Lines

Oakie is swamped and not in the building tonight so please enjoy, or don’t, quick lines.
Bowled and Beautiful and ICBING are on a bye. They have decided to get together for a drinking Ironman at Payson Park at 5 p.m. Toboggan racing, tug of war, and lawn jarts I am taking ICBING.
Early:
BUI (2-8) -10 vs TDYOB (4-6): No one goes 4-2 to 4-8 faster than TDYOB. Attendance has been spotty. Tonight they have Ginger Ninja, Shifter Pawl, Spooky and Space Farmer. Space Farmer is calling this #500orbust, last time TDYOB had the Ninja they were in the 400s all night. It is another lost season for boys and girls of Bork. Munson and Sneaky have been MIA, Thunder has absolutely sucked, and Farmer is usually so wasted he has no clue where he is. Speaking of sucking here comes BUI and their 590 average. Thunder and Farmer have been shitting on these guys all year expect a fired up BUI to take it out on Fake TDYOB tonight. Shoutout to Happy Feet Pete who just had bday 61, dude doesn’t look a day over 80.
LOS (7-2) -3 vs Guacbowle (6-4): Top dawgs of LOS should be able to hold off giant killers Guac tonight. LOS beat TDYOB in 2 and only had 4 bowlers. Precious took his shoes off to leave because TDYOB had lost. Excuse us dick, not the playoffs we are going to play three games, feel free to leave. Win or lose Guac never leaves they are down to party. They will make LOS work, but a refreshed Nugget and the twin towers are tough to beat. If Stiffy is there even tougher.
UREA! (3-7) -1 vs Tats and Tits (3-7): Clash of styles, UREA! reserved and quiet, T&T a full out party on the lanes. Both squads are evenly matches with identical records and pretty much identical team averages. I favor C-Murda and T$ coming up with the points when needed while Rubbys rolls balls in the gutter and blacks out.
Leisure Rolls (6-4) vs 5 Finger Discount (4-5): 5 finger been a great addition to the league, newcomer Dutch blacksout quicker than anyone, holdovers Natro, return of Coco Rufio and Rinni are always a good time. The former Trolls now that there is a real Troll team have rebounded nicely from a rough start and look primed for a playoff run. Captain Insanal has been rolling hot and was recently hired as a ball rep and can be seen giving advice to teams in late matches for a fee. He helped Thunder to a 115 game 1 last week so get his advice while it is hot!
Touch My Xcitement (7-3) -3 vs Guns of Brighton (5-5): How the hell is GOB 5-5, guess it is true what they say about the guy that oils the lanes being in the league. #newStevie. TMX has been a nice expansion squad and look to wrap up a top seed. The gods favor their sluttiness in this match.
YB2 (11-0) -5 vs Lions Den (5-5): A little closer line due to GlossyJack being in Vegas. Still Pistol Pete was spotted practicing yesterday so they still should posses enough power to take Rick Vaughn and crew out. That is if Rick’s wife even lets him bowl tonight. Lions Den will make a lot of noise and then wake up with a losing record.
Late:
Granola (5-4) vs Pinny Candy (3-6): Granola continues to find ways to win. Pinny Candy doesn’t like late matches thus I give the edge to the Granola. Average age in this match 47 years old, love the old time partiers in this league!
DHD (10-0) -15 vs Bad News Spares (1-8): DHD has an unreal 126.5 points on the year. Leave some points for the rest of us you fucking sandbaggers. Doc Moose and Lil Pickle have the inside edge on the PDA award. All I have to say in this one is BNS prepare to be crushed!
Roll Another (5-5) -10 vs Linguists (2-8): Bones couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag, you should hear the issues this poor bastard has to deal with on a daily basis. On the other side of the equation Angus can’t bowl for shit but the dude takes a mean picture. #bewarethehighfive
Lesbowlians (8-2) -10 vs Party Mix (5-5): Black Morris and Kelly may still be out west, either way the Lesbowls need a win to stay in the hunt for a B title, and that they will. Watch out ladies the captain of Party Mix is Benny Hill reincarnate!
FC Portland (3-6) -1 vs Puds Taxi (3-6): Old school rivals in this match up. Bullit and crew have had a nice season, FCP been partying hard and strikes and gutters dude. I think LouDawg full of Kentucky love comes through with a big shot game 3 for the clincher.
Happy Hands (6-3) -5 vs Bowlderdash (4-6): Hands still have an outside shoot at staying alive for a B title, but very outside, with that in mind they come out and rock the eclectic crew of Bowlder.