Late:Oakie in the house. Love the energy this season through 4 weeks. Scores have been big, squads have been partying and DJ Atomik has been laying down some nice dance party tracks let’s keep that going. Oakie is in!
Rufio and the Sauced Boys (4-0) -12 versus That’s My Son! (2-2): No one goes from 2-0 to 2-3 faster than a Blunder led team. These guys were all psyched about their 2-0 start and now it looks like they probably won’t win another game all year. Well Blunder at least you got one more win than last season jackass! Rufio’s team has won 55.5 out of 60 points and sports an incredible 750 team average, 55 pins higher than any team in the league, and 75 higher than the next closest in Nut Division team. Why don’t you just go ahead and put Rufio, Rev Lord, General Tso, Polly Ringwald, Twizzler and Animal’s names on the trophy. Rev Lord is leading the way with a 238 average, Jesus, Tso rocking a 205, Polly crushing at 188. Good night That’s My Son!
Got Wood? (2-2) -1 vs Too Much One Win (1-3): Too Much Too Fast and their band of 170 boys got their first win on the season last week. It was a huge relief and Diesel has been going around rubbing it in everyone’s faces. You’d think they guy had never won anything in his life. And from the looks of him he probably hasn’t. That said double D about to have a baby girl any minute now, so props to Diesel at least he can do something right. Fucking deadbeat. Someone once said Farmer’s voice sounds like “smooth jizz” whatever that means. Duke T’s crew have a slight team average in this one and Doc Moose has been carrying a big stick. I expect Doc and Duke to stay hot and sneak by the 1 win crew this week. Here is Doc telling Farmer his stick is bigger than Farmer’s after the match:
Border Crossers (3-1) -5 versus Shnitzengiggels (2-2): Looking at Shits roster I am surprised they have any wins at all. Dick Du J is the second BoPoer this draft league to suffer a hand injury due to a chronic masturbation problem. In this case Dick broke one of the fingers “I stick in the hole!” TMI bro! Dick told me today, “I jammed it into a computer bro and hurt it again!” Jesus Dick put that thing away! Oakie assumes he meant one of the two middle digits that you stick in the bowling ball. That ain’t good. The Border Crossers are coming off a loss to Glossy’s twin brother Crackerjackoff. You know he is still steaming from losing to his YB2 homie and they will bow up for this match up. D$ was talked about like a 190 guy and has fallen flat on his face. That’s what you get for biting on T$ and Mo$ names! Here is Glossy talking to D$ after another 170:
Liquid Talent (3-1) – 8.5 vs Bayside Hellraisers (1-3): Hakeem Blowmyself bet Thunder $100 he would beat Thunder in average. Usually when people make a wager with Thunder in this vein they win it. Right now we got Thunder 176.7 to Hakeem 142.6. Start collecting cans Hakeem:
Talent was short staffed last week and got their first loss. That crew rallies this week and flushes Party and crew down the toilet. Word on the street is Stiffy feels Big Party is too much party for the little guy. Here is Stiffy talking to Big Party after game one:
Oakie seems to remember Hungus saying something similar to Thunder year 2 of BoProAm. Here is C Murda fucking with Squatch and Couch after the match:
Never Flush (3-1) -15 versus Hello Friend (2-2): Chedophile has his team off to a hot start. They have the team avg advantage here but I still don’t think this team is that good and they get absolutely skull fucked. Here is Cheddar on the roof telling everyone he has two banners and two 300s and is pretty much Bayside Royalty:
Here is Seatown and Cheddar after the loss:
Spare-O gonna get mad pissed at the spread and C-phile’s team will crush. On the other side of the docket Spidey has put together a quality squad. Sparkle is rolling hot when he can remember it. Sparkles left Yahtzee for Sharks and Strikes this offseason whether that is true or not no one really gives a fuck. If true, he is gonna want to show Cheddar what he will be missing. Here is Sparkles singing to Cheddar after:
Fuck I think that video might be serious. That makes it even better. Like Cheddar and Sparkle those two douche canoes will end up hating each other for life. If Oakie ever met these dudes he would smash the shit out of them two times. Holden Green will be the difference in this one. I know most don’t know him. He is the mechanic that is drunk all the time, like literally 24/7, I kid. Here he is after the match:
Here is Holden is getting thrown out of Hannaford after the match:
Winter is Here (2-2) -10 versus Happy Hour Heroes (0-4): Xander and crew are trying to break Blunder’s futility record of 1-10 from a season ago and they just might do it. When you bowl with Xander expect the bowling to be bad and the partying to be low. All that equals is a dreadful 0-11 season and sounds like an Unhappy Hour to Oakie. Winter is Here got good news on the bowling front, bad news on the party front this week. The Thursday Night King is not much of an athlete and he blew out his triceps on his bowling arm due to the fact that he doesn’t take care of his body at all and he has never hit the weights a day in his life. Good news this provides the red-hot Mitch Cumstein three games, bad news is we lose one of the best vibe guys in the league smashing pins, but something tells Oakie The Thursday Night King will still bring the heat every Thursday night whether he is bowling or not. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Here is Rick Vaughn blowing out his triceps: