Well I ventured into the video realm with last week’s lines, but I will leave that to Waldorf and Statler. I’ll go with something a little more staid. That said, this is a timely approach as folks all over the place are ignoring my admonitions in Techno(phobe) Tuesday lines and submitting photos of themselves to a database so they can see what painting they look like, casting caution to the wind regarding their own privacy.
Self-Portrait with Fur Collar, Albrecht Durer
L.O.S. (2-0) -3 vs Yahztee (1-1): Durer’s visits to Italy not only made him the first Northerner to learn about Renaissance art on its native soil, it also made him envious of the exalted status enjoyed by the top Italian artists, and determined to achieve a similar position for himself. Self-Portrait with Fur Collar is above all a personal statement by Durer. First, he wants to show that German traditions of painting can compete with the Italian Renaissance. This reminds the viewer of L.O.S. traveling to Tuesday, looking to show that Thursday bowling can compete with Tuesday.
Oath of the Horatii (detail), Jacques-Louis David
Cape Fear (1-1) -1 vs Oddballs (2-0): Derived from Roman Legend, as outlined about by the Roman historian Titus Levy, Oath of the Horatii is a history painting which portrays a scene set in 669 BCE about a dispute between two rival cities, Rome and Alba Longa. The rulers of each city have decided that, instead of ordering their respective armies to fight each other, they will each select three individuals to do the fighting for them. In Rome, three brothers from the Horatii family agree to fight on behalf of the city, against three brothers from the Curiatii family from Alba Longa. The Paw brothers will battle the Heartbreak Kid/Brooklyn brothers in this one. Soccer Dad is holding the swords.
Nighthawks, Edward Hopper
Bowl Trolls (3-0) -13 vs Three Livers (0-3): No, this piece isn’t chosen because it’s Gutterslut and Big Red at the counter, but for this analysis. “There is certainly a sense in which his rendering of architecture here is more model-like than real. The cafe seems thin, insubstantial, as if constructed out of cut and folded paper. Arguably, though, it is this very lack of substance that gives the image its dramatic force. The plight of the ‘nighthawks’ lies in their vulnerability and we register this fact almost instantly. The apparent fragility of their illuminated place of refuge stands in stark contrast to the surrounding darkness that seems to come alive with unknowable presences even as we look.” The Trolls will be 4-0, but is that record real, or does it lack substance?
The Drunken Gentleman, Carlo Carra
Budweisers (3-0) -1 vs My Balls (1-1): Carra said “I am not concerned with dynamism or any other theories. I would like simply to arrive at a synthesis that suits me. I believe that modernity will appear of its own accord, if there is any modernity in my soul after it has finally been freed from all its prejudices about the future. Simplicity in tonal and linear relations – that is all that really concerns me now.” Almost word for word what Pickup Truck once said to me on the lanes. Budweisers win a huge division game.
Abduction of the Sabine Women, Nicolas Poussin
Sharks and Strikes (1-2) -1 vs S.O.D. (3-0): According to the Roman historians Livy and Plutarch, the newly established settlement of Rome suffered from a shortage of women. To remedy the problem the Romans approached the neighboring Sabine tribe, but they refused to allow their women to take Roman husbands. So the Romans organized a large festival during which – at a pre-arranged signal – they grabbed the Sabine women and drove off the unarmed Sabine men. In this piece we see a representation of Sharks and Strikes seizing Nugget from other teams, and she will play a major role in her team knocking SOD from the ranks of the undefeated.
N.E.D. (3-0) -3 vs Strikes on Tap (2-1): Achilles and Hector are both great warriors for their armies. Achilles commands the Greek army, while Hector commands the Trojan army. They are both heroes of their respective sides. They will be played by Spidey and Cleveland in this one. Hey Cleveland, go for the heel!
Man Smoking a Pipe, Cezanne
O.C. (1-2) -1 vs Binga’s (2-1): These teams have battled for 11 years, and won three of the first 4 BoPo titles. When they play it marks a reassuring continuity to the seasons. In this piece, Cezanne gives The Smoker a blank expression. As a result it is impossible to say if he is wise or merely vacant. Whatever the case, his immobility and lack of expression imparts a timeless, tranquil quality to the composition, no doubt reflecting the unvarying routines of provincial (BoPo) life.
Return of the Prodigal Son, Rembrandt
Strikes of Hazzard (1-2) -1 vs Body English (0-3): The elder brother on the right, with his remorseful appearance, had, according to St. Luke, reproached his father: “See, I have served you for so many years and never disobeyed your commandments … but now he, who wasted your money with harlots, has come and you have sacrificed the fattened calf for him.” Those could be LB’s words upon seeing his Captain Uncle Jesse embrace Herb’n Legend. Herb’n has bowled well for Body English, but they seem destined to a regular season of difficult losses.
The Birth of Venus, Boticelli
Ball That (2-1) -3 vs Brooklyn Hookers (1-1): According to the classical poet Hesiod, Venus was conceived when Chronus castrated his father, the God Uranus, whose severed organs fertilized the sea. Ouch. In this case Venus could represent Hollywood, one of the few female captains in the league. But further analysis reveals that this Boticelli piece miraculously survived the Dominican monk Savonarola‘s “bonfire of the vanities” in 1497, and Ball That has suppressed all vanity by self-demoting to B, and ultimately this piece points to a Ball That win.
The Stroganoff Madonna, Duccio di Buoninsegna
Saucy Posse (2-1) -3 vs Skol (2-1): The name says it all. Here Nut Sauce looks on with mixed emotions as Beef Strokinoff discusses his plan of attack for the lanes. This is a game between the top two averages in BoPo and should a be a good one. Viking may be too despondent to roll, however, so I’ll go with The Stroganoff Madonna.
Saturn Devouring his Son, Francisco Goya
Incredibowls (2-1) -13 vs Whoomp (0-3): God of Thunder has reacted with ferocity to losing Spidey and his team is a surprising 2-1. This picture is a virtuoso rendering of a frenzied psychopath, caught in the darkness, who is unable to control his homicidal behavior. Saturn’s rough nakedness, dishevelled hair and beard, wide-eyed stare, and aggressive movements all indicate a state of hysterical madness. While perhaps less extreme, the Incredibowls will roll over Whoomp in their own fit of hysterical madness.
Lavender Mist (Number 1), Jackson Pollock
Wrecking Balls (1-2) -5 vs Burners (0-3): In 1956 Willem de Kooning pointed out that “every so often, a painter has to destroy painting. Cezanne did it, Picasso did it with Cubism. Then in the late 1940s Jackson Pollock did it. He busted our idea of a picture all to hell. Then there could be new paintings again.” The Burners are in the initial phases of destroying bowling so there can be new bowling. The Wrecking Balls have a more traditional style and should get to .500. Ah, who am I kidding, I don’t understand Pollock.