Quick info post. Believe it or not we’re approaching the halfway point of the season. All-star game is Wednesday Oct 3 from 7-9 on the West side. Should be a lot of fun. Check the rules tab for info on that and playoffs and what have you. Now….Lines! From! Spaaaaace! (Farmer)
It’s the Autumnal Equinox this week! Holy shit halfway between our longest day and our longest night. Time flies. In the interest of the cosmic balance this day brings, this week starts the routine of splitting the lines, and I drew the short straw and will be handling the early lines this week.
All the best to those impacted by Hurricane Florence. Don’t do this if you are stuck in the house for a storm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3u3KXomkio
Note: If anyone ever wants to do the lines some week, please let us know…both of us would like the occasional week off to allow us to build up more material for the following week.
EARLY
Spare Ribs (-3) v X-Force – A nice matchup of 3-1 teams looking to stay in playoff position tonight. Also seems like a perfect match for lanes 19 and 20.
In looking at X-Force, how the hell are these guys 3-1? Tso has a 182 average to lead his team, and Xander is next with a 161. 161?! Out of their 2-guy? Must have played some seriously crappy teams to have 3 wins. Lucky Bastard division is full of teams lucky to play each other. T$ what is going on? Forget it, I found video of your arrival at the lanes:
https://twitter.com/Parknooo/status/1040333607565516800
Spare Ribs went the BBQ route for sponsorship and naming rights. Dutch seems to be the kind of guy who never eats BBQ or anything else on Thursdays, he goes straight to the beers (from Maine Beer Company!) at lunch and doesn’t stop until he is home from the lanes. The guy is a mess on Thursdays, then sends me a text on Friday to report that he is still alive. My kind of guy! Here he is after his match last week trying to use the Bayside ATM to pay his tab:
https://twitter.com/dumbdrunkpeople/status/997966563159535617
Mo Problems (-5) v. UDFA – The losing will continue for UDFA. All season long. Mo $ can rest her starters and still take care of business.
Mo $ was sad to miss her team’s big win last week thanks to Narrow Gauge Railroad and Cheese Grater Head, and will be looking to get back out there and roll some 150s. Maybe a 160something. She needs a nice game to wash that awful taste out of her mouth from her standup comedy open mic night performance:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3BEUX5n0nY
UDFA has an interesting spread of averages on their team. Crackerjackoff has a nice 201 average. And the next top for them is Danks with a 139. A 62 pin drop to their second bowler. Which might explain why they lose second, third, bottom and total all the time. But I would like to shout out to OMG Becky (if that is her real name) who has a 101.6 average including a 200!! Me thinks that was a typo, but I hope it’s true. More 200s than me this season!
Drama Llamas (-3) v. BoPoSapiens – And I think I’m being kind with the 3 point spread, this one could be a big spread.
Dick and Nut Sauce are continuing to deliver for their team, and the rest of crew isn’t. Not even you, Cygnus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEpFjRRBIr4
And Did you know 8-bit is some type of Kung Fu Master?
https://twitter.com/Hadtwohurt/status/1041207765010735104
But against BoPoSapiens, they will be just fine.
What happened to BoPo Sapiens? I can forgive Rip City (don’t know her). And I can forgive Mokiki, the guy has a new baby so he stopped sleeping a few months ago. But what the fuck Snapshot? A 136 average? Cheese is at the lanes every day if you need to get some practice in. And Cheese and Precious are looking more like these guys racing a camel than Twin Towers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sREFN4TNAR4
Almost got the win, Cheese! Team Human!
Ex-Presidents (-3) v. Just The Tips – This is one of the few chances Just The Tips will have to get a win this season. And I don’t see it happening tonight.
Badger and Roadhead are far and away the top two bowlers in this match. Even Slugga and Rufio! should feel confident about getting points tonight. Stingray and El Hombre Duro will fight Luke and take bottom points as well.
Holy shit Luke, try to get a few spares man! I’ve heard tell that spares and strikes help your scores. Allegedly.
And now that we are back in the swing of things for the lines, here is an NSFW clip perfectly covering this match…it has it all….Roadhead…just the tip…and more!:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahoprIRMTdY
Hey, I love Bruno Mars!
Magic’s Gathering (-1) v. Team Moxie aka The Key Party – Let’s review Danny Diesel’s performance last week:
1 – He named his team (finally) and bought them all way to small shirts so everyone looks silly in orange skinsuits. He especially butchered Anapin Skywalker’s size. As if to publicly shame him for his 127 average. What a captain.
2 – As if that wasn’t enough, he then proceeded to lose the key to the lockers….by locking it his own locker! Think about it…he unlocks his locker. Then he takes out his bowling stuff, and puts the key into his locker. Then he shuts his locker, starting a mad search for the backup key and causing bowlers to not be able to bowl with their equipment. Like I said, what a guy.
Here’s some sage advice for you Danny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y3FzVQi-R8
No way I pick Danny to win the rest of this season after that.
Magic has a decent squad. He also has The Dentist (I owe The Dentist an apology for saying he would lose to everyone in our match last week. He did beat one other bowler in the only meaningful game he rolled with a solid 143). I think Mama D turns it around and pulls something more magic than a fan out of her leopard skin purse. I see Hambone continuing to score well. And Kingpin won’t be a 138 guy all season. At least he hopes he isn’t.
It’s a close one, but its win #3 for Magic tonight.
Pullout Couch (-7) v. Saint Hexy’s Hooligans – I struggle to see how Hexy’s crew will keep this one close. Even with continued good rolling by Burt The Bandit and Tilt-A-Whirl. At least the member of Hexy’s team can say their shirt designs are cool. And with the USBC paperwork out of the way, Hexy can now focus on enjoying her sucky bowling (her words, not mine).
Pullout Couch can go huge, but last week showed they also can go small. Even if they come up a little short of their average, they get the win and move to 4-1.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL5ZcanUslI
I smell a sponsorship opportunity!
Boogie Down tonight!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krJ8BaoWuN4
And please get home safe!
https://twitter.com/dumbdrunkpeople/status/1013155448709701637