side bets on that one. Oolie is once again showing All Star form (for Thursday anyway) and has been taking lessons from Master Splinter. Guy doesn’t have time to write B lines but can take bowling lessons, yeah super busy. Here is Oolie at a recent lesson:
Lesbowlians (3-2) -1 vs Roll Another (2-3): Long time rivals lock horns in this one. Roll Another seems to have gotten their shit together finally holding on to a win. Lesbowlians are off to a hot start and have a bit of pin advantage in this one. Going with the ladies to rock out in this one and take home the victory.