Week 4. Tuesday A
I guessed wrong on almost every match last week. So I’m not very good at predictions but at least I’m funnier than Thunder. Let’s get right into it.
Bingas (2-1) -3 vs Shake n Bake (2-1)
This is the only early A match of the week. This makes sense though. Both of these teams deserve to bowl next to a bunch of bum B leaguers. Bingas gets a timeout for blowing it against Bowl Thugs last week and Shake n Bake has Squatch on the team. Love you bro. At least you’re cooler than Glossy (most overrated bowler in BoPo). Get your head out of your ass dude. You’re bowling worse than Sticky Fingers is right now and that guy is fucking terrible. Lala and Tango are coming off of a poor showing at Sundays MIST tournament. Way to pull a Holden and just give your money away. Bingas started the season hot but blew dick against a bunch of rookies. Embarrassing. Hey General Tso, I heard you get offended when you are not mentioned in the lines. Get over yourself bro. Tso and Jammy J roll big tonight. Gutter Boi falls off a cliff. Cookie rolls a 300. Bingas wins. Chernobolayne spits some bars after the match.
Here she is. Kobe verse…
Bowl Thugs (2-1) -1 vs O.C. (0-3)
As I mentioned, Bowl Thugs is coming off of a huge win against Bingas. Brown Michael Cox had a couple big games. Cleveland was a little bit off but still did his job. Hot Gravy came through clutch, getting his point in game 3. And Jail Bait is a complete nut job who is mediocre at bowling. Next time you get a chance, just watch him on lanes. What the fuck is going through that guy’s head?? Also, just don’t let the kid take any shots. He is guaranteed to puke, little bitch. O.C. is C level team right now. They eat asshole, and not in the cool way these millennials are doing nowadays. Ask Jail Bait about it. That all being said, I think they snap out of it this week and actually bowl well. Even though they lost in two they had a promising finish in last weeks game. Jr. Hoss was trying to get his second brick. Nuber looked less crippled. Natro has been bowling solid but losing dollar bets on horse races. Cunt Chocula (great name) is contributing nicely. Coco rolls big and gets her points in this match but won’t be enough to top the Thugs.
Here’s Natro trying to get in Cleveland’s Head…
Saucy Posse (1-2) -15 vs Sharks and Strikes (1-2)
Saucy is coming off of a roll off win vs Leisure Rolls. Ugly ass match, as Side Salad would say. Fuckin Losahhhs!! Nut Sauce and Walter are obviously good bowlers and T-Mater Sauce is solid but the rest of their team is nonexistent. These guys will need some help to get any more wins this season. Guess what, they get it tonight! Fuck you Sharks! I hate your guts. Ten Pin rolls well tonight, the rest of you suck. That’s all I have to say.
Here’s Sparkles and Deputy fighting over who can drink more…
Turkey Club (1-2) vs. BEER (3-0) -3
Turkey Club continues to show it takes more than the best bowler in the world to win. You guys have Roadhouse! Maybe you’re getting too old to party. Let’s just assume that, and not that you just suck. BEER has been rolling well. I won’t say any more because it’s still early in the season. I’m sure their new slogan will not turn around and bite them in the ass at all. All in all this will be a decent match to watch. But BEER gets the win.
Here’s Karl and crew throwing it down on the lanes… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OWfUku5mvg
SOD (1-2) vs. Skol (2-1) -9
My two favorite punching bags. Well, other than Squatch – but that’s well deserved. Fuck, and Off Contantly, too. They’re one loss away from having a car party that involves a hose and exhaust fumes. Despite my shit talking, Skol is looking strong this year. I wish I could say the same about SOD. Plagued by some questionable roster changes, SOD is looking about as sad as me after my most recent STD screening results. You win some, you lose some I guess. Skol has no trouble getting this one in two.
Here’s what Skol would look like after the win, if they partied that is… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73srAkpc2rA
Oddballs (2-1) -11 vs. Average Bros (2-1)
Ah yes, a crossover match where Tuesday welcomes the beloved bastard of a day – Thursday. You fuckers from fake Tuesday are the worst. Wanna be partiers that can’t handle a hangover on Wednesday, and like to constantly fucking remind us of it. Jesus, get over yourselves. Granted, Thursday A is better than Thursday B. Thursday B is a division only a mother (Hungus) could love. Peace and love, peace, and love. Oddballs takes this one without any trouble. Enjoy the hangover, suckers.
Here’s the Average Bros in a press conference speaking on why they suck so much… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ3m5jQKLU8 (worth the 3 minutes)