Waldorf here taking over for Cupid and let me be the first to say, fuck Saucy Posse’s banner! I mean tear it off the wall and bang it, consensually of course, I’m not Republican. Zing. Anyhow Statler and I are going to be sitting on perv row this year looking all old, distinguished and successful and we are going to be getting loose laughing our asses off while shitting on everyone. #themorethingschange #themorethingsstaythesame. If you know what I mean?!?!?! So Thank you Cupid and Oakie, you made me laugh, a lot. Back to Saucy fucking Posse, holy shit has their banner dropped yet?!?!?!? Hot Sauce danced around like a court jester for half an hour before the thing came down, got to say good ol Waldorf loved that shit. I mean honestly not since Bingas brought in Jerk, BIB brought in Stevie, Bama, and GB, not since Strikes (opens) of Hazzard brought in General Lee and LB Davendouche now fucking Rev Lord hope he enjoys losing, which beauitifully didn’t fucking help at all, not since GOB brought in Pickles and Railroad, not since BEER brought in Cheddar, and Gunz, and Herb, not since YB2 went for Cjackoff and Glossy Divorced, not since LOS brought in Stiffy, and SOD brought in Dentist, McStriker, Valley Girl, Dwayne Luther and Couch (these guys need better fucking ringers), not since TDYOB brought in Shifter, has a ringer pair such as Nut Sauce and Master Splinter been brought into the league. The point is Hot and Walter looked like Fools waiting for the banner to drop and quit your fucking bitching everyone A, B, C, D, E, F, G brings in fucking ringers. So ringers Statler and Waldorf say, “Welcome to the party pal!” Now go fuck yourselves no one cares you can bowl well that’s not what this is about.
My God she is here again, sweet BoPo how I have fucking missed you. Here is Farmer when he thinks of BoPo:
Goofy old fucker that he is. The thing is, it’s bigger than a banner. Trust me that is great and all, and Waldorf would stab someone for one, my buddy Thunder went to the semis once in 2012 and won’t stop fucking talking about it, but it isn’t just that. It’s showing up Tuesday night seeing the gang back together, talking to Lulu after a big Wrecking Balls win in which she rolled back to back 99s #consistent, and thinking that is what it is all about. This league always has been and always will be for the people. Everyone can find their own groove in this beautiful league that’s what makes it special and that’s why everyone wants to be a part of it and that’s why Hungus keeps expanding it because we want to spread that BoPo love. Now to start shitting all over everyone again.
Thursday Late (the night the Cyclone Bomb killed):
Thank God this isn’t a podcast or Thunder might tell us what he called Cyclone Bomb in college, God help us. These games may not happen tomorrow but if these teams know what is good for them it will happen because missing a week of BoPo sucks canal water out of my ass. Holy shit having opening night cancelled would kill me if my favorite team TDYOB didn’t play this Friday. #praiseJesus:
This game is actually going down Friday night 9:15 p.m. on East Side:
Gaucabowle -10 vs Lions Den: These days when lions den yells “caw caw” all I hear is “kaka” because these guys suck shit. They have afternoon delight, the das sound machine which is das and her dude, outside of that I really have no clue who is on the team and Rick V has told me a ton, #olddude #waldorf:
other side Guac loaded up brought in Badger a ringer not mentioned above, Jesus, stud bowler on a fun party team that already has guys like Mitch, Cilantro and Sparetime that can do damage, not Dick Whitman though because he sucks. Sounds like maybe some girl decisions up in air some left some new, don’t have the full intel but they kill the Den on opening night.
Leisure Rolls +2.5 versus BUI: Talk about ringers, LT brought in Draft League playoff MVP D$. This large armed man averaged like a 174 regular season then average 235 in the playoffs routinely being 7 deep towards “GET THE PAINT READY!!!!!” Favoring BUI is an upset, that said Snap king of the roof shot, G talk shit never back it up Unit, Duke fake Thunder(wood), Animal, Hexy and HFP they can hang with anyone and prove it every year. Magic and Co think they got the jump on Thursday only to get block knocked off opening night. Early returns are Magic to TDYOB in 19 so this could be a one-year train wreck:
Well Thursday got cancelled so fuck your lines, the above will happen eventually. My partner in crime Statler got his lines cancelled so he wanted to chime in with the following:
With the cancellation of the Thursday matches, I wasn’t able to share lines for Thursday’s canceled matches. But I did want to make my prediction for this year’s Top Dog. I can think of no better way than to have the leading contenders play a game of Slippery Stairs! Watch the below video…the object of the game is simple…be the first to climb the stairs and grab the check. The below clip will reveal my selection for Top Dog. First the candidates: Master Splinter in Yellow; Rev Lord in Blue; Double Cheese in Pink; Glossy Mexican in Green; Crackerjack in Orange; and Buck Ripcord in Red. Let’s go to the videotape…and for those who don’t watch the links in the lines, you must watch these, they are hilarious:
Now that you’ve seen one prediction, please tune into the return of Rooftop Sessions, where this week we will make all our predictions for the season and recap week 1! We will generally record on Sundays and have the episode posted so you can listen on your way to work, then to the lanes, then back from the lanes, then back to work, then running some errands after work, and then home during the following week….and then we will take a break, and then you can listen to the second half of the show. Week 1 guests will be from last year’s champs, giving them one last chance to bask in the glow of their victory before we all try to crush them all season long.
Let’s do the same for the Top Bitch…Your candidates: LaLa in Pink; Nut Sauce in Green; La Gatita in Blue; Mama D in Yellow; Rotini in Orange; All Day Lemay in Red. Nice skirts ladies, here we go:
Okay Statler hardy har har now fuck off and die. On to Friday lines for Waldorf. Hungus has implemented a cool thing this year, that’s a first. BoPo takes over all the lanes every Friday night on the West Side to show the new side of the house what the league is all about. Every Friday at 7 p.m. The Mezzanine will be open for members, families and friends of BoPo to gather and kick Friday night off right and maybe pass the buck or do some heckling on the unsuspecting revelers below. So let’s get to handicapping our Friday Night Lights Matches.
Sharks and Strikes (-3) versus Cape Fear: Talk about constantly bringing in ringer assholes Sharks and Strikes brings yet another one into the fold in the form of old, key word old, MIST legend Ten Pin Haz Bin, they gonna need everything he has with Railroad on Holiday in the Ukraine.
They also sport the Strike FX crew with Dick Du Juor, White Russian and newcomer Fart Nugget. Nugget got kicked off LOS, flirted with Oddballs, but ultimately ended with her Jennifer 8 crush and the Sharks. Also people say she can’t dance, butWaldorf thinks that is bullshit. Her she is crushing it at Bubbas on New Years Eve:
The East Boston Wrestling Team spends more time at the lanes than anyone this side of Gutterboy. Soccer Dad crushed a 300 this fall, South Paw is always dangerous, especially if he has had too much to drink, watch out you don’t get yourself knocked out:
Jesus the boys really left Pip out to dry there at the end of that thing. Cape will be game but as they do on most Tuesdays they will drink a lot of shit beer, keep to themselves and lose.
Ball That (-10) vs Whoomp Spare It Is: The battle of the captains XXX Club no longer wanted. Curse of XXX club killed Sasmqautch this year when he drafted old friend Tango, who promptly got injured from whacking it too much leaving Saamsquatch and crew to get murdered every week. Congrats to Gutterlicious and Sasmaquatch who have baby number 1 on the way, they just found out will be a girl! Lots of babies cropping up all over BoPo. #bangzone. Nice little battle of Tuesday B squads here. In the end I think Ball That has too much fire power for Tootsie and Crew.
DHD (-10) vs TDYOB: Wow these are literally two of the oldest teams in the league. TDYOB signed 26 year old Side Salad and it made their average age drop to 40, DHD has to be the oldest team in the league. Skinny Skeletor is like 90 and Hark and Corn Nut have to be the only members south of 40, let’s hope these old bastards can stay up past 8 p.m. I’ve got TDYOB getting killed in two in this one. KingPin and Fern are somewhere tropical giving the red hot Doc Moose and the always in the pocket G Force 3 games each. TDYOB brought in Mo$ as Sneaky Pete retired for a nice lady upgrade, but after getting turned down by Cheese, Badger and Mama D they settled on Side Salad who literally makes them worse. It will be another fall down drunk 4 win season for the men and women of Bork. Here are Munson, Farmer and Thunder after the match:
Party Mix (-5) versus ICBING: Big changes in ICBING land with the retirement of long time captains Peanut and Clarified Gutter and proud we are of all of them. Fabio and 2 Dogs Fucking take the team into a new era where they drink too much and bowl like shit. Party Mix is led by resident perv Big Party and his trusty I should get free drinks side kick Hakeem Blowyourself. Look if you can’t afford to go out don’t go out, no one owes you drinks because you hang out somewhere a lot in fact be thankful they still let you hang out. They bring in Left Beef, Hakeem’s cool ass lady don’t know her bowling name probably some shit like Princess Unicorn and last I’d heard they didn’t have another lady. Spoiler Alert Buck Ripcord’s sister has joined ICBING and if she rolls like Buck in this one flip the line. Her is Big Party being Big Party:
Well the long wait for the Return of BoPo is offer and Waldorf for one couldn’t be any happier and that’s the God Honest….