Love Ya, BowlPortland ™

We’ve had a hell of a ride so far, BoPo.  I never would have thought that a 12 team beer league started on a whim, built only to have an excuse to drink on Tuesdays in the Winter, would evolve into a career and a community.  My community.  I never thought I’d be able to build a home for the league.  I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity to thank each of you for making this possible so far and bringing so much joy and love to my life.  Take the time to appreciate it.  Only a couple weeks left in the regular season, and then you’d be silly not to come party with us all for April PBA.  Then playoffs and one amazing Bowling Ball on April 27.


Now since I’ve said nice things let’s insult some fucks!


Saucy Posse (8-2) -3 vs Skol (5-5): These are a couple of teams that have real shots at a title.  SauPo had to sit out last week so they’ve had 8 days to think about their losses in the Bracket Tourney.  Nut Sauce got bounced in the first round by a 280 from Cumstein, Splinter made it all the way to the finals before being run over by the bowler of destiny.  Beef qualified but skipped the whole thing.  When they all get back together they are an 800 waiting to happen.  Skol is right where they want to be at .500, last year that same record got them a trip to the finals.  Viking needs to get a bit more consistent, but with Gunz at the top of the lineup they can play with anyone.  SauPo wins here though.

OC (6-5) -3 vs YB2 (4-6):  Welcome to Tuesday.  OC has quietly won more than they’ve lost, though this is not the OC. vibe of old.  Mama D can throw down, but the twins have yet to really put on a party and Jr Hoss is a workhorse, not a show pony.  YB2 still reeling from a tumultuous offseason, they could probably use Glossy or Cheddar.  Pistol did make a surprise run to the Final 4 of the Bracket tourney, but with very few games from All Day Lemay they just don’t have the depth for the Tuesday A grind.

Sharks (10-1) -5 vs Oddballs (8-2): Technically the Oddballs are the only team with a realistic shot to catch Sharks, as a win here gives them the tiebreaker. Correction – I am wrong.  I don’t see it happening.  This is going to be awkward as hell on the lanes tonight.  Tune in if you like watching train wrecks.  HBK will have a smile on his face the whole time and does seem to have found his stroke, and the whole Oddballs squad is starting to get a little better (and they do own an amazing 8-2 record even without bowling their best).  Sharks won’t lose this one though, means too much to them.  They’ll just wave a Yahtzee banner in Cheddar’s face pregame to fire him up and then let him rip.

XXX Club (5-6) -1 vs GOB (7-3): Those records are correct!  Also, the Club is 0-1 against Thursday teams.  Huh.  Not sure what to make of Club this year, they are the only team to beat Sharks correction – I’m an idiot and they do have the best bowler in the league, but they are wildly inconsistent.  Chalk it up to the Title hangover I guess.  Guns on the other hand are having a breakout season.  Holden is extra focused with all that money on the line, Squeaky G has been a great Nurple replacement, Moon and Hand have been solid and Seatown is psyched to finally have some help.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see this one go the other way, but I’ll take Club since it’s their home night.

Budweisers (7-3) -1 vs Strikes on Tap (8-2): I’m really just picking this score because I want to see a four way tie for first place.  Strikes have led Tueday B from the start, but they have three teams right on their tails and did lose last week.  The Budweisers have shaken off the departure of Ric Spair and run off 5 straight wins.  Sir Mark A Lot has team high average with a…wait a minute, wtf, a 148?  How the hell have the won 5 straight?  Strikes on Tap -3.

Wrecking Balls (6-4) -3 vs Whoomp (2-8): First off shout out to Whoomp.  In a year where most teams have seen their averages drop, these guys are up 33 pins!  That’s pretty wild, not your grandfather’s Whoomp.  So it won’t be an easy W fro the Wrecking Balls, but Swanny’s team is in playoff mode and know a loss here will likely end those hopes.  They’ll play to win and get it done tonight for a fourth straight victory.


Bowl Trolls (5-5) -1 vs Burners (6-5): I said it was do or die time for defending B champs the Trolls last week and they responded with their best game of the year to crush the top team in the division and maintain a glimmer of hope of reaching the playoffs.  Swing that python, Fuge.  Not to be outdone, the Burners went out and knocked off the second place team.  A 6th loss dooms either of these guys in the playoff chase, so if you want to watch a playoff game tonight sit on perv row behind this one, down a gummy and have some fun.

Poultry Ass (7-3) -3 vs Hookers (6-4):  Iceberg has a bit of Viking in him.  He can really throw some hate his own way.  Like Viking, though, his self hate after a miss doesn’t spread to the rest of his squad and they are out there having a good time and picking up a lot of wins in their first season.  The Hookers have just stayed under the radar but sit at 6-4 and have a lot of potential, and at least on the website have a league leading 629 average, accuracy not guaranteed.  Congrats to Rotini and Hollywood on expecting, btw, so many BoPoBabies.  I guess I’ll take Poultry Ass, but expect a really tight game.  Tuesday B has really been entertaining.

BARE (3-8) -1 vs Mindz in The Gutter (2-8): The only Tuesday B game with no playoff implications!  These two expansion teams are having more traditional first seasons, having a ton of fun on the lanes, getting very loose, and losing games.  MIG has actually lost 8 straight after their 2-0 start, but you would never guess.  Sticky Fingers pines for Thursday but he’ll make do with a Tuesday party for now.  This is where I’m supposed to explain how Tuesday is the original night and all that but nobody has time for that shit.

Splits Happen (7-3) -11 vs BILF (2-8): The only total mismatch on paper tonight.  BILF locked in a four way race for last that should go down to the final game.  Way to keep it exciting Danks!  Speaking of Danks, looks like he and Javs may be doing their live show from Bayside on Monday April 8th for the PBA draft and the opening night of PBA.  Be there fools, it just keeps getting better.  Splits Happen has lost 2 in a row after a 7-3 start but will right the ship tonight and be in a very good position to win the division crown with two weeks to go.

Body English (8-3) -3 vs Bingas (3-8): BEER may be in for a bit of a letdown after their thrilling win over the Richards last week (279’s wont cut it Glossy, do better).  Plus Slow Roll is getting in two lefty games tonight, that’ll keep this one tight.  Bingas is down to their lean 4 player playoff roster and should get in a groove.  BEER is up to their 7 player playoff roster and should get really drunk.  Railroad is due for a bounceback week though, and Body English wins to wrap up the Dusty Banner division title.

Swinging Richards (7-4) -3 vs SOD (7-4): The Dicks’ have defied all logic to lose 4 straight while maintaining the highest average in the league by almost 15 pins.  Huh?  SOD has similarly defied logic with a 5 game winning streak while having the 9th best average in the division.  Whaaaa?  I have no idea what’s going on here.  I’ll take the team with the 72 pin average lead over the team with the winning streak I guess.  Weird ass shit.





4 thoughts on “Love Ya, BowlPortland ™

    1. Yea, ok Denis. Loveya Hungus, and Thanks for putting together such an awesome spot for us all to party our asses off!

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