The Farmer’s Ballmanac

Already October! Anyone else fired up for the All-Star game tomorrow?
I get the late matches this week, and I will start with a blowout on the new side:
Spared No Expense (-7) v. Yes is More! – And I may be being kind to my team, predicting we get 4
points. Glossy has three bowlers in Frankie, Jr. Hoss, and himself who will likely top anything Farmer’s
team can throw at them. Farmers team likely has six people who will out party anything Glossy’s crew
even thinks about doing in that department. Advantage Glossy (on the lanes). Advantage Farmer (in
life).
Yes is More! Has 3 All-Stars in Ricky Vaughn, Farmer, and Animal. Spared No Expense has 4 All Stars,
with the three nerds mentioned above plus Ice Ice Mary, who has a sweet 166 average. Yet this one
won’t be close. Total Revenge of the Bowling Nerds tonight, kind of like Frankie dancing back in college:

Go Flock Yourself (-7) v. The Hole Package – Holden decided to go full friend/full party for his draft, and
that is resulting in some pretty bad scores:

It certainly won’t pay off for them in terms of winning. Go Flock Yourself may not have the wins, but this
is a playoff team that nobody will want to play come November. Sparkles made his debut last week, and
is yet another bowler with a 200 average. Flat-Line, their fourth best bowler, has a 176 average. Yikes.
They will crush tonight, and even Nuber will be getting points against The Hole Package.
Here would be where I put a link about Bowl Murray falling into a dumpster trying to pee on her way
home, but shockingly YouTube took it down. So I’ll let you all just imagine that yourself. [This is true,
had a great hilarious clip, and it has been removed]
I would be remiss if I didn’t shout out to my girl Mo $! Love ya Mo! Roll Bork!

Dr. Thunder’s Revenge (-1) v. Cakeballs II – Interesting matchup, this one. Cakeballs is the very
definition of a top-heavy team, with Tommy Gunzzz averaging a league leading 239 over 9 games. I
think I’ve only had about 5 lifetime games over that score. (my lifetime high is 255, nbd). But then it is a
long journey of 77 pins and 81 bowlers down to Boys McKraken at 162. And in between those 2 you’ll
find Mitch, Tso, Hand and Thunder. So that mid-level depth is what gets them a lot of points as they find
a way to squeak out a win. I think Tommy and Tilt win some points. But not enough this evening.
Thunders team made some ball changes lately, and they really seem to be paying off for them. Thunder
had a huge week last time out, and Tso turned a corner as well with a huge game. Speaking of Tso, he
sometimes doesn’t get a lot of ink in the lines, so allow me to give you two truths and a lie about this
guy:
1. He is a bit of an octopus addict. Here is an amazing Octopus video that maybe only he will love:

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2. His dreadlocks aren’t real! This one is surprising. They started as dread extensions, but then he
decided to keep them and grew his own hair out a bit, and now he is simultaneously a balding
guy and a long haired freak. Don’t believe me about fake dreads?:

3. He can do a standing backflip.

So many other lies I could write, and even a couple of truths, but that should suffice. The lie will be
revealed at the end of the lines.

The Vice Squad (-1) v. Dolla Bets – This should be a close one, with both teams having pretty similar
profiles. They each have an ace (Roadhouse and Cerrano). You’re welcome Roadhouse. They both have
a lot of dudes with solid averages (Burt, Sticky and Hot Gravy for the Vice Squad, and Natro, Fake Natro,
and The Cleaner for Dolla Bets). But only one team has Sea-Town. And I think she is the difference, and
Vice Squad gets the win.
Here are The Vice Squad boys getting some dinner before the match, I love how Sticky offered to order
for Hot Gravy and Burt:

Murder of Crow (-3) v. Vintage Thrust – Crowbar has the only team in the Nut Conference with a team
average that starts with a 7. Not too shabby. It won’t be easy, but they get the win tonight.
Vintage Thrust is led by 2 dudes who know a thing or two about Vintage things. G-Force and Mr. Florida
are a couple of the elder statesmen in the league, and they also bowl way better than the rest of their
team. Here’s G-Force taking care of business on the train:

That’s right, he bad! Unfortunately, it’ll be G-Force getting beat up tonight on the lanes.

Truth Hurts (-1) v. Denim Vajean –Truth Hurts took inspiration from everybody’s favorite tune of the
summer, they got some groovy logo made, and are looking very solid this season. Squeaky G has been
leading this team in both average and back alley makeout sessions, something that must make Tango a
little bit sad on multiple fronts. Don’t sweat it, Squeaky, we’ve all been there. Well, actually, almost
none of us have been there. And that sound you hear? That’s the sound of her not calling you back.
Denim Vajean has Splinter, and he is crushing it as usual. They also have Spare-O, someone who
Chernoblayne drafted to roll a much better average than her, only to find him below her in the stats
page. Oh well. At least he and Xander are getting a lot of golf in:

Phish Bowl (-3) v. The Dream Team – Hakeem’s dream team has been more of a nightmare this season.
Any team that loses to Thunder’s squad knows what I am talking about [Rick Vaughn looks in mirror and
nods].
Phish Bowl has Duke Thunderwood, all that guy does is roll 200s. And a 2-handed Squatch is right up
there in average also. That’s makes for a solid 1-2 punch, and should get the team plenty of points.
The Dream Team scored a huge win when they drafted Spare Me. She’s killing it, and will hopefully be
enjoying rolling in the All-Star game tomorrow. Couch of course will battle, but in the end will come up
just short…..classic Couch. Unless Sparetime goes off this evening, I see another win for Shooter and
crew.
Did you know Duke was a massage therapist?

Hey now!
Comedy to close:

Tso’s dreads are real! The guy can do a backflip! He really does love octopuses!