First off, congrats to everyone who rolled in the All Star game.  Great new draft format, too.  I love the fact that we do this each year, and was bummed it fell on Valentine’s Day this year…or maybe next year I’ll be single in which case I say the 14th is a perfect night for it!  This annual event is yet another cool thing about BoPo.

It’s the dog days of the season now, where we have reached the half way point (or further) for most teams now, so shit’s getting real.  Over the next few weeks the standings start to shake out, teams have figured out their best lineups, and the B teams will be scoreboard watching to make sure they know what they have to do to make top 4 and get into those playoffs.

Early lines for Statler this week.  Here are Waldorf and I writing our lines and reading the other guys stuff:

A great slate of matches, lets get started.

EARLY GAME OF THE NIGHT:  DHD (-1) v. LOS – A matchup of 2 of the powerhouses in Thursday A.  A loaded DHD team will be without Inferno and Kingpin.  Normally it’s okay when the bottom end of the roster isn’t able to make a match you want to win…but when the “bottom end” of a roster has 5 200’s and averages in the 170s and 160s, you do miss them!  We’re not exactly talking about Salad and Spooky here…we’re talking about Kingpin and Inferno!  DHD is super deep as a team (might be because they practice as a team more than anyone else in the league), and I think it’s that depth that will carry them to a victory.

LOS should have the full squad this week, so expect a heavy dose of Cheese, Precious, Stiffy and #s Vag.  I used to love heavy doses until I went too heavy at a Phil Lesh show at the Nokia Theater in Times Square in 2007…ever seen your buddy strapped down on a stretcher as he babbles en route to Bellevue?!?!…me neither, I was busy losing my mind at the time…but I digress.  Stiffy has been struggling this year, but last week he pulled out the one point they needed in game 3 for an 8-7 win.  It’s early oil, and LOS prefers that, so they will get big scores but not enough points this week.  Here’s how Stiffy and Precious spent the past week since the close win:

Leisure Rolls (-3) v. TouchMyXcite – Not exactly sure what to make of Touch this year.  Uno hasn’t been around a ton, Squatch nearly fell asleep during their double header a couple weeks ago, and that has resulted in a losing streak.  This team is good, though, so they can beat Leisure Rolls.  But I don’t think they will.  D$ and Capt. Insanal will carry top points, and Leisure Rolls get the victory.

Magic was holding down the fort last week at Howies post-game, the guy is a pro partier.  And he has a semi-new lady in his life, and this being Valentines week, I expect a big week from him.  For those who don’t know Magic very well, the guy’s been a nerd lover his whole life, so he naturally targeted our Ivy-Leaguer in Mo$.  The guy even made videos professing his love of some other nerds, including a certain Jeopardy Champion:

All that video earned him was a restraining order, so glad to see he is keeping it local now. #Bork2019

Guacabowle (-5) v. GOB – Guns of Brighton are a long ways removed from their 2 semi-final appearances of yesteryear.  Everyone on the team rolls a solid score, but solid doesn’t cut it against the likes of Guacabowle, so look for Guac to get a badly needed win and move to 3-4.

I bowled against GOB last week, and Seachellz had some nice games.  Holden Green was rolling very well also, he said it was due to his new found buzz management technique of limiting himself to 12 beers (tops) before the match.  Invisible Hand has been keeping it to 6 or less, so they are looking to pull the upset one of these weeks, but when that doesn’t pan out tonight, they will figure out it’s time for a team building retreat.  In the spirit of the Olympics (horrible TV coverage, am I right?), I figured they would try Curling or something like that.  But nope:

Something tells me I never want to see Invisible Hand holding a taser…I’d run away a hell of a lot faster than I did in that shameful race against Tango last fall….rematch in 2018 Tango!

Guacabowle has some big guns on their roster.  Mitch Cumstein has a very impressive 197 average, and is getting a 200 in almost half of his games.  Sparetime has a 187 average.  That’s a good start.  Badger should be better than his 160’s average, maybe the BoPo wackiness is too much for him?  Either way, he’ll be fine and will score some points.

When I look at their entire roster, it’s Dick Whitman that is the true wildcard on the squad.  The dude will drop a 220 on you, and follow it up with a 146.  To uncover the cause of this inconsistency, I dug up some security footage from a Guacabowle team meeting at Howie’s….Now I know why the guy rolls the occasional 129!

And that was before the meeting…here he is just after:

Can Statler get an invite to the next team meeting??  Not to be outdone, the footage also had some of Mitch’s secrets of success, no wonder the bar is doing so well:

Pinny Candy (-11) v. Strike City – Strike City is on a tear lately, upping their season point total from 1 to 3 last week.  Word on the street is that a couple of them also bought shoes, which is case you didn’t know means you make $3.50 every time you walk into the place, so when can we start talking about their new balls?

It’s baby steps for Bowlhemian Strike City….they have the party and the fun nailed, next steps will be to get some bowling scores in the 150s.

Pinny Candy won’t have too much trouble in this one, but I don’t expect them to put up huge scores…Strike City are an energetic bunch, which can lead to some distracted rolling.  Either way, Pinny Candy will move to 4-1 and continue to fight for a B playoff spot.

Urea! (-1) v. FC Portland – Urea! is loving this move to B.  Lots of wins, lots of points, and Casual T or C Murda will drop a 200 on you.  Life is good for Thursday B leading Urea!

Tonight, though, will be a battle.  On paper, Urea! looks to have this one.  But every team has a couple weeks where not a lot goes right, or the other team gets a ton of good breaks.  And that’s what I am predicting in this one.  It’ll take three games, it will be close, but in the end Thursday B leading Urea! gets the win.  And if FC Portland wants to know why they lost, it’s probably because Ram Rod, Oolie, and WutWhat’s workout sessions at Shine Fitness went something like this:

Actually long time BoPo’er WutWhat’s lady is an instructor there, and the classes sadly involve a lot more dance and a lot less Vodka than the clip implies…

Lesbowlians (-3) v. Pinups – The Lesbowlians had a big win last week in handing Party Mix their first loss of the year.  They are 3-1 and get another good B team in the Pinups this week.  It’s time to start separating the contenders from the pretenders for the B playoff spots, and a win by Lesbowlians will give Pinups their third loss of the year and make it tough to get into the top 4 at the end of the year.

A match with the Lesbowlians is kinda like this video.  You think everything is fantastic, beautiful day at the beach, but trouble is lurking near:

Lesbowlians are a legit team, but teams don’t always see the danger until its too late…

Every team has a pre-game routine that has evolved over time.  Some all show up early and hit the bar, others gather on perv row, some teams don’t show up until 10 minutes before their match and just meet on the lanes (which seems to me a lost opportunity to have fun!).  The Lesbowlians tend to set up shop at the curvy table, able to see some of the bowling, say hi to a bunch of folks, and mix scorpion bowls in the Team of the Year trophy.  Count Statler in for that!  Here are Tilt-A-Whirl and Ollie Bubba at the curvy table when Keglinger walks in:

Where there’s a wind, always blowing my mind…

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