So, it appears Oakie’s lines continue to irk some of the thin skinned rollers in the league. It even has people wondering why Oakie was bestowed the illustrious honor of doing lines, and that maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to do them. Well:
Also, Hungus is thinking about a no simulated jizz rule. Oakie is just going to be honest with you, if you do this you are a tool:
TDYOB almost cracked skulls back in the day over dudes throwing simulated jizz at their ladies. Clean it up. Oakie once rolled a one while throwing out the first celebrity bowl one Thursday BoPo opening night not long ago. Everybody loved it except Oakie. So Oakie been putting in some extra time on the lanes if Hungus ever gives me the call again I will be ready. So, I went in Tuesday night for some burn practice. It was a gutbomb of a Tuesday night burn practice. Side Salad had girls passing out as usual. Not sure if that means Side Salad has stunning good looks or is a modern day Medusa. Here is Side Salad talking to That’s My Son! after they kill Duke T’s squad this week, and That’s My Sons! reaction:
Now Oakie gonna be on the beach with a few club sodas and posing like Chuck Norris:
The Management (1-1) -5 vs Shot Clock Violation (0-2): The poor schmucks at shot clock are going to get violated by The Management this Thursday night. I don’t see the management being gentle either. Insanal, Sasmaquach, and Tilt have to put the team on their shoulders now that Tango is looking to be out the entire year due to a broken risk from jerking off, although their matches will probably be quicker with Tango not slowing everything down lining up his split. Rest in Peace Tango:
Hessy and Ripper will answer the call, but The Management is sending Nuber and Hungus, here is the Bayside staff, “Watch out guys Hungus is coming.”:
Taygod got called out by Oakie last week for having the lowest average in the league, then she went out and threw down 40-50 pins above average in her two games to get out of the basement. You are welcome Taygod. Here is Taygod after talking to Oakie:
Tron can’t make it this week he went surfing:
Team with Mrs. McGuil -1 (1-1) vs Border Crossers (2-0): Upset alert! Or is it? First off mad props from Oakie on all the great team names and shirts this year fantastic work. People went all out and that just translates right into that awesome vibe and energy that the league has this year and every year. Glossy went all ringers in the draft getting discounts on D $ Mama D and Magic rounding out the team with Boys and Shellz. All that said they dropped 50 pins in team average in a week so maybe the library type atmosphere is getting to the team. I hear a few of the folks on the team like to party. Word to the wise party with the people on the other team because when it comes to partying Glossy thinks Comic Con loaded up on Mountain Dew:
Roadhouse is powering two teams this season, his own, and Thunder’s as House is key to the art on Thunder’s team’s shirts. Word on the street is next late match House has Thunder is sending two pitchers of Moosehead his way for being a good sport about the shirts. House gets up for big matches and this is one, well as big as one can be week 3. Oakie gonna crush Bingas for lunch today at a high level! Soccer Dad is hot as hell right now. Recently rocked a brick. He is far better looking than his older brother The Dentist and he is ready to crush Glossy and his band of non-partiers. Bora Bora always brings the heat and Happy Feet Pete has been hot and he has the same strike dance as Liam in Big Lebowski:
I like Team House to squeak this one out and could someone please get us our first team bowl-off????
Rufio and the Sauced Boys -2 (2-0) vs Brandy Savages (2-0): Wow do not sleep on Rufio and crew. Rufio drafted to win and her team is crushing at a 714 average winning 27 of 30 points, as the Twin Towers used to say, “Prepare to be Crushed!”. Sober bowling may be the way of the walk. Word on street is Rev Lord is straight edge kid with a penchant for crushing coca colas and pins! Sober bowling way of thewalk, nah this is the way of the walk:
let the buddha let the buddha let the buddha get stinky. Rev is 5/5 in 200s sitting pretty at 236. Lookslike it is official this dude can bowl. 8 year olds dude. See Big Lebowski if you don’t get that. This ain’t no one man show though, Tso crushing at a 191 clip and third round pick Pauly strong 3 at 173. Twizzler, Rufio and Animal all over 140. Watch out for this crew. Brandy’s crew ain’t no joke either. They got a large 674 team average. T$ is like “You think Pauly is a 3 rd round discount?!?!?!?!!?” T-cash fell to the 3 rd and is rocking a very strong 195 average. His ball looks great on this pattern. Oakie loves watching that guy bowl, smooth. Their second round pick Gutterslut is crushing a 193 average giving these guys a strong one two punch:
I expect Brandy and crew to make this a game, but I think Rev Lord throwing 240s nonstop is too much for the savages.
Liquid Talent (2-0) -1 vs Skol (1-1):
Squatch put together a solid team that is leading Buck Division in average at a robust 698. C-Murda is aDolphins fan so he must get as much winning as he can from bowling because his piece of shit team hasn’t won a Super Bowl since the 70s won’t be providing any wins. HBK, Viking and Roo will all have to bring it to bring down Couch and crew. Here is Squatch and Couch once they do lose a match and they will:
Here is Squatch at OPT doing karaoke after a win:
Hello Friend! (1-1) -10 versus Das Strike Machine: Cheddar’s crew gave Oakie a rash of shit for week 1 lines then went out and got skull fucked week 2. So, fuck you Cheddar! #DickAllen Das Strike Machine can’t get their average over 600; therefore, they need to change their team name to Das Missed Spare Machine. You want to make money bet Das they don’t win more than 4 games this year. You got McDab simulating jizz all over everyone after yet another open. Slugga and Keglinger are like we are here to crush pins what the hell is going on? Dick is passed out in a corner and Das is like I cannot freaking wait to get back to the jungle, Caw, Caw!!!! I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Dick Whitman was somehow related to the Captan of the Titanic:
You watch it! Yep the Friends will have too much for Das this weekend much to Oakie’s dismay because I love watching Cheddar lose and get beer poured on his head. Fuck you Cheddar.
Name Change Episode:
Xander Commander realized his team name XXX-Men was both false advertising and sexist, and he has rebranded to Happy Hour Heroes. He is hoping this name change reverses their fortunes and he obviously hasn’t ordered shirts. I mean Farmer would change his team name if not for the shirts to Too Many Losses, right now it is Too Much Two Losses, but those L’s will continue to pile up.
Drunken Noodle (1-1) -5 vs Happy Hour Heroes: Drunken has a strong female leadership group with Fart Nugget and White Russian. You know their schwag will be tight and their sarcasm and take no shit level high! Happy Hour Heroes are another squad that have yet to get that team avg over 600. They will struggle in this one. Once Nugget found out 10 Pin Haz Been and Peanut Gutter were a packaged deal and that 10 pin was all early and Peanut Gutter all late she requested all early from Hungus and was granted it. That got her a 228 average full-time and jettisoned the 148 bowler. That is genius. She needs to give Dick Du Jour something for this expert drafting strategy. I will leave that to them. Railroad and Haz Been at the top is formidable to say the least. Here is Roadhouse and Haz Been talking
Xander has a fun squad. He went All Day Lemay round 1 who has to miss some matches due to distance traveled and her schedule. Strong 2 in GOT, and two of the most enjoyable people in the league to share the lanes with, in Saw and Bonita. Rounding out a fun roster with The Dude’s buddy Swanny. Unless GOT rises up they won’t be able to keep pace with Drunken.
Well that’s it, that’s all Oakie has got this week, if I offended anyone:
Oakie over and out: