Happy Halloween! I’ve got all the games today, and I’ve been up since 5, with the first three hours spent listening to variations of this ‘joke’ told to me over and over while I propped my eyes open with toothpicks: “No! Daddy, daddy, wait. When the chair is awake, we don’t make noise, when it’s asleep we do, HAHAHAHAHA! Is that funny daddy? Wait, wait. I mean, when the mango juice is awake, we DON’T make noise, when it’s asleep, we DO! HAHAHAHA”. So, at least he’s got my razor sharp wit.
A couple of teams are playing doubleheaders tonight, meaning their seasons wrap up already. Man, time flies. A lot of games, so expect some half-assed lines. Good luck out there!
Six Tits (4-5) -7 vs The Dream Team (2-7): The Dreamers are playing out the string with their doubleheader tonight. Despite Couch’s early season dominance they never really found their rhythm. They can play spoiler, however. A win by Dream would put a huge dent in the Tits’ playoff hopes. G-Boi and Lala have rallied their team back into contention. They control their own destiny now, two wins and they’re in. Can they get past a Dream Team with nothing to lose? Here’s G-Boi and Lala being two short of their team name.
Any Given Thursday (5-4) -1 vs Truth Hurts (4-5): This is another game with major playoff implications. Truth Hurts finishes their season tonight – two wins and they’ll be in the playoffs. They might get in going 1-1, but if they lose early the pressure ramps up for their late game. Diesel’s team missed an opportunity last week to contend for the division crown, but a win tonight still likely punches a playoff ticket. Here’s Heartbreak Kid getting his Halloween costume for Christmas last year.
Schnitzengiggles (7-2) -5 vs Vintage Thrust (6-3): The Schnitz can all but wrap up a division crown tonight. Crackerjack is having a very solid under the radar season with Deputy eating up all the attention, even having one more 200 than his Captain. The Dep-Jack duo should be able handle the old pro duo of G Force-Mr. Florida. Thrust can afford a couple losses and still sneak into the playoffs, and a division title is out of reach, so not much riding on this one for them. Here’s some more thoughtful analysis of this matchup.
Big Dills (6-3) -5 vs Whiskey Shooters (3-6): The Nut Conference had some real separation this year and the playoff teams are close to set already. The Whiskey Shooters are just looking to have a few laughs and roll a few strikes before they turn their attention entirely to BoPo 2020. The Big Dills are a strong playoff team looking to at least skip the Wildcard round. Cleveland has been their ace, but Phil Frames, Jailbait and Lil’ Picke give them that whole .mid level depth’ thing. All Day Lemay will take some top points, but ultimately the Dills win and both teams would be missing a golden opportunity if they didn’t do a round of picklebacks.
Vice Squad (3-6) -15 vs Aperol Splitz (0-9): Even getting all 15 won’t make any difference for the Squad, so this game should be fun. Costumes, no stakes, waiting on a lucky train – old school BoPo. No need to break down the bowling, but here’s Shark ripping $1,000 from poor Brad Miller.
WEST SIDE: Go Flock Yourself (5-4) -5 vs Dolla Bets (6-3): The only two teams with 700+ averages in the Nut Conference are both 5-4.
Go Flock U has climbed back above 500, they’ll be fine. Dick Du Jour even practiced this week, and I think Sparkles’ bicep is reattached. Dolla Bets is missing Cerrano tonight, which can’t be good. Side note, Cerrano is moving to The Oddballs for BoPo 2020, and Strikes of Hazzard are moving to Thursday B. Anyway, bet this one like it’s already been played. Or, don’t.
Magic’s Gathering (5-4) -5 vs Cakeballs II (3-6): Ok, Magic’s playing with fire a bit. His team should be fine, and once they make the playoffs they’re as good as anyone, but they need at least one win in the next two weeks to punch that playoff ticket. I think they just take care of business tonight. Gunz should rise to the occasion vs Buck but after that it’s a big drop. Here’s a visual representation of Magic playing with fire.
Walter (7-2) -3 vs Yes is More (4-5): YIM had a season saving win last week, coming back from 7-3 down with Farmer and Rick Vaughn both out of town. It doesn’t get any easier, and they do have to del with having Farmer back in the lineup, but they are still alive. Here’s my tip. PLAY WHITMAN 3! Walter’s team is still in first due to a head to head win of SNE. They’ll need to win out to hold the spot, and I think they just might. Here’s Whitman trying to carry the team on his back…look out below Farmer!
Strike Is Right (5-4) -1 vs Shirtless Fuckers (3-6): Big game for the Strike crew, need one more win to lockdown a playoff spot, and attendance is iffy in the final week. Ding Dong and crew have had a handful of big games and are capable of beating anyone. Ruby will get some points but I’m confident in a narrow SIR win. Here’s a Shirtless Fucker on the Price Is Right.
Is that you Cilantro?
Spared No Expense (7-2) -13 vs Dr. Thunder’s Revenge Tour (2-7): Glossy’s team is ridiculous, as predicted. Their top 3 are all over 200 in average. They’re just waiting for Walter to trip up. Meanwhile Thunder has abandoned his tour, leaving his team in the hands of others. Here’s Mitch Cumstein going to Thunder’s house trying to get him to come back for the last few games of the season.
Denim Vajean (7-2) -3 vs Phish Bowl (5-4): The ‘Bowl picked up a big division win last week to stay right in the thick of the playoff chase. Meanwhile Denim Vajean lost, but then saw both team behind them in the standings lose. They can wrap up a division title tonight (surprise, Chernobes has another Draft League division title). PhishBowl needs one more win to lock up a playoff spot but have a brutal finishing schedule of Vajean and magic’s Gathering. Here’s what Shooter is seeing when he is at BoPo night – or anywhere, really.
Murder of Crows (5-4) -3 vs Titans (3-6): I’m fairly sure that this being a late game, on Halloween no less, means no Precious. No Precious probably equals no win for the Titans tonight. The Crows are significantly stronger than their record suggests, and Halloween is Nut Sauce’s favorite day of the year. Here’s her team celebrating after clinching a playoff spot tonight. Get that fake shit outta here!
Baeside Rollers (8-1) – 13 vs Hole Package (2-7): This is a bit of a mismatch. Cheese got another 299 last week, and had the whole Bayside crowd on the edge of their seats. His team is crushing everyone and are serious title contenders. The Hole Package would be in the running for team of the year if Draft League had awards. Alas, the are just partying out the string. Expect them to be very, very loose. Sorry West Side randos. Here’s Holden talking to the non-BoPo bowlers on the West Side.
Truth Hurts (4-5) -5 vs Dream Team (2-7): Season finale! Truth Hurts is hoping to play in a couple weeks in the playoffs, Dream Team just wants to have one last party. Here’s a bizarre montage of Hakeem looking back on his 2019 season.