Oh baby, so good to be back doing lines again. I love doing lines. Cupid here, and as always I am bringing the love for some BoPo fun. For those of you who roll on Tuesdays, Thursdays are always more fun as we only have 1 day of work to fake our way through after bowling. Let’s get this party started!

In case you didn’t see it, bowl offs are now baker-style, so I personally am rooting for at least one of them opening night!


Southpaw (-1) v. Double Cheese – What a surprise, Double Cheese rolls early. This will be a tight one, as both teams have some studs, and both teams have some duds (I’m looking at you, Dentist).  

Double Cheese has some of Cupid’s favorite names on his squad, with both Titty Bangbang and Ram Rod on board. There are so many things I’d like to say now, but I am really trying to clean up my act this year…

But seriously, the 2 lefties on Southpaw’s squad (Southpaw and Yao) will be the difference. Everyone is getting used to being back at the lanes, and these 2 can figure it out together and crush one of the twin towers…they even made up a song about how much they love each other because they are lefties…

Squatch v. Nugget (-3) – Someone did tell Squatch the point of the draft was to pick some good bowlers, right? Ooooh, they didn’t?? Well, prepare to be crushed. Nugget’s team is too much for that crew, and it doesn’t matter if it’s Peanut Gutter or the ringer guy bowling with Nugget. Nugget has some Sharks and Strikes vibe going on with Railroad and White Russian, and Squatch has Couch. Look for Jon Moon to do his favorite moves on the couch….sit on it in his boxers. Scratch his nuts. And fart. Advantage Nugget.

Xander v. Spidey (-3) – You know, I like that Spidey guy. Cool cat. And he definitely picked up a fun crew, especially with Train Conductor and Holden Green. Of course he also picked Sparkles, so might want to pump the brakes on that whole “fun team” thing. Xander used two of his first three picks on ladies, netting All Day Lemay and Bonita. We’ll see how that strategy works out for him, as Spidey has Shooter McGill and Sally Bowls to counter that plan.  

Spidey’s got too many bowlers who can go big, and at least 1 or 2 of them will, and that’ll be the difference in this one.

Hexy (-5) v. Rufio – It’s an early match, so Hexy will have both Crackerjack and Precious for this one. (Hexy, best to roll Precious games 1 and 2 so he can get home early….he thanks you in advance). So instead of the twin towers, having those two is more like Abbot and Costello. Here we see Precious helping Crackerjack with his bowling fees for the season:

Rufio picked one of those new ringers in Rev Lord as her first round pick. Don’t ask me, I don’t know him either. But I do think rolling early will be better for the newbies than rolling late. Generally will be less tomfoolery going on early, so they should be able to roll reasonably well.

A public service announcement for whoever is rolling late on this lane pair: Know you will be starting late, as Mr. Mayor will be rolling in this match for the Hexy crew.  

Look for a comfortable win for Hexy.

Roadhouse (-3) v. Nut Sauce – Nut Sauce, this is draft league. You are supposed to pick new people so you get to know more of the league. Picking BoPo teammate Walter in the first round is a nice gesture, but come on! You did the same thing Roadhouse, picking Bora Bora. For shame.

Huge congrats to Roadhouse’s first round pick Soccer Dad for rolling a 300 earlier this week! Big score, higher than the lifetime highs of both Roadhouse and Nut Sauce (and pretty much everyone else in the league). Say what you want about Soccer Dad, but this guy does not take a shit on a 300. And you know the fact that he has a brick and his brother Dentist doesn’t must drive Dentist nuts. In fact, here is what Dentist did when he heard the news.

Brandy (-5) v. Duke Thunderwood – I am predicting huge things from this Brandy team. A strong wig game, for sure, but also piles of wins. In fact, they are my pre-season pick for champion this season. Super solid squad from top to bottom, and that T-$ pick in the third round is a huge steal. And speaking of taking a shit on a 300, they also have E Minor.

Duke Thunderwood went with Doc Moose, who won a title as a fourth guy on a team last year, as his first round pick. Picking San Diego in the first round is sort of like sticking a fork in a toaster…..not smart. And then he picked his sister! Oh brother (pun intended), this team has some things to figure out, but first they learn a tough lesson in dealing with a loaded Brandy team. This one’s not close. At least they have Mokiki on the squad to bring some of the Lion’s Den fun to Thursday night.


Yep back by popular demand, like a phoenix risen from the ashes, Oakie everyone’s favorite Thursday Night Celebrity Bowler is back to drop some lines on your head.

Shit yes, Thuuuuuuuurrrsssdaaaay!!!! Let the BoPo dance party start anew!

Dick Whitman (-1) vs Rick Vaughn: Dick has an eclectic group and Rick has one person (G-Unit) that wants to be on his team. Word on the street is Koops asked Farmer to trade for her before Thursday night after laughing in Farmer’s face after the draft when he offered. Farmer was like sorry we had a team practice already enjoy “your shit season!” Oakie thinks that is a tad harsh, but this is Rick’s team pregame huddle:

Word is Mitch wanted out to but didn’t have the heart. Rick’s a party machine he will make them a team and they will win games they always do but not tonight. Dick Whitman jumped in during the 11th hour to become a captain. He drafted three solid BoPo bowlers Slugga, Das, and Keglinger all bowlers capable of putting up big scores. Das was overheard at the draft saying, “Thank God I’m not on Farmer’s team again!” Yikes. Badger and Shooter are new names. Badger is a young looking dude that has been putting in work. $100 says he is injured and out after pulling a Bowldemort week 7. Dick over Rick! You can bet this one like it’s already #beenplayed.

Viking (-15) vs Cheddar: Viking’s team will ruin opening night for the Dead Chedds. These hippies are going to give Thunder’s shitty team from last year a run for their money. They will have fun losing, but they will lose a lot. Viking on the other hand will win almost every freaking week. Did people forget Roo was good?!?!?!? Dude got drafted after Mokkiki, no disrespect to Mokiki but he isn’t Roo. Heart Break Kid is a 225 waiting to happen. Kid rolls with two hand heat and shits on his brother Brooklyn on Facebook every God damn day, which I love. Nurple, and significant other extreme discount on Vikqueen 4th round. That won’t happen next year! Bullet rounds out a very strong squad. Love the vibe that the Dead Chedds will be putting off, lots of fun folks on that team but they better get used to having fun while getting killed all the time. If you want advice ask Thunder:

Holy hell what is wrong with that guy? Dude is trying to start another Cold War.

Cupcake (-5) vs Big Party: Do not sleep on Benny Hill and crew. Big Party will bring the party. This guy brings so much party to the lanes that he had to trade Rubby’s so his squad would not OD on the Big Party Vibe. Sign Oakie up!!!! But, Cupcake has a monster team. She took Bayside Bowl heartthrob Gutterboi, guy learned from the best may he rest in peace. Gets North Paw second round he crushes pins, Fisher Price just won free bowling for the ladies and Cleaner and Strike Tyson are two solid mid-level Gatchesque type bowlers. Well, without the coconut top. No offense to coconut tops. Party made a money first round pick in BoPo favorite G Force. Skinny Skeletor is honored to be the third pick in the draft. He just retired from the PBA, probably wears Depends and is going to crush pins once again. Guy is a pin assassin. Pins are all standing around and then:

G Force crushes pins, Stiffy is a strong ass number 2 who may be in for more big partying then that water frame little guy can handle. Solid and fun squad top to bottom. I just see Cupcake having the advantage as GBoi lives at the lanes.

Glossy (-15) vs Too Much Too Fast: Glossy is missing the match and they will still sweep. BoPo missed it big time letting Mama D fall to like 32. That is insane. This lady will rock a 180-200 average this year and is already in for the 6 shots for $20. Welcome to the league. She just went to the top of Thunder’s draft board for 18. Glossy also got a huge “I don’t know this guy” discount on D $ who they say likes craft beer and now they have three rollers capable of averaging 190 plus. Magic, Boys Mc and SeaSchellz, are you freaking kidding me favorite alert. Farmer drafted three guys that used to be good in Diesel Booth and Bomb Pop. He did get a major title holder in Kelly K, and then got Beaujolois who he technically harassed in the lines last year depending on how you read the lines. Personally I don’t read the lines. Farmer has been hot, but if he is your ace you are in for a long year. His team will have the best shirts in the league though. Oakie guarantee.

The Management (-3) vs Deputy: Hungus took the captain reigns from Slow this season and went after the Corsican Brothers. When these guys aren’t seen submarining OC they are doing this:

Fuge dropped some big scores in Monday Beerframe practice and Taygod has been seen taking lessons. #Slowinskialert. Deputy’s squad has a not recovered from team of the year award second place Lil Dick of the Day, you know he is confident. He always is:

After that they got Twinkle Toes, Luna, Sad Julien #backbypopulardemand, and Corn Nut rounding out the Deputy’s squad. Tough one two punch they will get rowdy, crush some pins and have a good time. I just favor Hungus and crew on opening night. Hungus seems reborn with another BoPo season sprung anew and is putting in work to show he is still one of the top dawgs in this league. Fun opening night match!

Samsquampch -3 versus That’s My Son!: Good news for Thunder’s new blunders is that he is out of town. That gives Jerk and Burt three games each. Bad news is Sams, Tango, Tilt, and Captain Insanal are about as a good a 1-4 as there is in the league. Sams squad is a darkhorse. I think the Thunderless sons show up and battle to end of game three but they fall short as Side Salad crashes and burns like Icarus on opening night. Jerk will have a big night and Burt and Pickle will score in the end I give Tango et al the edge in the battle of the betrothed with Sasquamch going against his lady Gutterlicious on the other squad. Also it’s gonna be:




8 thoughts on “Lines

    1. You take anything in the lines seriously you will have a long season despite your won’t last long 190 average.

      1. I’m looking out for the two new people on my team (including a new bowler) who saw that before walking into week 1. Not exactly the best introduction to the league. And my 190 average will at least stand for a week – which is a week longer than your 190 average 😉

      2. I’m fine with being a sleeper and running under the radar. Worked well in the 3 vs 3 summer league. Going for back to back ‘ships here.

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