My Balls – Tuesday B: Captain – Barry Violet
Over the last 8 years, Bowl Portland has been a slowly growing force of nature. Outgrowing the confines of Yankee Lanes and establishing itself as the premier bowling league in Bayside as Bayside itself has become the premier bowling center in Maine. One of the original teams has not shared the same trajectory as their host and some of the other league originals. This team has zero banners and has never won a prestigious team accolade from Hungus at the Bowling Ball. They were probably the first team to be sent down to the B league when the divisions were made and some might say that they should be moved into the C division whenever that is established. They don’t practice and half of the team still uses house balls. They are an afterthought. Just forget about them. They are your discarded receipt from that date you went on with whats-‘er-name. You don’t remember their name, you barely remember what happened, conversation was bland, and the bar tab was negligible. But wait. The one thing you do notice when the night is up is that you were stuck holding the bag and your team just added another loss to your record. Come Sunday, when you are watching your fantasy league team results filter in, you will realize that you picked wrong, both in your fantasy league and in league bowling. My Balls just eeked out another win. In fact, they rarely lose. The guy with the brick just took down your top bowler, the house ballers managed to pick up enough pins to make it worth it, the ladies smiled, danced, and chatted your team up enough so you lost focus, the new guy did what he had to do so he won’t be cut mid season, and that other guy just sat back and concocted line ups and match ups to make it worth the hour plus drive. Have fun playing with My Balls, they are sure to enjoy the experience
Turkey Club – Tuesday A: Captain – Roadhouse
We began our first season with house balls and house shoes shortly after Bayside Bowl opened its doors. We started our bowling careers at Bayside Bowl and no one on the Club has ever bowled anywhere else, ever. Bayside for Life!
*Undefeated while sober
*E minor is the most depressing chord to enter your ears but he’s the most exciting asshole to take $20 from you on the lanes
*Bora Bora rocks the high kicks on the back swing and is always good for a few choice dance moves should the music permit
*Koops, the unassuming assassin, is our resident spy and will learn your secrets, high scores, and FOULS while she holds down the front desk and hands you your house shoes, fool.
*Roadhouse… I thought you’d be bigger.
*Herk, always hard.
*Turkey Club beat Chuck Norris in a bowl off!
*The Club turkeyed in the tenth to beat ISIS.
*Most molested mascot to date (most ass I’ve had in awhile!)
*Best balls in the league
*Team of the year
*Rookie of the year: Bora Bora
*Sparkplug award: Herkaleez
*Moosehead award for drinking the most Moosehead. Bayside Bowl is the 2nd largest consumer of Moosehead in the country (next to Epcot center at Disney). It’s safe to say that we drank more Moosehead than anybody else in America.
More to come!!!!
One thought on “Team Previews 15 & 16: My Balls and Turkey Club”
No Ted I said buttplug.