OK Folks! Summer is over, so now it’s time for bowling season! Looks like more and more people are hitting some practice sessions, the scores continue to rise along with our bar tabs, so it is once again time for a great reminder to the golden rule: DBAD. Simply put, be nice to everyone. I think the below video is a perfect example of this. When you are a dick, karma will come back to get you. Might be a missed 10 pin, might be an unexpected loss, or it might be like this video. Here we see some Polish dude (no offence Peanut Gutter) trying to be a dick…a concerned citizen (is that Buckeye Booth?) steps in but is pushed away…and then Karma makes an appearance:
Rad Team (-7) v. Cakeballs – Rad Team will definitely continue its run of dominance in this one…a 70 pin advantage in team average even with Yao Romo bowling like Probie?! Yikes, look out for these guys. And after weeks of trying to mess with Dentist’s mojo by slamming him, let me try a different tact. Even on an off night, the Dentist rocked 2 more 200’s last week. The guy is on fire! I saw him at a golf tournament last weekend and he drove the ball over 350 yards. He also won some money and a free beer by throwing a golf ball over 70 yards in the air…I was one of the losers in that bet, I really thought he had no chance….I mean, really, this is Dentist we are talking about. The 1-2-3-4-5-6 punch of this team will crush Cupcake and team. Bank on it.
Fuckdafino (-1) v. Skol – Viking is trying some new things this week to take out Fuckdafino…He and his Skol teammates have choreographed a new dance routine to enter the match in hopes of instilling fear in Double Cheese’s team. In a fit of glee, Double Cheese, who for those who don’t know is a part time videographer, will swoop in to film it. Which is all a set up for this amazing video:
Mellow out, Cheese! Didn’t you read the first part of the lines? I do see this one falling to Fuckdafino in a tight match. Cheese is rolling high (again), and will battle Heartbreak Kid all night. Roo and Viking and rolling well, but Lala (early MVP candidate??) and Sparetime will take some points off of them. I see Ram Rod as the difference, though. As the 3rd or 4th point for his team, that will be too much for Skol, and Viking’s season will start the inevitable spiral down the toilet bowl just like his namesake’s football teams season. Go Skins!
Drunken Noodle (-5) v. Das Missed Spare Machine – After a week one crushing, Drunken Noodle has pulled it together and are boasting a huge edge in average. While being super serious about bowling can yield big scores and wins, Dick Whitman’s crew will party and bullshit all the way to another loss….and have a blast along the way. Dick Whitman drafted a team of fun and nice people…the kind of folks who take the golden rule to heart. He also drafted a crew of mediocre bowlers, which this season means lots of losses.
I had a dedicated reader tell me another Drunken Noodle story: “Reader X” let me know that he contracted a case of Drunken Noodle he says was caused by the Scorpion Bowls at a local Chinese restaurant. But the conspiracy, he explains, was that “it had never happened before”, so he thinks someone slipped him something. I have disguised his identity per his request.
That dude was so talented, take a look at young Biggie at age 17!
Tea with Ms. McGill (-1) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – Hexy threw this prognosticator a curve ball last week when Precious made an appearance at a late match. Which tells me he wont be there tonight. But really, this team is sort of like Strikes of Hazzard of yesteryear. Impossible to predict because you don’t know who will show up. I bet we see Crackerjack and I do predict he makes at least one ball change., but finally Roadhouse will get a win. I predicted a Roadhouse win last week and they went out and lost 13.5 – 1.5. A cursed season for sure. But they are actually a talented team. Soccer Dad….good. Roadhouse….good. Bora Bora….good. Happy Feet Pete….hey, they have Soccer Dad, Roadhouse and Bora!! And they also have Vodka royalty in Princess Pinnacle! And Horcrux knows how to roll (allegedly), so I’ll take the Tea Squad in a close one.
Shot Clock Violation v. Brandy’s Savages (-5) – Captain Insanal can carry his Shot Clock Violation team to another loss for only so many weeks. Brandy has a deep and talented team. Enough said.
E Minor has been living in domestic bliss thanks to his new home he shares with his captain. He even serenaded Brandy last weekend with this one:
It has resulted in him looking up at none other than Dr. Thunder in the stats page. Ouch. I predict a big night from E Minor, and with Oakie and I getting there early tonight to heckle/pass the buck/party, it might be the week he passes him. But then again, this is E Minor we are talking about.
Management v. Bumbowlbee Tuna (-3) – Word on the street is that the Management is scrambling to find a lady sub for tonight. If they find one, they will make it a close match. If they don’t, they are doomed. But either way I see this one falling in favor of Bumbowlbee Tuna. Nut Sauce is rolling well (at least by my standards), and the way this season is going for the Management, it results in another loss. But one thing is for sure; both of these teams love their captain. And this incredibly weird video proves it…I still can’t figure out if its humorous, sexist, witty, or just dumb. What say you?
Listen Early Teams: