New writer for these, who chooses to remain anonymous (for now). Always glad to have new blood
Wow! I knew I missed BoPo but didn’t realize how much till Opening Night! I’ve loved following the lines over the years, this is my first time writing them! I like the ghost name of Mr. Greenpants, might ask Hungus to sign my predictions later this season but for now I’m digging keeping it anonymous!
What a start to the season, I was told this was an easy pattern to score on but 10 out of 16 teams averaging over 600 a game?! I don’t care what you say, that fucking fun!! Not a single team from Thursday B averaged 600 after Week 1 haha- losers…
Few observations from Opening Night: 1) I think I speak for all over-achieving Tuesday bowlers when I say: “What the fuck… its 4 PM and Invisible Hand is just starting to oil the lanes?!?” Come on Hand, your work doesn’t open till 4 and you can’t have your shit done by then?? Can’t lane oiling be started at 3??
And second observation: How have I never heard of a ‘dry January’?? Is this one of those new viral internet fads? I heard an unhealthy amount of bowlers say they are doing a dry January- Haha, more losers… How can you party while doing a dry January?? Well, dry or not- a fucking beer frame is a FUCKING BEER FRAME! Do your duty as a teammate, even thought your too stupid to enjoy the fun of it all. If you don’t agree, just throw strikes!
Good luck in Week 2!! Tip your wonderful waitstaff!! And lets fucking ROLLLLLLLL!
Hookers (1-0) -5 vs. Burners (0-1)
Talk about tough start for the Burners, they get two top teams to start the season. I don’t know why I only have Hookers winning by 5.. LL Cool J and Goose started the season on FIRE. Should be a blow out but I expect a little fight from Burners, especially with the early game. Shooter might win some points if he does one less dab in his pre-match ritual.
Budweiser’s (0-1) -3 vs. Bowling Stones (1-0)
One of three upsets tonight, it was a great start for Splits Happen last week, wait I mean Bowling Stones. I agree with team name change, we can’t have two teams named Splits in this league, but I hate the Rolling Stones. Bones and Triple G are good, but not that good. I expect them to come back to Earth this game and big nights from Sir Marks and PMixx to get Buds into the win column this week.
Splits AF (0-1) -1 vs. Strikes on Tap (1-0)
Second upset tonight and Tuesday B Early Game of the Night! Defending Champs started where they left off last year! Probably didn’t hurt that they were on lanes 9 & 10 and got a front row seat to stare at their banner all night. Rookie team Splits AF had a rude welcoming to BoPo with tough loss despite huge games from Nurple and Shifter. Why Nurple didn’t play all 3 on opening night should be a crime, if he does play all three tonight- Splits AF wins in a squeaker.
Bowl Trolls (0-1) -7 vs. NED (1-0)
Third upset tonight! Despite sporting B’s best individual average and second-best team average; Trolls lost by five on opening night. It has got to be a kick in the gut for Trolls to bowl so well and lose so bad… I think its going to be a long season for NED with the loss of Spidey. They got lucky Week 1 with the Burners matchup, I expect their luck runs out and they suffer second biggest blowout in B tonight.
Wrecking Balls (1-0) -10 vs. Mindz in Gutter (0-1)
Biggest blowout in B tonight- Nuff said. I will say this about Mindz; they know how to PARTY!! Funnest team to bowl against! (Is ‘funnest’ even a word? I’m not sure but I know Mindz isn’t…) Swanny and Dude lead the way in this match, but I’ll be disappointed if Mindz don’t pick up the bottom points each game. Gotta grab points wherever you can! And Xander, 148?? You’re better than that..
B.A.R.E. (1-0) -2 vs. Incredibowls (1-0)
Tuesday B Late Game of the Night here! Tonight’s only matchup between undefeated teams and it looks to be a good one. Garlic Jones was a great pickup by BARE, after one week he’s sporting third best average in Tuesday B. Not sure why Incredibowls always plays the late games? Should give them a home court advantage of some kind because no one likes the late games. Advantage or not, its not enough to get the W. BARE by two in an exciting match tonight!
Poultry Assoc. (0-1) -5 vs. BILF (0-1)
Only game between two winless teams. Poultry had a Cinderella season of sorts last year. At the time I thought it was mostly luck, we will see this season. BILF is good for two things: making drunken fools of themselves and an easy source of points for their opponents. Look for that status quo to remain the same in this one, Poultry wins easily.
Whoomp (1-0) -3 vs. Ball That (0-1)
Whoomp, my favorite team in BoPo! No offense to everyone else. Actually, I hope you take offense, and fuck you if you do! Whoomp started this season off on the right foot with a win. I predict another win in this one. Has Whoomp EVER won two in a row?? Hot start or not, Johnny Castle needs some reinforcements if they ever want to contend.