B Lines From Sgt. Hulka

Well we are a quarter through the season.  The Standings have settled a bit, some team’s averages are rising, other teams are sinking, tanking even.  There is 8 or 9 more weeks to go in the season.  Every match, every point, every frame matters.

To those of you that just finished your Dry January experiment – WELCOME BACK!!  I understand that the Dry January is probably a personal triumph, but it has been a little dead on the lanes this past January compared to years past…  Where has the partying gone??  I’ve seen some sober zombies out there.  Obviously, alcohol is not needed to have a good time, but it is definitely needed to PARTY!!  I’m stoked to see all you drunks back in action!!

After the first quarter of the season I want to give a shout out to Hungus for the dope DJ’s he has brought in thus far.  I want to give a shout out to Invisible Hand for having the lanes oiled by doors open.  We all appreciate that!!  And lastly a shout out to the amazing waitstaff that keep our Don Carter flowing!  Remember to tip your waitstaff!!

For those of you counting – My record picking the lines is (15-7)

SFC Hulka



Strikes on Tap (3-0) -1 vs. Wrecking Balls (4-0)

Tuesday B Game of the Night here.  Wrecking Balls has had a nice start their season, against mostly the bottom of the league.  They’ve had a couple tests against Stones and Ball That, but tonight we get a glimpse of how good they really are.

Strikes on Tap picked up where they left off last year, sporting highest team average in the league and quietly racking up wins and points.  Problem is they’re too quiet!!  Last year Strikes on Tap wins B Championship, get first ever B trophy and then no-show’s the BoPo Ball?!  That’s fucking lame..   I didn’t realize how much that annoyed me till just now… haha.

I got this match ending in a nail biter, but now I hope Dude and Xander go off big to knock off Strikes.

Whoomp (2-2) -3 vs. B.A.R.E. (2-2) 

Whoomp upset Poultry last week!!  I’m so glad I was wrong.  Got another tough match tonight against BARE who I got to say; with the addition of Garlic Jones in the off season, hasn’t lived up to my pre-season expectations.  It’s a long season though.

Congratulations to Sticky Fingers on the addition to his family (his sister just had a baby).  I heard from a nurse friend of mine that upon his arrival to see the little one, the entire birthing center reeked like Sour Diesel haha.  Had staff running around yelling code green.  I guess that kid better get used to that smell quick!

I got Whoomp in another upset this week- I ask again as I asked in Week 2; Has Whoomp EVER won two weeks in a row??

Bowling Stones (2-2) -5 vs. Mindz (1-3)

It’s been a tough couple weeks for Bowling Stones, first a grueling loss to their old Captain and then gets throttled by a hot Incredibowls team last week.  By team averages this should be a blowout but we’ve yet to see Stones string two solid weeks of bowling together.  H-Dawg and K-Train have had a slow start and need to get it going.  I think they both do tonight.

Mindz in the Gutter received an ass kicking of their own last week.  A fall back to Earth after their amazing upset of Bowl Trolls.  Mindz may have the league’s worst team average but they are streaky and scrappy!  Welchie San has not seen the increase in his average from last year that his teammates have.  If he gets it going, Mindz can quietly grab some points and start to be a contender.

West Side GAMES (7:30 PM):

Brooklyn Hookers (3-0) -7 vs. Poultry Assoc. (1-3)

Hookers are on a tear; they haven’t really played anyone but that wouldn’t matter because they are crushing in team average.  They lose two 160’s bowlers, one of them a female and get better??  Classic addition by subtraction but where the hell did LL Cool J come from??

Poultry Assoc’s only win so far this year has come against last place BILF.  Their team average has dropped by 15 points every week.  Literally 15 points every week (613, 597, 580 & 567).  That’s not a good sign- Classic sophomore slump syndrome.  They are going to need to change it up quick.  Perhaps ham sandwiches?  Maybe meatloaf?  Anything to stop this slide.

I got Hookers continuing their dominance and winning this in two.

Bowl Trolls (1-2) -5 vs. Splits AF (1-3)

Trolls are back!!  They killed it last week on the West Side lanes with a 670 team average night.  No Montezuma’s revenge for the returning bowlers.  Which is a good thing because there’s enough shit on those lanes to begin with.  I think I saw some dust bunnies fornicating under the 1-2 ball return a couple weeks back!

Splits AF just can’t by a break, despite sporting two top 25 Tuesday B bowlers, they just can’t find their way to wins!  They’ve lost their three games by combined 6 points… rough.  It won’t get any smoother for them this week either as they run into Trolls that have a team average (when their team is here) of 662.  That’s best in our league right now!  Shifter and crew keep it close enough and take it to the third game, but it just won’t be enough in this match.


Incredibowls (4-0) -3 vs. Burners (1-3)

Burners have also had an incredibly tough stretch to start the season.  Other than playing last place BILF (Burners only win) by team average- they have played the top three teams and now they get number 4!!  On the other hand, unlike Poultry Assoc, Burners team average has steadily increased each week.  That bodes them well as after this week greener pastures await them.  Get it??

Incredibowls have earned their 2nd place standing.  Top three team average and undefeated.  Haven’t exactly played the top teams in the league yet but when they do that team average should set them up for success.  I’m interested to see where they can go this year.  But seriously.. who the fuck wants to have all late games on Tuesday nights???

I really like the Burners.  They are streaky, they are fun, and you get contact high if you bowl against them!  I want them to win this match, but I just don’t think they have the firepower to do so.  I hope they prove me wrong.



Budweiser’s (0-3) -3 vs. Ball That (2-2)

Budweiser’s have come up against three top average teams themselves.  I still think they got a raw deal playing NED after they had a full 3-game match.  Has that ever happened?  They can blame Trolls for that one, but it is what it is.  I believe that Bud’s absolutely must win this match.  It feels wrong to make that call so early in a season but if they want to have any chance to play for a big banner.. or even a small banner, I think it’s ‘do-or-die’ time.

Ball That is another team that has improved their average each week.  It’s not hard to do when you start the season with a 565 but let’s stay focused on the positive here.  Well that’s about all I have for Ball That, I don’t really know much about this team other than I think it’s hilarious to watch Twinkle Toes bowl LOL.  And I mean that in the best way!

This is a very close match when looking at team and individual stats.  I predict that it’s gonna come down to the tenth frame of Game 3

NED (3-1) -11 vs. BILF (0-4) 

Another classic “best vs. worst” game here.  Well not literally; BILF is last but NED is 5th.  I think you all get the point.  BILF is only averaging 557 a game and 4 points a night.  That about says it all right there.

Bandit is on fire with the best average in Tuesday B.  I would expect nothing less from a brick earner!

NED wins in two.  Not much else to say here.

3 thoughts on “B Lines From Sgt. Hulka

  1. Hulka, if you would like to clean up the approaches on the west side before your next match, be my guest. I won’t pay you, but I promise the tooth fairy will make you rich before you finish. At least the lanes are oiled. Maybe.

  2. Stoner move forgetting you have a bag of dank in your jacket pocket. Whoops. Welcome to the family, kid! …. Hulka, I can’t believe you just called Rick Vaughn a nurse! Ice cold

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