Lines from Mr Greenpants
Writing last week’s lines was fun; this one was a blast, too. Sucks Cleaner won’t be able to read them…on account of his blindness and all. Hey man, at least you’re still OK at bowling. And, look! Made the friggin news again … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBBTwQ-86v8&feature=youtu.be Word on the street is Holden Green is writing the lines. This rumor perpetuated by none other than Space Farmer, who is having a dry (damp) January. That guy wouldn’t be able to complete a 1 day sober streak…shit he forgets what he wrote for lines the moment he hits send! He focused in on one thing, and one thing only and ran with it – the word green. But hey, who can blame the guy, I’m high as shit right now. I digress! Holden Green? Write the lines? Holden would fail a first grade spelling exam, how the fuck is he going to write the lines? The only lines Holden has ever been able to do are usually best done off a hooker’s ass, or in a locked bathroom, or both! It all depends on the situation, I suppose. Holden Green is not Mr. Greenpants, and Mr. Greenpants is not Holden. Fuck that guy. All jokes aside, please enjoy your Tuesday A lines!
Bingas (1-0) -11 vs. Off Constantly (0-1)
Gutter Boi started week 1 off strong ripping a 266. Then pulls a Holden (fuck that guy) and bowls a 110. Douche. General Sao should do well this year—cutting those goddamn dreads off should increase his agility a bit and starting off with a 202 average should help. About time the guy looks presentable. Off constantly coming into week two with a shitty enough pinfall average that would get them a loss against the alcoholics that comprise the Howie’s Pub team in restaurant / brewery league. Bingas will take this game without too much trouble.
Here’s G Boi and crew celebrating the breezy win at Howie’s, who knew he was so good at drinking games … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUf1SbW441U
Saucy Posse (0-1) vs. BEER (1-0) -6
The defending champs are looking like a steaming pile of shit. Getting Nut Sauce back will help, but someone get these guys a few shovels so they can start digging their graves now. They lost to the New Average Bros (BTNH), and we all know their ‘L’ streak is going to ride out for the rest of the season. Hungus showed modesty and discipline in week one by only rolling himself one game, but all that went right out the window when he pushed his own game back to Thursday due to the college football championship he and Farmer will be attending (go Clem). Christ, I sound like fucking Thunder rambling on, blowing by punction marks left and right and not making any fucking sense (fuck that guy). Anyways, BEER gets this one easy. Facing inevitable defeat, nothing more to do other than crush some Don Carters and have a fun night.
Quite the talent you have there, Nut Sauce. I really dig the opening cheer … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkSCq6CXh18 … Lucky man, Splinter.
Oddballs (1-0) -9 vs. Skol (1-0)
Oddballs curbstomped Sharks & Strikes last week, ringing in a 772 average. Good on Cerrano for bailing on that heap of shit team Strikes of Hazzard. The dude went 13 deep, landing him a 279…doesn’t need to make sense, go fuck yourself. Skol pulled out a big win last week against XXX Club, but it won’t be enough to not be shitstomped by the Oddballs. I’d talk more about Skol, but nobody gives a shit about a boring ass team that doesn’t know how to party. Balls in 2.
Sorry, Skol. Here’s a video apology … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci91bf1cPfs
Sharks & Strikes (0-1) vs. Sons of Danarchy (0-1) -15
With the moves SOD made over the summer, they’re fast moving towards where Strikes of Hazzard went last year, 1-12. So that means this one should be in the books before shoes hit the lanes. But somehow, this is the upset of the week. Sons of Danarchy pulls away with the blowout in this one. It’s bound to happen given the team of boozehounds that are Sharks n Strikes. Holden should be taking bets for whose liver is going to shit out first. Deputy and Sparkles drink so much, they need to butt chug to even get a buzz on. What do you think the fucking Flabongo is for? White Russian…well, the name says it all. And, of course, Dick, who is 2 buckets of Truly away from just saying fuck it and getting his own Truly IV bag. Enjoy the only win of the season SoD!
Neat warmup routine, Sharks, ya cunts… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEoOh9wNsKQ&has_verified=1
Shake n Bake (1-0) vs. XXX Club (0-1) -3
Classic BoPo matchup: Fake Yahtzee vs. Turkey Club. Should be a good match, provided Squatch doesn’t bust out that piece of dog shit two handed throw. I’d rather watch someone jump in front of a train. So fucking ugly. Bowling like a normal person the dude was a King Shit runner-up, then the brainless twat decides to go two handed like Holden!?!? Fuck both those idiots. XXX Club is coming into week two, 0-1. Tough to see when the team has Bucky, the best goddamn bowler in the world, but last goddamn person you’d want to get a beer with, unless you want to catch up on Dungeons and Dragons. Nerd. This game’s a tough call, but Fake Yahtzee loses, all on account of Squatch (fuck that guy).
For those of you who haven’t seen Squatch’s bowling, let’s have a look… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr34i9kluGQ