Well Oakie pulled the short straw once again this week and got the early lines #killmenow, Oakie would rather run around in traffic naked than bowl the early shift. Work all day, run around like a chicken with your head cut off, not get any warm up throws in, shoes on, start bowling, no one is partying, DJ isn’t feeling it. Or get there at 7, get loose as fuck, people starting to party, DJ starting to feel the vibe. Yes Alex I’ll take option B for $100. Oh wow Hungus announces the original podcast is back so we go from hearing Crackerjerkoff talk about himself to Thunder talking about his dong. Also give me option B.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzM2DwYWuPY
Here’s Hungus showing up to get the PBA to Portland:
Well last week of the regular season, what a bummer, let’s get to it:
Early:
Buck Division:
Hello Friend! (7-3) -15 versus Cakeballs (3-7): Cupcake’s crew is playing out the string on a lost season after already having been eliminated. The Gutterboy pick worked like a wet fart in Church:
Let’s just call that a visual representation of Cake Balls season. Well no one can take the dick and balls shirts from them except Salvation Army. This is clearly an example of what happens when you fuck your shirts up. Note to future captains don’t fuck your shirts up:
In Cakeballs defense they got in the monster division, if they were in Nut Division and on Hungus’ team he would devise a way that they would still be alive. Wow that guy does a lot of drugs if he thinks the Management is still alive. #don’tfuckyourshirtsup. Oakie must admit I was dead wrong about Dead Chedds team. A few nights after the draft I enjoyed a safety meeting with Chedd-Beat, we got wasted he took a polaroid of the rehab facility across Alder and talked about how Hello Friend was gonna be a force to be reckoned with. I was wrong, but still fuck you all and fuck you Cheddar:
That said Friend! wins and looks like a potential semis team, here they are after their match:
Also Spare-O I lost a bet with a dude and he wants some edibles so if you have a connect hook Oakie up on the down low. Here is Cheddar when he ran out of power:
Sniffing boxers and shit, also can someone give the dude a jump for fucksakes.
I farmered the Xander and Squatch match out to Cupid.
Drunker Noodle (7-3) -15 versus Never Flush (5-5): Dick Du Douchebag is going around telling anyone that will listen (and nobody will) that he drafted Fart Nugget’s team that even though he isn’t going to the playoffs he drafted Fat Nugget’s team so he is GM of the year:
Poor schmuck just take your season of losing and get the fuck out. Nugget has assembled a great team. They pulled one over on the league when notorious backstabber Peanut Gutter said he and Haz Bin were going to split matches; therefore, Haz Bin falls to second round because Peanut Gutter blows and then PG never shows Haz Bin plays all the games. Just another example of Hungus fucking over the league.
So this match has a ton of meaning for Nug and crew as they can lock up top seed. Flush has flushed their season down the toilet and are most likely heading to the shootout unless they win and another team loses and they get a ton of points and the other doesn’t. So you know here is Holden Green after the match:
Who the fuck does this guy think he is E Minor?
Nut Division:
Hexy Hooligans (5-5) -10 versus Shotclock Violation (2-8): So long SCV we hardly knew ya. Sasmaquatch led his squad directly into the shitter:
Tango got hurt, Insanal been crushing huge practice scores, blah, blah, blah you guys are 2-8 hope you enjoyed the ride because it is over. On the other hand Hexy’s squad has had an up and down Precious only plays early rollercoaster of a season. Crackerjackoff got murdered by Thunder a few weeks back they could actually fall out of the play-in with a loss so I expect them to roll in this one. Maybe CJ will go full geek and fake bowl some pros via skype after the match:
As you inhale as a breath of fresh air.
Rufio and the Sauced Boyz -12 versus Got Wood? (4-6): Got Wood? about to get fucked!
With a loss Got Wood? could easily fall out of the play-in. After yet another loss last week I overheard Thunder talking Doc Moose off a ledge where Moose went on and on bitching about all the losing only to come around to a half-hearted “Well we are having fun.” Yeah right Oakie has seen very little partying coming out of Got Wood?
Rufio squad too strong and hey why not go for the undefeated season. Rufio also wanted to clarify two weeks ago she benched herself and herself only. Got Wood? better hope Shitzandbeergoogles losses.
Damn Thunderwood took that loss hard.
Brandy Savages (8-2) -1 versus Bumblebowl Tuna (6-4): This is a huge match for BT, with a loss they are in play-in, with a win and Thunder loss and some points they are in playoffs. Nut Sauce murdered Thunder’s team with a 216 266 last week, hot damn that lady can fucking roll:
Mo$ got off the 149 schnide too, so this match will be a tight one.
Cupid preseason pick has been hot as hell. E Minor has had a nice rebound and T$ have been money. They have nothing to play for, but I think they get it done this afternoon.
Late
Nut Division:
Border Crossers (7-3) -5 versus That’s My Son! (6-4): Son could fall into the play-in with a loss to the BCs and a loss it will be. D$ who hasn’t been that good is out tonight and that helps BC, as Glossy Mexican who has been a house on fire gets three games. He is the best bowler in the match by a large margin and should be the difference in this one, here he is before the match:
Here are Glossy and Boys finding out some facts of life:
Here’s Dawn and Mona working the late shift tonight:
That’s My Son! has had an up and down season. That said Blunder must be tickled pink with the 6 wins which is x6 better than last season. Here is Thunder after the game talking to the squad:
Seen all the tape that dude been wearing, old man is falling apart. Despite the loss tonight we can count on Thunder’s party to get loose: