Oakies Lines

Okay Cupid I got it from here. It’s Oakie time, so here I go, kick it. All Oakie does is eat, drink, shit, and bone:

Okay time to do, sorry, time to write some lines:

Fudge and Lucky know the time they know who keeps me smiling. Cupid and I have been tasked to forecast B Finals (Oakie didn’t know there was such a thing), 2 v 2 finals ladies and dudes, and the illustrious about to be awarded to a team that brought in a ringer unlike any other the league has ever seen since Dr. Thunder, motherfucking BoPo champions 2017!!!!! #HANGABANNER

Jesus Christ when did Farmer and Thunder move in together? No offense to Jesus!
But I gotta have me my boats and hoes, PLEASE SHUT UP!!!!
Here is Munson when he found out Thunder was taking 2015 off:

Before I can talk about where we are going I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about from where we came. This was the 10th year of Bowl Portland. Oakie didn’t start hanging out until year three 2010. When this league started Oakie was 33 years old. Oakie looked like Brad Pitt in Troy, now Oakie has no hair, the hairs Oakie does have are white and gray and Oakie somehow gained 20 pounds (#allmuscle), and for 8 years Oakie has been having more fun on a Thursday night from January through April then Oakie has ever had since being in college. No offense to those that didn’t go to college. You didn’t want to, I did, I got stupid fucked up and beat people at shit everyday before entering the real world:

Our first year there were 12 teams, I think the high average in the league was 150s and OC won with the former Dick Liquor registering like a 38 in ten frames from a freaking wheelchair (#clubberlang) and they won 10-0 and OC will tell you they are the baddest team ever. They never won the league when anyone had an average over 200. Shit that may just be true. I love OC old school team that has added people and literally has 7 of their inaugural team members. Second year Bingas brought in the first ringer ever #DonutJerk, they stomped the shit out of everyone Tuesday to finals. Undefeated. Booth, Diesel, Valley Girl, Mango Mike, Jamaica Jerk, some I am sorry to be forgetting? PB&J???? Oakie says shoutout to PB&J, that’s a person I miss. That’s what this league is about the opportunity to meet people that would have never entered your lives and fall in love with them as people and widen your social circle. Who’s house, run’s house?!?!!?!?!? Year three BINGAS rain of terror continues, until BEER takes them out in galactic bowl with a blind Hacksaw (#TomRichards) 233 up in their grill. This is knowledge. Oakie is dropping it. Get to know your history:

2011 first year in our new clubhouse, OC takes the banner, boring, #secondtitle; here is Number One after second title when he still had hair:

2012 Booth, Diesel, Valley Girl get another one, Dentist, Natro, and Coco get their first #Walkaways XXX Club gets their first final loss in their first year and wins the much coveted Team of the Year Award. XXX Club took the league by storm and survived Thunder’s 235 first game of semis go down 4-1 weather the storm win 10-5. First and last time TDYOB ever makes the semis and those fucking losers won’t stop talking about it. This was Thunder back when he used to strike:

Farmer after the same loss:

2013 I think it was BIB, the guy that oiled the lanes won, surprise surprise, #2Bricks. Talk about bringing in ringers. A ringer brought in two all time great BoPo ringers and double champs in GBoi and Bama, Peanut Gutter fell in the gutter warming up for their 2 v 2 title. Classic peanut gutter:

2014 LOS, water frames and benching Shithawk was all the rage. Nah, Precious, Stiffy, Coco, Alley, Hawk, and Cheese smashed the hell out of the league and won the league and earned it with a lot of hard work. Welcome aboard bro:

2015 BIB again, Brooklyn replaces #2bricks and they win again, everyone hates a winner:

How are all those people there watching this fucking guy?
2016 Yahtzee, Cheddar gets title #2, Tango becomes an ace, Sparkles gets the biggest fucking head we have ever seen and Rotini becomes a pin killer. Superman was on the team too. I had these guys taking it again, it ain’t easy. Great team, these cats will be back.
Sparkles after they lost:

Here is Railroad after S+S lost round 1:

So back to the future, here we are. 2017. Let’s get to it. You can’t know where you are if you don’t know where you are from. There is a reason we all got taught history in school:

Sorry only don’t be stupid clip I can find, and obviously from some 50s flick you know how they had those anit-proganda movies back then:

DHD -6 versus Budweisers: Speaking of old wooden ships time to forecast the B Finals. I can’t believe I spelled Budweisers correct because you know what I don’t drink the shit. Here Buds are Friday night warming up for the match:

I don’t drink Moosehead either. What the fuck is Oakie talking about I will literally drink anything you put in front of my acorn. Who the fuck has an Acorn as a mascot. When this mascot dreams, he dreams he is Cheddar. Two banners, MVB, future BoPo Hall of Famer and this on Tuesday night:

I got this over in two 8-2 DHD. Bud had a great year, Ric Spair may have had highest series of the season and rocked 15 X in a row over 2 games. Then didn’t have a 200 the rest of the year. This crew gets loose and looks to smash pins. DHD smashes pins. Skinny Skeletor is my favorite rookie of all freaking time. Great guy, super nice, super cool, gets what it is about and has one of the nicest rolls I have ever seen. If this guy isn’t rookie of the year it is 100% age discrimination:

This cat and Doc Moose rocked pins all year. S Kingpin stepped in shit, Corn Nut, Lil Pickles, Hark, and Fern made up one of the most close knit teams of the year. Not to mention they knocked off the defending champ throwing down unreal scores. They were all there practicing today they want this and they will have it. Sirs crew will fight but DHD has only 1 loss this year for a reason and as Kingpin said tonight, “If we don’t win it will be the worst greatest season of all time.” Didn’t someone say that guy was a writer? After they win Fern asks Kingpin for a glass of warm milk:


It’s 2 v 2 time speaking of just the tip we have Sparkles and General Lee -1 versus Glossy Mexican and Railroad: Sparkles is still drunk from PBA week and that isn’t even a joke. He didn’t come Thursday so maybe he has dried out enough to hold up his end of the bargain. Sparkles is a pin killer and his partner is hot as hell right now. Coming off a nice showing in Roth Holman doubles and smashing a 233 on Thursday. Slow and low that is the tempo. Railroad also looks like he hasn’t recovered from PBA week, but the dude always looks like that:

Jesus, Oakie has lost his shit. I think I even heard Farmer ask Seatown, creepily ask Seatown about this today. Anyway Glossy is hot and came one point from (still feel ill from the let it flow song, sorry about that guys it’s Friday night and like every other night of the week Oakie is making bad decisions) making the finals. But ITZ played himself, and well the rest is history. Only chance I see for this not to happen is if Sparkles and Shooter get into another shared sink argument:

I see General Lee and Sparkles take this one. So yes another year of Sparkles shitting all over everyone with hardware to back it up:

Ladies 2 v 2:
Coco Lopez/McStriker (-1) versus All Day (300) Lemay/Kelly Kablowski: This one is a hard one to handicap. Kelly was in with energy dude Black Morris putting in work tonight according to my sources. Who the fuck is Oakie kidding, I was there drinking at the bar, hit the bricks pal:

Coco and McStriker are consistent. KK is ever improving and All Day can put up a 300, we all know that she has the brick to prove it. This will be an all out war and I for one cannot wait to watch! Going to be great watching these #babesofbayside smash pins. Hard to handicap I see this one going right down to the wire. Alternate ball bowloff would be great! I expect high scores and lots of love in this match:

Don’t forget that shit right there. Wow Oakie just found out Paul M is left-handed. #mindblown
Here’s Thunder and Farmer when the wall got taken down in the old bar:

Here we fucking go:

BoPo X finals is here!!!!!!!!!!
Saucy Posse (-3) versus XXX Club:
Here is Roadhouse coming out for the finals:

Right after that Hot Sauce gives Splinter this speech:

This guy has zero chance of being the voice of anything.
Then Walter tells Beef this:

Two team of the years square off in a matchup a year in the making. Saucy an original team with only one original member eligible for the playoffs due to unforeseen circumstances or it would have been two #pray4Walter takes on 2012 upstart XXX Club. Between the two of them in 2016 both teams brought in three of the biggest ringers the league has ever seen:

Buck Ripcord and Master Splinter are two of the best male bowlers this state has ever seen. Oh and guess what Saucy also got one of the best female bowlers the state has ever seen. So you know what? Fuck the rest of us. Back to back final appearances for the Club, and here is Walter giving the team a pep talk before finals:

And all those ringers fit in like a glove. Not OJ’s glove, that thing didn’t fit. Holy shit the prosecution fucked that all up check out the FX miniseries fantastic best miniseries since V:

I’m sure they come in peace, then you find out they are lizards in human’s clothing and everyone is straight fucked. What a day! Back to the match:

Both these teams are awesome. Super fun and crush pins. Buck and Roadhouse can battle Nut Sauce and Splinter all night long. E and Herk can throw down with Hot Sauce and Beef Strokingoff (#brotherly love), here is Beef and E Minor after Saucy wins, Beef is hold E’s “hands”:

Bora and Koops are battle tested but they both are going to need to in their A game to beat Splinter, Nut, Beef, or Hot Sauce and I’m sorry ladies because you know I love ya to death, but you gonna need to bring your A game to make that happen like your 200 A game, good luck Godspeed:

And if it doesn’t happen who cares, come on lets smoke, lets get drunk, lets fuck, get loose:

Wow that is an all time classic! XXX Club versus Saucy both worthy champions in our 10th year, yet:

I expect this match to have it all the smooth rolling of Buck Ripcord, the huge hook of his rival Master Splinter the pin assassin Nut Sauce, Bora Bora doing her shimmy shimmy coca puff as the pins go down, Koops rocking out getting loose and throw another 180, Herk and Hot Sauce wearing Brooklyn out like Dick Allen wearing out Cheddar, Beef smashing shit from the left side of the pocket, E Minor having absolutely no fun, T Bear, Kathy Nash, Uncle Po Po and Walter bringing that family love that Saucy Posse has always been known for. This is BoPo they will put on a show and we will all love it. Good luck to both we all envy you:

Now we all lose 10 to 50 pounds and long for draft league:

Is it 2018 yet?!?!?!!?!?!
Oh yeah this is Thunder, you don’t like it who cares because I’ll tell you this man:

Letting people push you around:

Oakie out!

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