All Oakie

Cupid is dropping a kid at college so he won’t be able to butt-hurt anyone this week with his biting lines. Look when it comes to lines if you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen!!!! This is BoPo talk shit or you are shit!
Drunken Noodle -3 (0-1) vs CakeBalls (1-0): In case he hasn’t told you Gutterboy just rocked his second 300 he is now a 2 brick guy like his protégé Stevie Strikes before him and the beloved Cheddar and Crackerjack. Wow apparently you have to find it difficult to hold down a full-time gig to get a couple bricks? CB’s are 1-0 and The Drunks are 0-1 but have a 50 pin advantage. As it is early they will have Has Been and Railroad at the top taking on GB and North Paw advantage Noodle. Also the Peanut Gutter/Has Been think is total BS, but take that up with the commish:

Double Cheese -15 (0-1) versus Das Strike Machines (0-1): Dick W has one of those Thunder type teams that can’t average 600 and should get accustomed to losing real quick. Cheese on the other hand doesn’t have a team name because he is too cool for that type of shit and a 678 team average. Badger getting a rough intro to the league a squad that won’t win a ton but will party hard and a captain that can barely see the lanes. Welcome to the party pal!
Liquid Talent -3 (1-0) versus Never Flush (1-0): Well Squatch’s crew took the lines to heart went out and put up a 700 average and made Cupid’s line on their squad look dumb. But Jesus get some thick skin guys, aww lines hurt your feelings, well here’s one go f yourselves ya bunch of cry babies. Here is Liquid Talent after seeing the lines last week:
And here is Cupid’s response:
Welcome to the lines Squatch and crew, don’t take them too seriously I can assure you we do not. Never Flush got a discount on the shit talking black out walking Sparkles and now they get their second loss as Couch and company throw down on the pins and C Murda goes big due to Irma ruining his NFL opening weekend. I feel your pain kid, but it did save you a loss. Squatch moves to 2-0 and then does this:
Hexy’s Hooligans (0-1) -3 vs. Shnitzengiggels (0-1): Deputy went with noted choker Dick du Jour to give them Dumb and Dumber At the top of their lineup. Dick rolling anchor last week choked away the game to The Management. Apparently he gets anchor duty for the year due to beating the slow drinking Deputy in a chug. Bad news for Shitz. Hexy took a loss with a Precious-less squad last week. Apparently she asked Cheese if Precious was coming and Cheese said it wasn’t his turn to watch him. Well Oakie has confirmed that big tall drink of water will be in the building tonight.
Give me Crackerjackoff and Precious over Dumb and Dumber any day of the week. Deputy’s team is on their way to their second of many losses. The only thing sadder than Sad Julian on this team is the entire team themselves, sad that they will be missing the playoffs that is. Here is Deputy and Dick on their way to the game:
Rufio and the Sauced Boys (1-0) -10 vs The Management (1-0): The Management is about to get fucking fired.
Poor Hungus been saying that a lot more than he would like lately. After tonight Tron could be next. The Crosican brothers got off to 170 starts and Slow Roll leads the team in avg. Fuge had a nice start, but what hurts is Taygod is going for the all time low Draft League average currently at 78. She definitely has a great shot at the record if she keeps this up:
On the other side of the coin Rufio’s squad got off to a furious 15-0 start over curb stomped man bun tool Crackerjackoff. Looks like Rev Lord don’t play, here he is talking to CJ after his 3 200 238 avg start:
Looks like Hungus and crew are next up to feel Rufio and crew’s vengeance. Here is Nuber and Tron after the game win or lose:

Skol (0-1) vs XXX-Men (0-1): Skol will be drinking from XXX Men’s skulls when this one is over. When a team has a 100 pin advantage on another team:
Yep out in the street they call it murder. Xander has a good crew with All Day, GOT, Bonita, Saw and Swanny but they better get accustomed to beat downs. Based on team average I am guessing they didn’t have All Day week one. Won’t matter Skol is loaded with talent despite the 0-1 record have a team average pushing 700. This will be Commander Xander’s theme song by season end:
Winter is Here (1-0) -5 vs. Bayside HellRaisers (0-1): Multiple folks from these teams were in last night getting burn practice on. Hakeem and Big Party looked good as unorthodox as their approach is. Mitch Cumstein was crushing pins. Advantage winter. Holy shit not only did Hakeem and Big P kill G Force’s liver they also killed the poor guys average. G Force will bounce back and Stiffy is off to a nice start but Rick’s squad and there midlevel depth should be enough to dispatch the Big Party. Here is Big Party and G Force playing pool before match:
South Paw’s Rad Team (1-0) -1 vs Hello Friend! (1-0): Clash of the Titans tonight. I had Cheddar and his heavy petting crew all wrong. They have a 690 team avg and covered the spread easily. On the other side South Paw doesn’t have a team name so like in Yahoo Fantasy Football he gets some corny ass name until he gets his shit in gear. His squad sporting a hefty 712 team avg. Daniel Boone (The Dentist) was quick to reestablish himself as the top dawg in the family depsite Soccer Dad’s recent 3hundo with his opening night 250 average. Damn the boys from Cape aren’t here to have fun they are here to crush beers and pins. So don’t expect a lot of partying in this match it will be strictly business in this one.
Border Crossers (1-0) -15 vs Shot Clock Violations (0-1): Shit got real for SCV they got beat by Thunder’s team and if that isn’t bad enough it appears Tango suffered a season ending injury at Sparetime last night. You cheat on Bayside that is what you get, fuck with the bull you get the horns. Tango get better kid. On the other side of the docket Border Crossers escaped a game Too Much Too Fast despite the absence of Glossy Mexican. Well the dig fella is back in the building tonight and a Tango-less SVC spells doom! Here is why Glossy missed the match last week:
Too Much Too Fast (0-1) -2 vs That’s My Son! (1-0): Well Thunder tied last year’s win total in week one, but he wasn’t there so it doesn’t count. He will be there tonight and that hurts Sons because he sucks at bowling. Farmer won’t be there for Too and that helps them because Farmer sucks at bowling. TDYOB thing probably? Bombpop is hot as hell and will get three games so advantage Too. This match is said to be pegged for the party pit so expect it to be a loud one with Too getting by Sons! as Thunder has been shit talking them for a week firing Farmer’s squad up. Side Salad will be the difference in this one rocking a couple low 100s and killing the squad. Here is Side Salad after the match:
Here is Farmer missing the match in Denver:
Suck me beautiful!!!!
Tea with Mrs. McGill (0-1) vs Brady Savages (1-0) -1: This match is about as close as it gets. Two pins separating teams in average. T$ came out hot as hell for the Savages. Roadhouse and crew will begame and this one should go right down to the wire. In the end have to favor Brandy’s crew as Roadhouse has Horcrux and Harry Potter themed names have been a disaster in the past see Bowldemort.

Bumblebee Tuna (1-0) -1 vs Got Wood?: Another close one on paper and I am out of time, so figure it
the fuck out. Tuna’s got two of Oakie’s favorite ladies in the league and I got no clue who is on Duke’s
team so advantage Tuna!

One thought on “All Oakie

  1. Word on the street is Farmer’s squad had changed their team name from Too Much Too Fast to Too Much Two Losses.


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