Oakie has got the early lines this week. Boring! Don’t let me down early games. You guys are the ones that should get a tad loose. Can work it off while heckling the late games, have some food, call it a night. I mean I know Oakie can’t imagine ever not enjoying getting fucked up, I love it!
Also can someone remind that fuck Munson that he isn’t in the league and stop biting on our lines. Congrats you replaced Farmer, who sucks, and had a lucky night, now crawl back into the hole you got out of and fuck yourself. No offense. Actually Munson is a little fucking freak, Oakie likes hanging out with dude. Here is what Munson has been up to:
Let’s get to those early lines that you all have been so eagerly awaiting. Last league games before Halloween let’s see who gets best dressed/undressed tonight.
Nut Division
Bumblebee Tuna (5-3) -10 versus Shittzengiggles (2-6): These are teams heading in different directions. Shits is wrapping up a playoff-less season. Dick Du may still be out of the country for all I care. Deputy looks like he got another lesson from Slowinski. Corn Nut is one of only two bowlers in the league with the name Corn in it. The other being Cornholio. Had a buddy in high school that we called Corn. Met the dude in HS, turns out one day on the way to their Catholic grade school Jimmy had to take a shit. Now for some reason dude couldn’t hold it, or whatever so he took a shit in a cup and the feces had corn in it. Nickname stuck. Let’s hope Corn Nut didn’t get her name in the same way. On the other side of the equation this line is totally dependent on Nut Sauce showing up. Everyone laughed when she took Walter in the first round. I mean the guy was half dead from a day of snowmobiling gone wrong. Dude was like Voldemort in Sorcerer’s Stone drinking unicorn blood and shit (holy shit Oakie #nerdalert). Walter has risen from the dead and is clutch as hell. Mo$ is probably averaging close to 149. Cornbowlio is actually on this squad, #battleofthecorn:
Lady or dude? Must be a dude I know Sauce and Mo$ are ladies. So the battle of the corn should be edge of the seat type showdown, and Nut sports one of the best energy guys in the league in Cilantro. Thank God he has that going for him because he is straight sucking this season. Here is what goes through Cilnatro’s head right before releasing his ball:
It is safe to say Cilantro has a drug problem.
Border Crossers (5-3) -5 versus Got Wood? (4-4): Got Wood? got lucky that we have 4, 2-6 or worse teams in the division because these cats are going in the wrong direction. Border Crossers are starting to hit their stride with Glossy Mexican turning into an ace now that he lives at the lanes. Doc Moose may be the most improved dude in the league and will hang with anything the Crossers throw at him. Rinni Love is going on her last three weeks or so of Bowl Portland. She is a long time Lovernaut and one of the most genuine people in the league and will be greatly missed as she moves to Denver. So let’s show Rinni a little Love on the way out the door. #safetravels
Magic is long overdue look for a big night from this freaking Cornhusker:
Oakie loves the nut tap. Strong nut tap game.
Here is Barry Violet out on the farm recently:
The Toilet Bowl
The Management (2-6) versus Tea with Mr.s McGuil #nobodywins Disclaimer I am finding this match very hard to handicap. We’ve got two teams that Thunder’s squad has beat (I’d thought I’d never write that after Blunder’s 1-11 season from a year ago). Hungus has been so hot goes 235, 234, then 127 and they shit a win down the toilet. On the otherhand you have the last 1 win team in the league. They have a sizeable pin advantage. The Management has Taygod and The Fuge ready for a breakout night, they hope. Oakie is feeling it for these cats. Both will have their high game of the season. You see that’s what happens to Roadhouse and crew every single team has their best night of the season against them. Horcrux strings a good one together, that man is due, but something just tells me the Management is tired of losing and gets the 1 point victory 8-7 in a right down to the wire match for their first early game win of the season. Then Hungus and the Corsican Brothers do this:
That’s Oakie and Cupid laughing with the film crew, speaking of film crew Oakie is the Key Grip and Farmer is the British Director:
You spank that ass Les!
Shifter Update:
Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job!
Man Oakie sure does have a lot of time on his hands, but Jesus Christ if this shit doesn’t make me laugh.
Buck Division (All Star Game Champions)
Hello Friend! (5-3) -3 versus Fuckdafino (4-4): Look Oakie doesn’t have any power, if I favor a team by 15 it doesn’t mean their opponents will get fired up and that you will lose. Or does it? No one complains about the lines more than everyone’s favorite unemployed laser tech than Cheddy Krueger. This guy will come into your dreams and fucking ruin them:
$100 says Dick Allen posted that on YouTube. Shootout to YouTube. Back to the match Cheddar and Cheese, the battle of the Cheese, will be a fun early match of top dawgs om the fresh oil. But I mean:
Mini Guinea is going to be joining Oddballs this year and I say she has a nice score helping Hello Friend to the win. Caboose must be trying out a new ball, a name change, changing bowling style because she is bringing up the rear at a 92.4 average. That’s hard charging partying right there and Oakie fully approves:
Totally we all just out here hanging out, having a few laughs, a few beers if some pins fall so be it. Ram Rod is due a big one and the Rod knows how to party in an early match. Early or late get in there and give it all you got. This will be a good game I hope Cheddar’s team loses. Here is Cheddar after the match with some friends in his room:
Rad Team (6-2) -5 versus Skol (3-5): Skol finds ways to lose like the Tampa Bay Bucs, fuck that stings. Rad Team on a 2 game losing streak coinciding with Dentist going off the rails and playing golf every day and getting addicted to porn, again. Here is Dentist showing up to the lanes:
South Paw and Yao Romo doing great backup dancing. I never knew the Dentist could speak Spanish:
I think Rad bounces back as Kingpin is on the road and Lil Lane may still be on the IR, which leads to 3 games for South and 3 for Dentist and the margin. Bullet has one of her precise under 10 mph pinpoint strong games, HBK does work but if someone else doesn’t step up and South Paw and Dentist should be reasonably sober unless they golfed, that should power them to victory. Here is South Paw at 10 p.m.:
Best Match of Early:
Happy Hour Heroes (2-6) -1 versus Das Strike Machine (3-5): All Star Das Ducken been rolling strong this season for the aptly named Das Strike Machine. They do have Das, maybe not a ton of strikes but Dick Whitman’s crew needs this one big time. Dick has already won having signed Badger to Guac, no big deal just a lefty ace that averages 220. Fuck it we always lose to Guac anyway. Oakie’s wife subbed for them and they beat us. Rough night. Xander took the bulletin board material and ran with it. I think they bring that same fire tonight and put a real dent in Dick’s playoff plans. #miserylovescompany Here is Dick Whitman in the parking lot after the match:
Dick is the real MVP. Love when that dude Bills fan breaks his leg his buddy filming it is laughing and saying dude you blew out your ACL then starts laughing. Man after my own heart. Former jizz guy, he says there is a story behind that, but we started talking business and MacDabbin is good at his craft gave Oakie a sweet hookup last week and that is a ten thumbs up. Yummy, props. Unfortunately for MacD et al Saw and Swanny have success tonight and push the heroes to back to back wins. Leading Dick to say this at the bar with Mitch Cumstein:
Not to good man. Now get out there and have some fun it’s BoPo for Godsakes!