New Writers

So, we have a writers consortium going by the pen name Mr. Greenpants that teamed up to bring us Tuesday B lines. They are presented to you below, unedited.

The time we all wait for to arrive is here.  For some of you, it’s already begun.  For the rest, tonight is the night.  BOPO XIII IS HERE!  Fuck yeah!  It’s been nice seeing everyone lately. Hoards of teams rumbling through the door in the past weeks. Bowling bags in hands, smiles on face, bets with Holden secured, excitement in the air knowing the 4 month long party is about to begin. This shit is better than all the holidays combined.  Christ, better than sex! (I’ve seen myself in the mirror, and it takes me longer than 3 minutes to bowl a game)  I’m not new to Bayside, but am to writing the lines.  A sorta long time listener, first time caller situation. I come here for the fun, for the community that is Bayside, and of course to party!  I love bowling, almost as much as partying.  Watching the ball that felt good from the moment it left your fingertips react down lane, hooking into the pocket at just the right time – pummeling first the headpin, followed by the cacophony of 9 other pins erupting into the pit.  Thunder yelling “PUERTO RICO” for the thousandth time of the night.  Fist bumps and high-fives for days. Fucking bowling man, doesn’t get any better. Being able to come blow off some steam, drink some beer, and bullshit with friends is awesome.  I’m thankful to be a part of all of this.  All of that aside, I know the world I’m stepping in by writing lines may change a few things.  I want to preface what you’re about to read and see, with, what was and will be written is to be taken with everything but seriousness.  There was no malice in heart when writing these, it’s all in good fun.  I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did writing them.  Good luck tonight!!!  Tip your bartender, and turn that fucking music up!
Mr. Greenpants

Strikes on Tap vs. Budweisers

Prediction: Strikes -8

Defending champs and only B team to average over 600 will continue to look sharp this year. Scrapper is always on and Cleaner somehow gets strikes even though he can’t see shit.  The Budweisers will come to party, but that’s where it stops. Strikes in 2.

Hey, Cleaner…you made the news! – 

Brooklyn Hookers vs. Bowl Trolls

Prediction: Trolls -1

The Fuge is most likely too busy in his basement watching B-grade Jar-Jar Binks hentai porn to print his own team’s tee shirts. But with Savvy back to carry the team on her shoulders, they should be rolling well. Trolls should pull out the win.  That said, it’ll probably be on a technicality.

Here’s Fuge getting ready to print shirts

Wrecking Balls vs. Ball That

Prediction: Wrecking balls -8 

Swanny practices 5 days a week and still sucks.  Despite that, the Balls should wreck the just ok Ball That. 

Highlight reel of Swanny practicing.  You’ll get there one day man.

Burners vs. NED

Prediction: NED – 8

Don’t expect much out of the gates from The Burners. Shooter’s been too busy eyeing plane tickets to Thailand to bask in the sun and hang with ladyboys to pay attention to bowling, and the rest of the team is too stoned to know BoPo has started. Burt and Mark Roth were hammers through draft league, expect him and Don Carter to get along just as well. 

Here’s Shooter the next day in Bangcock –


Prediction: BARE -6

Sticky is “sober” for the month of January – good luck with that, asshole. Newcomer Garlic Jones (real name) recently got a new address, it’s 58 Alder St.  The fucking guy lives here. Expect an energetic season start from him. BILF is looking like their usual abysmal self, so expect another year of wet farts from them.  Monday DinaMoHum gets as drunk as Capt. Spare-O did on NYE, and Tuesday’s no exception to the rule. Both teams will party, BARE will win.

(2-10) Mindz vs. Whoomp (2-10)

Prediction: Mindz -1

Two worst teams in the league come to slap it out, W goes to Mindz after sporting a total of 69 points last season – nice.  They get the win.  

This game is going to hurt to just to watch… here’s a preview –

Splitz Happen vs. Splits AF

Prediction: Splitz Happen -3

Nice team name Nurp, you really tried on that one. Super creative.  Shifter’s back. He’ll find a way to fuck it up, per usual. At least the creep can drink, that’s about all he has going for him.  With a late start expect Splits AF to be absolutely cocked before the game even starts. Splitz Happen takes this one.

Here’s Shifter on the drive home –

Incredibowls vs Poultry Ass

Prediction: Poultry Ass.  -3

This matchup contains 2 of 6 teams to finish 8/5 last year. GoT will be another year older, which means he’ll probably be asking to turn the music down even more than usual.  That said, expect boomer and co to roll as well as they always do. However, Poultry Association should be rolling well, too, and got the nod in the power rankings this week.  Should be close here, expect another year of win trading and paltry bowling – but this one goes to the Poultry A(h)ss.   

Here’s God of Thunder, well, fucking always – ….whatever, Boomer

….Oh, and fuck you, Squatch


8 thoughts on “New Writers

  1. Hysterical, Mr. Greenpants. Well written & funny clips. I sure hope we don’t get into a Slap Fest with Whoomp tonight…but we sure will have fun!

    Disco Cosmo – Mindz in the Gutter

  2. I dress better than Carvey though…Well played. Im on my way to Disney so wont be there , but love the shoutout!

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