Week 2: Mon dieu! Jeltz returns from Paris to break 200 as DHD surges to huge points lead
Derelicte My Balls 9 Binga’s Wingas 6
“Frances is so hot right now!” noted Bubbles as her now fully staffed team assembled. The rest of the squad sipped their orange-mocha frappucinos and giggled. Then Frances rolled a 73 in his debut and the team got nervous. DMB had to stop just looking good and focus on the lanes, as Binga’s had come to play. Well, sort of…Wing Al wandered in a tad late and the Wingas only had three other players. After getting manhandled in week 1, and with their captain loudly announcing “we suck”, the Wingas somehow managed to fight for 6 points. Maybe Wing Al knows his team, and thought that calling them out would rally them – they did show tremendous camaraderie by naming the whole squad as MVP. The game took it’s toll on them physically however, prompting one Winga to declare “I’m 8 years old in bowling years”. Derelicte learned the dangers of high expectations, as fans weren’t pleased with a mere 9-6 win. Of course, their fans seem to fall into the scifi crowd, as they were seen blasting each other with imaginary phasers and snorting “permission to go galactic”. With fans like these…
On a side note, Binga’s would like to see BowlPortland have a stripper pole.
Three Livers 9 Off Constantly 6
Off Constantly has learned the hard way that everyone brings their A game when they play the top team. Well, it’s still early, but they aren’t the top team anymore. “Frankly, we were eager to lose so that we could get a laugh out of our name” said Tron. Well, here you go. 3 Livers beats Off Constantly!
Paced by an eye popping game from Hank (5 strikes in a row) and a league record 625 team score in the third game, 3 Livers rallied from 4-1 down to win this one. Clearly fired up after their huge finish Maude said she wanted to “strap [the trophy] on the front of her boat and go down the Kennebec River!” She also noted the whole team is inspired by teammate Pearl (who went from a high of 66 last week to 133 this week). Well, that may be, but the league is impressed by Wilma, who rolled a 176 in the third game and was third on her own team! Oh, and Maude benched herself after one game.
Off Constantly stayed late to practice after another suspect outing. “The lanes weren’t oiled right” they pleaded. Then they gathered ‘round their autographed Roy Munson photo and cried. “We want the trophy, so we can drink out of it”. Yes, time to drown your sorrows. They do have the highest total pins though, league, so don’t sleep on these guys.
Pinups 11 Spare Us 4
Remember 80’s parody rap star Chunky A? The alter ego of Arsenio Hall? No. Nevermind. Anyway, The Pinups welcomed teammate Chunk in week 2, and responded with a big 11-4 win to rebound from week 1. Chunk, who teammates think is “so silky”, earned MVP honors with his team high 161. Inspired by Stevan Seagal, the Pinups took a step forward, and regained their mojo. Even after losing last week, they think BowlPortland is lacking any challenge. Bold. They also mentioned they’d use the trophy as a toilet if they won. Stop them, BowlPortland!
Spare Us showed signs of life this week, coming up with four points and moving out of last place. They think they’ll really take off once they secure some coon-skin ball buffers. Speaking of silky. Uncle Buck continued to do the heavy lifting, but Emory’s big week earned team MVP honors. This team could have folded after a 14-1 loss and trailing 5-0, but they dug deep and rallied back for some much needed points, all in the face of the trash-talking Pinups. In a move that is either a threat or kissing ass, Chupacabra said if he won the title, he’d weld the trophy on his boss’s car’s hood. That would look sweet.
BEER 8 Purple Haze 7
The brothers duked it out on Tuesday, and while The Dude proved more clutch in pressure situations, Hungus fielded the winning squad. The result looked unlikely when things began. With the Pin Whisperer taking his time to find the lanes, Hungus, Filthy and Roy bowled shorthanded, throwing gutters for PW and constantly looking at the door. The Dude pounced, with Imoan helping the Haze to a 5-0 lead. But as the game entered it’s final frame, the Whisperer strolled through the door, four snickers bars in hand.
The Whisperer helped rally the team to a 5-0 win in game 2 to tie things up, all while downing inordinate amounts of nougat. He even managed to squeeze in streak of four straight strikes. Not having to toss gutters helped the rest of the squad rebound as well. The Dude’s team felt the heat.
Going into the final frames, the Dude left the door open to brother Hungus, but he choked. No spare. That left it all up to the Whisperer, who won the decisive last point on the last ball of the game. He then tried to eat the trophy.
Happy Hands Productions 9 Saucy Posse 6
For recap, go here: http://www.portland207.com/the-latest.html
Dirty Half Dozen 14 $3 Gutterballs 1
Lesson: $3 Gutterballs-1 Captain < Dirty Half Dozen + Jeltz
Make sense? Jeltz returned from Paris to set a league high score in his first game, becoming the first BowlPortlander to top 200 with a 204. His play inspired all of his teammates (except, it seems, his sister, whose performance dropped with big brother arriving) to roll up another big one and move further into first place. Now if they could just get some decent nachos. These guys are out for blood, and hope to drink yours from the championship trophy.
The Gutterballs got one captain back, but still aren’t up to fully staffed. NicLovin did perform well, and the Pinstigator was a repeat MVP, but at the end of the day they’re sitting alone in last place. They did show up to defend their home bar, however, and don’t seem the least bit discouraged by their early struggles. If Striker ever gets that curve to work, look out.