The Return of Oakie!
Again, as always, if you like to laugh click on the links then after viewing hit the back button. Only if you like to laugh if you don’t, do not click because there are a lot of laughs in those links.
Oakie is back with a vengeance after a two week hiatus. Thanks to Cupid for holding down the fort while Oakie was away. Much obliged. Cupid is most likely trying to rip one off in his own face after telling himself how great his lines were despite not getting the links to work the last couple of weeks. Fucking amateurs! Here is cupid after writing lines the last two weeks:
Bye week, we got Roll Another. Bones is hoping he doesn’t have to roll another bowling ball all year. Uncle Buck will be rolling another in the Landry Construction Port o Let tomorrow listening to a little Cypress Hill bring in the Fed DT we dare ya:
UREA! is also on a bye. C-Murda is having a breakout season filling in for the much missed Automatic (get well my friend). Here is C-Murda during the bye week:
Early blows, but here it is:
TouchMyXcite (5-3) -10 vs BUI (1-6): Who would have imagined a line this big before the season started? DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ NUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!! No, but really, who? I mean Oakie is with Cupid it is time to finally just accept the fuck that this isn’t BUI’s year and they suck. On the other hand TMX has fought back from a tough up and down start. Wait did Oakie see on Facebook that Viking and Viqueen are in Florida. Wow if that is the case Oakie favors TMX (-7) instead. BUI spends more time in the gutter than David Hasselhoff:
TMX wins and then Gutterslut grabs the mic and belts this out:
GOB (3-4) -1 vs LOS (4-2): Wow, LOS went down to once winless now two game winning streak Bowled and the Beautiful. Man Oakie used to kill those guys, now they are my odds on favorite to win it all. Back to this match; I think this is the week that both Cheese and Precious miss the game which usually spells for LOS, you are fucked. That would make it Stiffy, Shitneck, Alley and Nugget or Candi Dix going against the school of hard knocks. Not to be confused with Hard Knox. Nurple, Hand, Town and the rest of the crew gonna rise up and defeat the Empire once and all. Early match for LOS, what a surprise, which could hurt GOB this, is footage of Cheese, Stiffy, and Precious when LOS finally breaks up:
Bonus clip Cheese and Precious after yet another 2 v 2 finals loss:
Five Fingers (-1) 2-4 vs Tats and Tits (2-5): When Oakie was getting ready to do these lines I was surprised to see they are in A. That said all of Thursday is JV so what does it matter. Speaking of JV Rubbys spent for years on the JV Underwater Basket Weaving team in High School. Here is a quick clip of Rubbys competing in HS:
Riveting. Natro has decided not to practice this year and it shows. Fortunately not practicing hasn’t affected his better half and Coco is back with a vengeance, it is like she never took the last what, 4 years off? At any rate this one is sure to go back and forth and they will have a blast unless Natro is killing the vibe which is a 50/50 proposition. Here is a shot of Natro killing the vibe:
FC Chuckits (2-5) -1 vs Granola (2-4): Oolie has been down on his crew. He said, “LouDawg still thinks he is a two-handed bowler. What the fuck is that guy thinking? The Ram Brothers can’t be trusted to do anything well but party and get loose and make sure everyone has a great time. Which I love but it doesn’t help our scores. Don’t get me started on the ladies bro. And good ol Oolie is out there taking lessons giving up my free time for the team in the name of winning. And for what?!?!? Where is the fucking commitment??!?!?!” Jesus, even Oakie thinks that guy needs to chill out. It is Bowl Portland kid throw them at the pins, shake your ass, hope for luck and call it a good night. Also don’t quote me on that quote. Granola shows up game, but in the end FC guts out a win after LouDawg gives this pre-game speech:
The Ram bros bring the heat after that speech and Kid Loose, Kebal Striker, Kid Caboose and crew will be trying to get off the ropes all night after LouDawg goes full LouDawg. Here is Lou during March Madness:
Oakie feels awesome every fucking Thursday night too. Get loose get in the caboose and then get loose again.
DHD (7-0) -15 vs Pud’s Taxi (2-4): Puds one word (maybe it is two I am an acorn what the fuck do I know?) pregame. Pregame the ever living hell out of this one. Show loose as hell and look to party hard because you are going into a freaking bloodbath. This is you guys after the game if you show up all grumpy and looking to throw down:
DHD has been nothing less than a revelation this year. Word on the street is they are starting to read their own press clippings. Here is Doc Moose and G Force leaving the lanes after moving to 7-0:
We don’t take no shit. That’s right we bad, we bad.
Happy Hands -10 (5-1) vs ICBING (4-3): ICBING has become a little like Icarus it appears they may have flown to close to the sun; if there is such a thing. Not to be confused with the Son of God, and proud we are of all of them. Here is how Fabio and 2 Dogs Fucking met:
Happy Hands isn’t showing up tomorrow night to have pitchers of disgusting piss. They are showing up to kick the ever living shit out of ICBING and they won’t be happy until they do. Sasha runs a tight ship and they aren’t going to lose to the drunk bus. That said sign Oakie up for the drunk bus, all aboard!!!
Looks like Shifter is driving trains now:
Late (Thank God Oakie loves late more than milk, and that is saying a lot!):
YB2 -5 (8-0) vs TDYOB (4-3): Sounds like this snoozefest is destined for the Party Pit. I’ve got $100 says the party pit falls asleep. Thunder is rolling like dog shit people are saying it is due to the loss of 2 v 2 teammate Dick Liquor.
Here is a video of Thunder (Charlie Murphy) Munson (Eddie Murphy) Farmer the portly bald guy that walks into the club behind Thunder wearing denim on denim with a belt buckle the size of Texas. Dick is Rick James:
Rough run from the crew from Bork. They gave up Giant Killer B&B’s first win and then had a bye. Here is Thunder hanging at the wave table after the early loss to B&B with Farmer, Ginger Ninja, Spooky and Sparkles:
The show must go on. YB2 has former TDYOBers in Senator never In The Zone and Pistol where’s my ball-bag Pete, so this is a grudge match. You know Glossy and Crackerjack don’t want to loss to these hacks. Munson and Farmer will help TDYOB score but in the end Thunder leaves too many beer frames on the table, as usual, and they lose.
Guacabowle -4 (5-2) vs Leisure Rolls (5-3): Congrats to newly wedded member of the Rolls, Deadliest Gatch. Sounds like a shotgun wedding to Oakie. #artificialinsemination. Mitch Cumstein has been a God damn house on fire for the Guac crew this year. LRs have start putting up scores, but I think they get over powered tonight. Here is Knox and Magic drowning their sorrows after the game:
Bowled and the Beautiful (2-6) -1 vs Lion’s Den (3-4): Don’t call it a comeback! Since Beaujolais got called out by Cupid for having a nice smile these cats are on a two game winning streak knocking off TDYOB and then perennial contender LOS. Excellent win for B&B. Saw is started to heat up and I think they keep that going tonight. Rick Vaughn and crew can barely keep it on the lane so I don’t see them taking down the red hot B&B crew. Although Mokkiki finally made it into the 140s all that practice is paying off. Here is Mokkiki after yet another split:
Lesbowlians (6-2) -15 vs Bad News Spares (1-5): Lesbowlians is once again a B side powerhouse making a B title run. Their ladies smash pins and get down. Bad News Spares ladies don’t smash as many pins and get down. Lesbowlians won’t have much trouble in this one. Show up lace em up and take the win. BNS still reveling in the victory over ICBING which is one more than they thought they would most likely get all year. Not much drama here I envision it going down like this:
Pinny Candy (2-4) -1 vs Bowlderdash (4-3): Despite the better record B dash has the lower pin count. Late game which Pay Day hates so he takes out that red hot white hate on the pins tonight and powers his squad over Bowlton and crew for the victory. Man someone put these guys in the pit this will be a rager:
Party Mix (3-4) -5 vs Cunning Linguists (2-5): CL is a shell of it former self in a rebuilding year. Angus can still bring the heat on the high five so watch the fuck out. Early returns for Party Mix have been great. Big Fucking Party has eyes set firmly on Captain of the Year. Now that he is back on the sauce watch your ladies and watch your nuts because this guy is hands all across America:
It’s Thursday get loose!
Oakie over and out.