So, we have a writers consortium going by the pen name Mr. Greenpants that teamed up to bring us Tuesday B lines. They are presented to you below, unedited.
Strikes on Tap vs. Budweisers
Prediction: Strikes -8
Defending champs and only B team to average over 600 will continue to look sharp this year. Scrapper is always on and Cleaner somehow gets strikes even though he can’t see shit. The Budweisers will come to party, but that’s where it stops. Strikes in 2.
Hey, Cleaner…you made the news! – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdWhiGeUsKQ
Brooklyn Hookers vs. Bowl Trolls
Prediction: Trolls -1
The Fuge is most likely too busy in his basement watching B-grade Jar-Jar Binks hentai porn to print his own team’s tee shirts. But with Savvy back to carry the team on her shoulders, they should be rolling well. Trolls should pull out the win. That said, it’ll probably be on a technicality.
Here’s Fuge getting ready to print shirts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FDWPy6Xiwg&app=desktop
Wrecking Balls vs. Ball That
Prediction: Wrecking balls -8
Swanny practices 5 days a week and still sucks. Despite that, the Balls should wreck the just ok Ball That.
Highlight reel of Swanny practicing. You’ll get there one day man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp_LfyyArrE
Burners vs. NED
Prediction: NED – 8
Don’t expect much out of the gates from The Burners. Shooter’s been too busy eyeing plane tickets to Thailand to bask in the sun and hang with ladyboys to pay attention to bowling, and the rest of the team is too stoned to know BoPo has started. Burt and Mark Roth were hammers through draft league, expect him and Don Carter to get along just as well.
Here’s Shooter the next day in Bangcock – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm4xaUE8AlE&feature=youtu.be
BARE vs BILF
Prediction: BARE -6
Sticky is “sober” for the month of January – good luck with that, asshole. Newcomer Garlic Jones (real name) recently got a new address, it’s 58 Alder St. The fucking guy lives here. Expect an energetic season start from him. BILF is looking like their usual abysmal self, so expect another year of wet farts from them. Monday DinaMoHum gets as drunk as Capt. Spare-O did on NYE, and Tuesday’s no exception to the rule. Both teams will party, BARE will win.
(2-10) Mindz vs. Whoomp (2-10)
Prediction: Mindz -1
Two worst teams in the league come to slap it out, W goes to Mindz after sporting a total of 69 points last season – nice. They get the win.
This game is going to hurt to just to watch… here’s a preview – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se3PzljmCtI
Splitz Happen vs. Splits AF
Prediction: Splitz Happen -3
Nice team name Nurp, you really tried on that one. Super creative. Shifter’s back. He’ll find a way to fuck it up, per usual. At least the creep can drink, that’s about all he has going for him. With a late start expect Splits AF to be absolutely cocked before the game even starts. Splitz Happen takes this one.
Here’s Shifter on the drive home – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dBiZEUssjU
Incredibowls vs Poultry Ass
Prediction: Poultry Ass. -3
This matchup contains 2 of 6 teams to finish 8/5 last year. GoT will be another year older, which means he’ll probably be asking to turn the music down even more than usual. That said, expect boomer and co to roll as well as they always do. However, Poultry Association should be rolling well, too, and got the nod in the power rankings this week. Should be close here, expect another year of win trading and paltry bowling – but this one goes to the Poultry A(h)ss.
Here’s God of Thunder, well, fucking always – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut3jqRlElOM ….whatever, Boomer
….Oh, and fuck you, Squatch