Therzdae

Your fearless prognosticator Oakie is on a bye this week, so that got me to thinking….what do BoPo’ers do on their byes?? For me, I think it’s a great view into people’s non-BoPo life, never know what your fellow rollers may be doing with their time away!
This week, TDYOB will try to forget their game 3 494 last week with some skiing in Colorado, scoping gators in Florida, staring at the art of Jackson Pollack, having snowball fights, and maybe squeezing in a little bowling (can you guess which one’s not true?). Also on a bye this week will be Bad News Spares, who will spend some time away from the lanes fighting for justice (Motion To Strike), heckling siblings on underperforming BOPO teams (La Striking Senorita), and partying at Grittys (Smoke A Bowl).
EARLY
A note about early matches. Wow, those are a struggle. You have to start aggressively to catch a buzz before you roll, so right off the bat you are setting yourself up for trouble. Then you keep it going during the match because, heck, it’s early! Then you hang for one more to watch the start of the late matches, maybe grab some food. Next thing you know you are out just as late as an early match, but you got to the lanes 2.5 hours earlier….ooops! You end up rambling on like this guy (tell me you havn’t seen this on a Thursday night at Bayside)…

#LateIsGreat
LOS (-13) v. Bowled and Beautiful – B&B got a win last week thanks to some steady rolling over way-to-hammered TDYOB. LOS rolled LOS-type scores, and cruised to victory over one of the many teams in Thursday A that have no chance against them. I expect that to continue this week, and they may even give Shithawk and Alley a couple games in this one. We just hope the floods of last week don’t wash out Nugget’s scores.
BUI (-3) v. Tattoos and Titties – I mean, at some point BUI will pull their shit together and roll the way they are capable of, right? I predict this is the week that happens. Happy Feet Pete has been rallying, and G-Unit is too good of a bowler to stay a 151 guy. G-Unit spent his bye week changing diapers and finding the charm in getting crapped on by his child. Same with Hexy, who is trying to find the silver lining in her son Duke Thunderwood crapping all over mom’s bowling team with scores like a 90, and zero 200’s so far. Hexy, you do the stats, throw the kid a bone and give him a 200! Speaking of poop, this is a real video for a real company:

The Tattoos and Tittles crew always are a blast to roll against (Team of the Year candidate?), and you know they will buy whatever the shot special is on Thursday, and likely buy more than one round of it. Their positive energy is fantastic on the lanes, but averaging 557 won’t get you many wins no matter how fun you are to bowl with. The fun will continue, and so will the losing for T&T.
Guacabowle (-3) v 5 Finger Discount – Don’t sleep on Guacabowle…they are a tight bunch with many people rolling well, led by Mitch Cumstein and his huge scores of late. He has been climbing the Thursday stats up to fourth now, and can wreck your team’s night with his two handed roll. The ladies of Guac are killing it, with Bonita fighting to keep Salmoning alive, and Ruby Canary rolling great. Mitch Cumstein and Dick Whitman spent their bye week buying a bar, which should serve as inspiration for us all to take advantage of your week off, and do something positive for your community.
5 Finger also does positive things on bye weeks. They brew beer, market beer, and also drink a fair amount of beer. Word is they also attend poetry slams and sometimes do performance art. None of which will help them in this match. Here is footage of Sundown’s latest performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kwyihYaIp4
Roll Another (-5) v. Granola – The Silent Sparrows that are Roll Another will notch another victory in this one, and I don’t think they have much trouble in doing so. Their 80 pin advantage in team average tells me they have little to fear, except a) too much too fast (after all, it is an early match!), b) flash flooding in Bayside, or c) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQcKRBPm2UM&list=PLWUagoeqmhs7r_2QGP9kgn6ZsuFP-mcIN
Pinny Candy (-1) v. FC Portland – Sometimes early matches are just what a team wants, and Pinny Candy’s efficient rolling will overcome the banners, noise, and mediocre rolling that is FC Portland. Pay Day has been leading the charge (again) for Pinny Candy, and I think he edges out Oolie for top point twice and that’s the difference in this one. I’m rooting for Tangerine to be there to battle 100 Grand for the all important bottom points in this close matchup.
Party Mix (-1) v. Pud’s Taxi – If you were to look at the standings, this would be seen as an upset, but Party Mix has a slight edge in team average, and the squad has been seen at the lanes practicing a bit…safe to say that the addictive hooks of BoPo have been sunk into this crew. Party Mix will get to meet and roll with some old-school Bowl Portland folks in this one, and maybe they can learn the official Bowl Portland handshake from Sharkey….what you didn’t know there was a BoPo handshake? It’s pretty easy to learn, be sure to greet Too Koops with it on Thursday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-d0m8W1XEk
LATE
GOB (-1) v. Urea! – Guns of Brighton were able to christen the West Side lanes last week against Leisure Rolls after a scheduling snafu had 7 early matches scheduled. Word is there were some 200’s in the match, and they were able to keep up the party a bit over there. GOB does not have any bowler who can keep up with T$, but they do have a lot of that coveted “mid-level depth” that will make this match come down to the final frames of game 3. Purple Nurple, Jon Moon, Holden Green, Invisible Hand and Seatown are all rolling within 10 pins of each other in average, and will need one of them to step it up to get a win. Who will be the Urea! team hero and get to spend the bye week sending texts to the team about how they aren’t going to practice because they are rolling hot?? My guess is C Murda, who will be spending the bye week in Indianapolis next week scouting future Miami Dolphins at the NFL combine, sending detailed analysis to Adam Gase that he will never read. Newsflash C Murda, your team does not know who Adam Gase is.
Y&B II (-7) v. Leisure Rolls – The lost and found at Bayside always ends up with some interesting things, but mostly it’s a lot of resin bags and towels. I think Pistol Pete has raised the ante on leaving things behind at the lanes, with his bowling bag having gone missing….How do you misplace this? Was it a byproduct of an early match turned late night? That’s the excuse Thunder is giving for leaving his warmup pants and white jersey behind, but I think Pete must have a better reason than that…Leisure Rolls have big news, with Deadliest Gatch getting married this Friday! Congrats my man, I guess you got engaged prior to wearing that coconut bikini and changing your name. This crew will be busy trying to buy congratulatory shots for the groom-to-be (and for themselves) to worry too much about their bowling scores, and the result will be a loss to the Thursday A favorites.
Touch My Xcitement (-5) v. Lion’s Den – Touch My Xcitement have 3 bowlers who can take over a match any given Thursday. Lion’s Den have a Djembe. Das Ducken has been trying to carry them all season, but La Gatita is a tough matchup, and Touch wins this without too much trouble.
When Lion’s Den started 2-0, Rick Vaughn would send the standings to folks to see their names atop the Thursday A teams….haven’t seen too many of those texts lately. Ricky spent his bye week rolling in the All-Star game and attending Portland Museum of Art fundraising galas. The rest of Lion’s Den spent their week inventing excuses why they couldn’t attend Portland Museum of Art fundraising galas. As Capt. Caveman’s favorite author Oscar Wilde said, All art is useless.
Lesbowlians (-5) v. ICBING – I don’t care what the records say, I think the Lesbowlians are the second best Thursday B team. Not sure how they got 2 losses, but I can’t see them getting loss #3 against the ICBING army. They have a better team average, and are actually out there trying to win.
The Lesbowlians planned their bye week for mid March so they could hit the spring break scene in Bimini. ICBING is thinking of hitting Chuck E. Cheese’s on their bye. Advantage Lesbowlians.
****GAME OF THE NIGHT**** A battle of unbeatens for Thursday B supremacy!
DHD (-5) v. Happy Hands – DHD is definitely the Thursday B team nobody will want to face in the playoffs. They have a ton of solid bowlers, and are being led by Rookie of the Year Candidate G-Force. The guy is likely the oldest dude in the league, and is showing all the youngsters how to roll with a 190.8, 3rd best on Thursday. On top of that, he is at the lanes almost as much as Double Cheese, killing both beers and pins at an alarming rate. And probably the best part is that he is slaughtering San Diego in average. Just crushing him.
Happy Hands are 5-0, but have a team average 70 pins lower than DHD. I’m not sure how they will keep this close unless Chunk and Marv Gomez have huge nights.
With this win, I see 12-0 for DHD. By the way, DHD spends bye weeks practicing bowling….hmmm, wonder if that’s their secret?
Cunning Linguists (-1) v. Bowlderdash – In looking at the stats, tough not to notice Maddog from the Linguists, he has a top 10 average for Thursday, yet zero 200 games! That’s nuts, we have a Thursday bowler in RamRod who has a 200 with an average in the 120’s! Really, Maddog? Let’s get a 200 this week.
I predict the upset this week in this one, and foresee a huge week from Magnus. The dude was the star of PBA week last year in his lumberjack gear, and this week he lives up to his namesake as the world’s strongest man and rolls a couple of 160’s to make it happen for the Linguists.
However you spend your bye week, remember….Safety First!