Farmer Gets The Early Shift

Two weeks in, and the huge scores have shown no signs of slowing down! 20 people with averages over
200, and if you want to crack the top 50 this season you’ll need a 173 average. Yikes, better get some
practice in.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the big recent news that potentially impacts a lot of the BoPo
community. Sometimes, just when you think things are going great, you get hit with a curveball that
makes you question everything you thought for the past couple years. Of course I am talking about the
wave of stories that vaping is bad for you. Many of us thought “Well, at least its not smoking, it’s way
better than that”…

Careful out there, everyone.

I have the early matches this week. And I’ll take the 2 matches on the west side that start at 730 as well.
Because that’s the kind of guy I am. Here is one my biggest fans ripping up his paper copy of the lines:

Remember, none of this is serious, and I likely won’t remember what I predicted in this writeup.

The Strike is Right (-1) v. Denim VaJean – The top two teams in the LaLa Division of the Buck Conference
meet up for a big head to head match. Denim is led by Master Splinter and Xander Rolle is crushing it
with a 188 average (and no 200s?). Strike duo of Hungus and Jerk righted the ship last week, and they
will be strong again tonight, but will it be enough?
I think the solid scores of Cilantro and Rocky Balbowla will top Spare-O (fresh from a visit with the Pimp
of the Prarie, you may remember him as Cheddar) and Chernoblayne, as they edge out a win. Slow Roll
and Dumptruck will get theirs, and I think it all adds up to a 1 point win. Shout out to Slippin Jimmy, love
the name:

Might want to get the shovel crews ready, Hungus. Eight grand…

Truth Hurts (-5) v. Fish Bowl – I was able to get a close look at Truth Hurts last week, and they are
pretty, pretty good. Couple of newer bowlers on their team, Eggroll and King Lettuce (the guy has hair
like Morrissey circa 1989! He had a five bagger against us! Who is this guy?!), were the difference in
their win against my squad last week. Squeaky G is on fire, Tango was great as always. Oh yeah, they
have Nugget and Kelly Kabowlski also. Tough squad to beat, especially early.
Shooter knows how to build a draft team. Start with an ace in Duke Thunderwood, add some depth
with Squatch, then add some more fun people to spend the fall with. Ram Rod has found his mojo thus

far this fall, and that will help a lot, but Truth Hurts will pile up the points and get the win. Duck must
look at this team and again realize she is the only adult in the room with this crew.
This is King Lettuce’s walk up music, inspired by the hair:

Shooter’s walk up music:

Shooter and Ram Rod helping Duke Thunderwood get into the pre-game flow:

Dick Sparkles (-3) v. Big Dills – The Big Dills are leading their division (that’s the All Day Division of the
Nut Conference, for those of you scoring at home), but it will be tough to stay unbeaten against the likes
of DDJ, Putt Putt, and TDYOB stud Mo $. And who the hell is Flat-Line? You better hope he shows up
because birthday boy Nuber may still be hungover from his birthday party. Congrats on turning 40,
dude. Sorry to let you know this, but this is the decade where your tool starts to lose its fastball. Ask
Cleveland Steamer, he knows what I’m talking about.
The Big Dills are captained by Lil’ Pickle. Good thing she’s the captain or she wouldn’t get any PT! She
has a very solid team, but Cleveland Steamer (he will be called this until the Browns have a winning
record) will be hard pressed to keep up with Dick and Putt Putt. At least the guy doesn’t drink Truly’s on
the regular…

The Big Dills also have relative newcomer in Phil Frames. He’s a great add, looks a little like Dr. Honniker
for those BoPo historians out there. All around good guy, be sure to give him a nice BoPo welcome. In
other words, heckle him.

Deputy (-5) v. Titans – Leave it to Deputy to not name his team. What a bum. Doc Moose came up with
Titans, and based on the size of some of the guys on the team, I get it. What I don’t get is how someone
who bowls as much as Doc Moose has an average in the low 160’s. That’s Thunder territory there:

Precious will get some big numbers, but not sure where any other big scores will come from. Deputy
has Crackerjackoff and C Murda over 180, along with himself, so I like their chances. And it should be
known forever that Mr. Hilti has been renamed Beer Hunter. And I like it. For those who don’t know
the origin story of the name, here is a super famous scene from the movie:

Pretty intense, huh? Not all of these clips are jokes. Most of them are, but not that one. Its like I lost
myself there for a minute…what dude am I?

OK, I’m back.

The Hole Package (-13) v. Pineapple – Come on Pineapple, name your team! The Hole Package will
cruise to 2-1 after their win tonight. Pineapple’s squad is still finding their footing a bit, but even when
they do their 439 team average isn’t getting a lot of points this fall. Ollie Bubba is just psyched not to
have a dick and balls on her shirt.
The Hole Package has the lowest team average in the Railroad Division, other than some team named
Pineapple. Holden is leading the way with a 177, and that will be more than enough tonight. Lets check
in on each member of the team after the win (Nurple dancing, Fuge swimming, Bowl Murray and Bora
ordering drinks, Rubby’s trying to get home, and Holden just walking around) :

Of all those clips, the one with the highest probability of happening in real life is definitely the Bowl
Murray clip….knock on wood if your with me!

Murder of Crows (-5) v. Dolla Bets – The scheduling gurus were kind to Natro, gifting him Pineapple
week 1 and then a Rev Lord-less Rufio squad in game 2. Back to reality tonight though.
Crowbar has assembled a team with 2 big surprises on it. Mokiki and Hambone are both averaging over
a 200, relegating Nut Sauce to third banana. And as tempted as I am to make a joke there, I’ll lay off for
now. You’re welcome, Nut Sauce. You too, Splinter. But come to think of it, third banana would be a
great bowling name.
Murder of Crow will cruise in this one. Fake Natro (you may know him as Dutch) is a mess right now, he
usually is every Thursday, but now its spilling over into his bowling. Cerrano will put up huge numbers
to keep it close, but Murder of Crow will take this one.

West Side 730 Double Header! Two matches starting at a fun time, not to early, not too late, on the
new side. Have fun over there!

The Vice Squad (-5) v. Rufio! – Rufio should name her team Elevator, Elevator, because she got the
shaft! Ba Dum Tss! Thank you, thank you, please remember to tip your servers! But I digress….
Rufio drafted Rev Lord in round 1, but he is injured so they are without their best bowler. Sea-town
drafted Roadhouse, and he has an average over 200. Advantage Vice Squad. The entire team is solid,
Hot Gravy, Burt the Bandit, and Sticky Fingers are all rolling well, and Bird Bones rocking a 130 will do
just fine. Congrats to Bird Bones on joining BARE, welcome to Tuesday B!

Rufio will have to weather this early season losing streak until they get their ace. Until then, I
understand you can get 6 American Coronas for $20!! But this will work also:

Hexy’s Hooligans (-5) v. Whiskey Shooters – Hexy went out there and assembled quite a great team this
year. They carry a 70 pin advantage in team average, and Herb’n Legend is killing it. Lobsterman and
Polly Metro are in the 170’s, and that spells doom for Whiskey Peter. At this point, he’d be happy to get
someone not named All Day Lemay to top Tommy Torpedo tonight. What do you say, Insanal or 8-bit?
Up for the challenge?
I love that Hexy handles the stats, and I also love that my team made her wait until midnight to get the
scorecard from us last week. She’ll finish up this win by 10, then have to watch Thunder and Farmer go
deep into the night in their match to collect her final scorecard of the evening. Hexy sending Joe to get
us to move it along:

Happy Thursday, everyone:

4 thoughts on “Farmer Gets The Early Shift

  1. Good because I’m developing a line of glitter-condoms and I wanna use Dick Sparkles. Can this serve as a trademark?

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